


Carry Me Home

by selkiegirl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demon Hunters, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Background Relationships, Demons, M/M, POV Eren Yeager, Shifters, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 09:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6189725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selkiegirl/pseuds/selkiegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where the monsters of old refuse to remain confined within the lavishingly illustrated pages of the musty fairy tales that they were born from, they emerge into the world, threatening humans with their wickedly sharp claws and teeth. Coming alive as the living nightmares people are so haunted by, they walk the streets untamed, sending ripples of terror wherever they may lay foot.<br/><br/>Born to fight and bear the heavy burden, are the Hunters, with their dazzling, shining weapons; similar to that of the princes, knights, and queens of the same stories that created these monsters. However, unlike the perfect heroes who live among the pages, the Hunters are merely human, and are destined to make mistakes.<br/><br/>Bright-eyed, and as fiery as the magic he can barely tame, is Eren Yeager, who was born bearing a curse like no other, and damned to a lifetime of fighting creatures similar to what resides within himself.<br/><br/>Despite what flaws may reside within, he is as powerful and as vibrantly shining as a sunrise; and he might just be the key to the Hunters’ success in devising a victory unimaginable in the long, bloody war against the monsters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fire and Pain

No matter how I looked at it, my first solo mission was not going as well as I hoped.

Or scratch that, it was not going well at all.

Even thought I had been in plenty of dodgy situations, due to both being a Hunter and events of my childhood, there was something unnerving about being tied tightly in an old barn while an angry man paced in front of you with long strides.

To add to the mess, the man was talking to a being on the other end of the phone in a language that I could only identify as not human.

I was tied to a wooden post by my wrists and ankles with a thick scratchy rope that in some other life would have been used on horses. I was in a deteriorating barn that had seen better days; its once cheerful red was now a dull splotchy gray. Shafts of lazy sunlight fell though in streams between the rotten roofing, creating a musty scent when it landed on the floor coved with stay bits of straw and dust. The scent was almost relaxing, but the thick chafing rope kept me reminded of the present.

My body was starting to ache due to being in the same position for however long I had been here.

 However, I was most concerned about my lack of weapons. My usual and ever faithful Hunter’s swords were missing. My worry only increased when I realized how bad my lack of arms was. Even the smallest of blades were gone, including my Mom’s old Swiss army knife that was more of a good luck charm than anything, else due to its utter and complete dullness.

Yet again I wondered how long I had been held here, tied in a building of rot and age.

It was supposed to be a simple straightforward, easy job. All that I was bid to do, and all that I was prepared to do, was to deal with the pesky infestation of Imps in a nearby town.

The job description had not included the prospect of being captured and tied up by a tall man who smelled as if he hadn’t bathed in a couple weeks. If I had known, I would I been less keen on taking the job.

The man had stopped pacing aggressively and was now contemplating me similar to the look one has when a little sibling brings a thing of disgust into the house.

I flipped him off.

Or rather, I tried to as best I could, while having my hands tied behind my back. Due to this I ended up flipping off the man while he was pacing little laps around me so I missed his reaction.

However as the mangy man strode around to face me once again, I saw the damage.

Evidently rudeness was the wrong thing to do, as what little colour he possessed had drained out of his less than ruddy complexion. Giving me a look of pure malice and contempt, he put his phone to his ear and spoke once more in the high picked garble of unfamiliar language.

Signing, I shuffled my feet, leaving little trails and dunes in the dust and tried to think of what to do. My lack of weapons was most worrisome, due more to the attachment to the weapons themselves and their value than their uses in a fight.

However, I would be a poor Hunter if physical weapons were my only form of attacking and defending myself and those I cared about. I had made that mistake once before and I would not make it again.

Choosing not to follow that particularly bloody and gruesome train of thought I called upon the thing that set me apart from others.

Almost instantly heeding my call, fire blossomed in my cupped fingertips.

But using Magic was dangerous for multiple reasons and I wasn’t sure that I had either the strength or stamina to pull it off at the current moment.

As if sensing my distress, the baby of a flame died without a whimper in my hand, leaving only the bare touch of soot and the memory of warmth.

Very few Hunters of had elemental magic and even fewer in the all of Hunters had fire magic.

Someone had once told me that my fire magic was fitting due to my temper.

I ended up punching the bastard in the nose, while Mikasa frowned on the sidelines and Armin and Marco tried to pull us apart.

It was only later; nursing my similar bruises that I figured out that punching him might not have been the best way to deny the truth in what he said.

To put it simply magic was a vein of power, a throbbing, roaring river of untamable force that both existed in nature and thusly in life. Magic in nature was one of the sole reasons of the beautiful and remarkably unexplainably eerie events that were the source of conspiracy theories on Tumblr.

To normal humans, untouched by a tainting of demons, the flow of magic was little more than a madcap theory, unable to tap into or even feel, it was something better left to the Hunters and those who understood it past the weeklong textbook unit in high school.

Some animals were able to feel magic and other could even tap into the churning river. Birds were the most common in being able to touch magic and foxes, along with wolves and cats, could tap into the power. Strangely enough, whales were yet another animal with sight for seeing magic.

However what set Hunters apart was the smallest of things. Those, either ‘fated’ or ‘cursed’ depending on who was speaking were those who could not only see the force of magic but dip their outstretched fingertips in the lapping waters of force. The difference was minuet and on a biological level. Hunters were born with the smallest percentage of demon blood flowing in their veins.

Demons were the twisted offspring of magic, and because of this, those possessing blood had some of the attributes of demon-kind.

With the breakthrough of figuring out how to use magic to their advantage, Hunters finally received the upper hand that they had been fighting to gain for centuries, against demons.

It might have been better if Hunters never figured out how to use magic.

Magic is tricky, as it is different for each and everyone, and everyone had a unique variation of limitations, both physically and morally and their specialty.

Several generations ago, a White Witch had offered a rare act of kindness to the Hunters struggling to survive and protect their loved ones, showing them how to use the flow of magic. Or more over, at least tap into the rush of magic for short periods of time. But as the years went by and more people learnt the secrets of magic, it began to change and develop.

How Hunters are able to tap into the flow, and thusly take out power determines your magic type. As more time went on, each Hunter began to have their own style, and each person, a way to cast the runes that enabled them to use magic.

 But as more people started using magic commonly, people started to see the huge and overwhelming shadows that came with magic. Using magic tended to be harmful to the body, especially to those who were unaccustomed to its extreme harshness and it ended up killing, injuring, or Turning many Hunters before limitations were set by the higher-ups.

The more sinister or powerful the magic, the harsher the results it had on the Hunter. With darker magics like blood magic or shadow casting, the Hunter often died an early and brutal death. 

Elemental Hunters too get problems; my own fire magic often leaves me with blistering burns and a bloody raw throat from the smoke. Because magic is as much beautiful as it is brutal and cruel, the type of magic one has is often the natural killer of the Hunter, if they survive to grow old and decrepit, surviving both the demons and not using too much magic.

The first Turnings started happening about this time too. Hunters didn’t know how much power one could use before the magic consumed the _essence of being_ and left them walking shells of nothingness and demon blood. Frantically the broken family would try to keep the almost dead alive by giving them magic and blood, but the combination was lethal and the Hunter would become a demon human hybrid, and most commonly losing their humanity to bloodlust. The Hunters who were once slaying the demons, were the one being slayed. It was, and still is consisted one of the greatest shame to be Turned, especially if it was due to a foolish fault. The Turned Hunter would often be killed by those who loved them, as the highest punishment for Turning them.

The Terrors started showing up then and soon after. Terrors were the physical embodiment of your biggest, most crippling fears. The Terrors ending being responsible for many Hunter’s deaths before people listened that they were deadly.

Only one’s own personal Terror could kill, and they would literally die of fear. On the flipside, only the Terror’s owner can kill their Terrors, and supposedly if one does, it’s a huge surge in power. However not many Hunters are able to since it takes a huge deal of concentration and skill. This started a huge movement inside the Hunter’s regiment, and people started taking sides if one should have to kill their Terrors before attaining a higher Tier. It became a huge stigma if a Hunter’s Terrors were still alive, even with the trainees. But so many people ended up dying in vain trying to hunt them down, that the leaders finally put a stop to it. It’s still a thing among the higher ranks; it’s just hidden better than before.

People got weird after the steady death toll ticking upward and upward with magic related deaths and the Hunter Wars started to rise up, fighting about magic and power. It got better when Hunters figured out how being non-magic creatures using magic fucks with the mind and body, but there is still too much unknown about it for it to be considered anywhere near safe.

**********

The man had stopped walking again and I was tempted to flip him off once more for kicks but something hard, threatening of violence, in his face stopped me. I wondered where my swords were for the countless time, hesitant even now to use my last dregs of strength to free myself.

The man squatted down in front of me, slowly, as if he was making a show to be intimidating and _good Marie his breath was rank_. When he spoke it was less of a voice and more of a guttural growl. “You are Eren Yaeger, Yes?”

I wasn't sure whether to answer him truthfully or not.

“No, I’m Jean Kirschtein” I say staring pointedly straight at the wall behind his face. My voice didn’t shake in the slightest, and I felt a smattering of pride at that.

He hesitated for a slight second, and the small fraction of time seeds confidence in my lie. However because of my sharp gaze at the wooden wall behind his head I don’t notice his hand until I can’t jerk away and he backhands me in the face.

Hard.

_Jesus fuck that_ **_hurt._ **

I spit blood at him.

“I ask again, are you Eren Yeager?” He has the smug tone of someone who knows you’re lying and is just waiting for you to admit it.

“Yes I’m Eren Yeager, you piece of shit.” I say, not knowing what to do but answer truthfully.

He grimaces and for a second I think I hear him mutter “disgusting” under his breath before he stands up again.

There a noise outside and the dingy man wavers for a second, before giving me and my bonds a once over to make sure that the ropes were secure, and then turns on his heel to investigate.

As soon as he has his back to me I rub my thumb and index finger together, just barely, just enough to get a small flame dancing on my fingertips. The flame grows like a hungry child until it is large enough to reach the rope. I would rather deal with a couple burns than be sold off and left for the dead.

The rope makes a foul stench as it burns, and smoke starts to billow up behind me searing my hands. The smoke starts to make my cough which I try to muffle as best I can, lest the man comes back to in question to the noise, ending up with an odd sound emerging from my mouth and me gasping for breath. I’m worried that the man will come back but for now there is silence and a small part of me is registering that as more concerning than it being noisy.

The small instant of quiet is broken by a clashing sound and an alarming bang that sounds like a gun shot.

I really hope it’s not a gunshot, _I fucking can’t stand guns._

As a Hunter, I have the option to fight with a gun, and many Hunters do, but I, like some others, prefer magic and the trustworthy feeling of your sword as it slices a demon clean in half. And when all else fails, then a good solid punch does the trick.

There’s a wet squelching noise right after a gunshot, and the sound is so odd that it makes me both flinch and ponder what’s happening.

As fast as the rope is burning, there is still a of couple strands that have to be burned before I can pull the rope off. I have enough adrenaline pumping thought my body to feel as if I snorted coffee grounds.

I’m alternating glances between the rope and the door, so I can pinpoint the exact second when the crumbling door flies open with excess force and hits the wall with a solid sounding thud.

It’s not the same man who tied me up and gruffly slapped me, his overly gaudy ring leaving a red indent in my face.

No, it’s someone _short_ who is holding a deadly sharp hunting knife, a little less than the length of my forearm, glistening with crimson that doesn’t belong to him, and the collar of the kidnapper’s shirt in the other hand.

He’s a man made up completely of sharp angles and glass shards.

The man wrist is bleeding, and it’s dripping blood onto the hay and filth on the floor. The next second he’s moving again. Still grasping the shirt collar of the man with a pale almost slender hand, he slams the man against the only sturdy wall of the building.

The whole barn shuttered with the impact and I flinch with the sound, shutting eye for a second in hopes to make to world stop spinning, my exhaustion finally showing though, my previous rush of adrenaline gone when the final stand was nothing more than burnt ash.

I’m rather awed with the amount to strength in the shorter person, given that he can slam filthy man against the wall, and make the whole place rattle. I really hope that the man is on my side, because I don’t have enough strength to put out a matchstick, let alone fight someone like him.

My questioning about the shorter man’s alliances are postponed as he sheathes the blade he still holds in his tightly clenched fist, after wiping it with a disgruntled expression on the clothes of the man pined against the wall, he has two knives I notice, and draws out a smaller wickedly sharp knife.

Again, I wonder where my own swords and hunting knives are.

The man is clearly familiar to the weight of the knife as he pushes against the grimy man’s stuttering throat, and not even for a second do you doubt that he is afraid to carry out this threat.

The shorter male’s voice is a surprise, it’s deep and husky, and it takes my tired brained longer than it should to process that it came from him.

“Where. Is. He?” Each of the raven haired man’s words are punctuated with the threat of violence if the other man does not answer.

“I don’t know. Good Maria, I don’t know. I promise I don’t know. Just please don’t kill me” It’s a pale stuttering comparison to the voice of the man who asked me if I was Eren.

Don’t. Fucking. Lie. You called him” The shorter male is inches away from the face of the kidnapper, each word a hissed threat.

“I promise I don’t know, he just told me to take the kid hostage until he came here.”

“Bullshit. Where is he? And why does he want some kid?”

_Who’s he?_

“I don’t know” The man is trembling underneath the hostility of the shorter black haired man.

“Why were you told to take this brat captive?” The man is getting ticked off and impatient with the lack of answers. A small bead of blood, bright red and obvious, had gather at the tip of the shiny blade that is still pressed against the man’s convulsing throat.

_Wait, did he just call me a brat?_

While the man grovels for a forgiveness he won’t receive, I have a chance to study the second male in more detail. He has a military style undercut of inky coloured locks, and they look surprisingly soft, enough to run my fingers though them.

I must have lost my battle with keeping my eyes open, as each blink becomes longer and longer, because when I look back over to the man who held me captive, he is slumped in a boneless pile of terror, both hands clutching at his throat in relief, leaning against the wall, and the raven haired man is stalking towards me.

 The grimy man must have told the other man something. The black haired man opens his mouth, and I think he is going to say something, but the world has been silenced and spotty. There black on the edges of my vision. The last thing I see is the man’s eyes widening a fraction of an inch before I pass into the waiting darkness and slump onto the cold hard ground.

***********

 


	2. Heritage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hullo Guys!  
> A second chapter here. :3  
> Its a little longer than the first chapter so tell me what you think!
> 
> So without further ado, my kind folks, may I present to you the second chapter

“He should be back by now Armin. It doesn’t take that long to clean out a nest of Imps.”

Armin looked slowly up from the thick dusty book that he had been reading, and it takes him a second to process what Mikasa had just said.

“It’s Eren. He’s a good Hunter, have some faith in him.”

“I have plenty of faith in his abilities” Mikasa says, grumbling “It’s his head I don’t trust”

Armin frowned at her over the top of his glasses, he hated wearing them but they made reading easier. When Mikasa noticed his frown, she relented just a little by blowing out a puff or air.

“He should have called by now, what if something’s wrong?”

“Give him some time. It’s his first solo mission.”

“Exactly, what if something went wrong.”

“If we don’t hear from him be tomorrow morning, we can go looking for him.” Armin said, huffing softy in mild annoyance.

“But that’s a whole day away.”

“It gives him a chance to call us.”

“Fine, but if we don’t hear from him by then, we’re going looking for him.”

Armin sighed and nodded slowly. “If we don’t hear from him by then.”

***********

I don’t know where I am when I wake up.

Also my head was _killing me_.

The ceiling above me is white plaster not crumbling barn wood and I'm lying on something soft.

A bed…?

_What time was it…?_

_Where was I?_

Footsteps snap me out of my thoughts, and I jerked my heard in response to the noise.

It is the short man from the barn. He’s wearing a faded band tee-shirt and pajama pants that look so very out of place on him from the image I have of him when I first saw him. His ebony hair is wet and tousled as if by a towel with stands sticking up, as if he just came from the shower.

He has he back to me and I take the moment to study him in more detail before he turns to face me and catches me staring. But for now, in his obliviousness, I steal glances. He is not as short as I first thought, but still shorter than average. His complete right arm, from his wrist to where it disappears in his shirt sleeve is covered with intricate and yet surprisingly delicate tattoos. Ink blossoms across his arm and the start of a being is just barely visible mostly hidden from me at the moment.  I think I catch a glimpse of black lettering on his knuckles. His wrist is covered with a loose medical bandage, wrapped once around his thumb and then ending barely up his arm. And already on the sterile white there is spot of crimson staining it.

He turns to face me then, and the instant is gone in a snap. I catch a glimpse of earrings before my attention is captured by his steely eyes. They are a silvery blue colour etched with a world of pain, far too much for his years.

 “You’re awake…” His voice is softer now than it was when he was yelling at the man in the barn. I swallow thickly, and only then do I notice the discomfort of my throat.

“Where am I?” I ask, each word was a struggle to say, I must have swallowed more smoke than I thought.

“A hotel.”

“Do you have any idea how creepy that sounds?”

Shrugging, he asks, “Would you have preferred to have been left in that barn?”

“Do you usually pick up random people and take them to a hotel when you find them tied up in a barn?”

“Depends on how badly they’re hurt.”

Huffing, I grumbled “Who are you?”

“I was going to ask you that. The name’s Levi, who are you? ”

“Wait _Levi_?! Like _Levi the strongest hunter_? Don’t you have something like a 163 solo kills?”

Levi looked pained when I asked that. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why? And I thought you be taller, like you know.” I made a gesture in the air to indicate how tall I thought he would be, which didn’t work as well as I hoped given that I was lying down.

He looks genuinely pissed then, “ _Fuck Off!_ I can’t control my height”

“Well yeah, otherwise you would have been taller.”

“ _Fucking Maria_ , you’ve been awake for barely five minutes and you’re already on my shit list. For the last time, who are you?”

“Bit touchy, aren’t you. I’m Eren Jeager.”

I think I could visibly hear him swallow in the dead silence of the room when I said that. But his calm demeanor is back so swiftly, that I think I imagine his startled reaction in that split second.

Levi raised one thin eyebrow at me and asks, “Eren, as in Carla’s and Grisha’s kid?”

I sit up so rapidly that the world starts spinning and the galaxy invades my vision.

“Did you know them?” I ask, between clutching my head in my hands in agony and glancing up at Levi.

He shrugs again, then crosses his arms against his chest and replies in the same monotone voice that he spoke the rest of the conversation with. (Other than when I insulted his height.) “Not well, I’ve just heard of them.”

He is edging away for the answer, and I can tell there is more to it that what he is saying. I want to follow up with more questions but he blocks me with one of his own.

“How are you feeling?” Its only when I bring my hands away from my face do I realize that they’re wrapped in bandages, the burns must have been worse than I thought. Levi must have wrapped them and although I am thankful, I am a little mad about his half-assed answer to the question about my parents.

“Not the best, my head is killing me.” I don’t mention that my hands feel fine, and I can’t feel the pain of the burns.

“There a bottle of water on the nightstand next to you.” Levi says as he crosses the room to sit on the opposite bed than I’m on, tucking his legs up underneath him, and opening the laptop awaiting him on the cover of the bed. I have more to say and ask, but for now I grab the plastic water-bottle. Sighing, I twist open the bottle and chug it as quickly as I can. Water that doesn’t get poured in my mouth drips down my chin and lands on my shirt.

“Gross.” When I look over at Levi, his brow is furrowed and upper lip puckered in disgust.

“What?”

He makes a non-committal noise, then asks. “Why were you in that barn?”

I frown at him, not at him in general but more in confusion, “I’m not sure, I was on a job and then just woke up there. I can’t remember anything of the job or how I got to the barn. ”

“Were you alone?”

“Yes.”

“Was it your first solo mission?”

My face goes tomato red. Was it really that obvious? I shake my head frantically and try to hide the scarlet that is creeping up to my forehead.

When I look up again, Levi is smirking at me.

“So yes.”

“Does it really matter?” I ask the flush of mortification still covering my cheeks.

He’s smirking. _Again._

“Won’t people be worried about you?” His question sends my flying of the bed at high speed, I had totally forgotten about Mikasa. _She going to kill me, Oh bloody Maria she’s going to kill me._

“Calm down Brat. Who’s ‘she’?”

_Wait I said that out loud?_

My sudden jump off the bed sends waves of dizziness and pain pulsing though my head and for a minute I can do nothing more that crouch down, rocking back and forth, and clutch my throbbing head in my hands between my knees. A light touch on the shoulder stills me for a second, and thought my haze of pain I glance up to see a bored looking Levi.

“Take it easy, Kid,” He says again. I feel the slightest touch of his fingertip on my shoulder again and for a second I think I can feel him tracing something. But before I ask I notice that the pain is slowly filtering away and it’s as if my generally health is better. Even my throat is not as scratchy.

“I need to call my sister.” Levi hums slightly in response, and when he pulls away, his wrist is bleeding again.

***********

The call with Mikasa went as I expected. She chastised me and figured out, within a couple of seconds, that I was hiding something about why I had not called sooner. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t tell her. She would be mad when she found out later (She always finds out some way or another) but still, something stopped me.

I could tell she was fed up with me when I didn’t even give her a location of where I was. (In my defense I don’t even know where I am) But even more so when I asked her to pick me up, grumbling and rebuking she agreed to pick me up tomorrow morning by using the tracking service on my phone. (All Hunters have it on their phones.)

I made a mental note to get flowers for her when she got here. She deserved something for always being there. Mikasa does a lot for me and I couldn’t ask for a better sister. Maybe I’ll get Armin something too. They both mean so much to me and I wouldn’t be anywhere close to who I am today, without them standing here helping me along all the way.

Levi is still sitting cross-legged on one of the hotel beds, his laptop open in front of him when I walk back in from the hallway where I called Mikasa. He barely glances up when I walk in, and that bothers me of for some nameless reason, but I don’t say anything, and just linger by the doorway, unsure of where to go or what to do next, until he looks up and gives me a foul look.

“What?” he demands, sounding peevish. (I’m learning that almost all his words sound peeved.)

“What time is it?” He gives me an odd look then jerks his head to the wide window on one side of the room. When I step over, and pull back the thick curtain to see, the sight the greets me outside is quietly beautiful. The sun is sinking into the edges of the horizon and twilight’s blush is being painted on by the dark.

_How long was I out?_

“A while, about sixteen hours, give or take.”

_Wait I said that out loud?_

“What happens now? I ask. 

Levi doesn’t even look up at me as he answers. “Now? We sleep and in the morning we go our separate ways?” My silence causes him to look up and it hangs thick and heavy between us, but he does not comment on it, only giving me a long searching look before returning to the laptop in front of him. I have known this man for less than twenty-four hours, and yet… I don’t want to see him leave. I don’t want to split paths and never see each other again.

It’s only much later, in the dark of midnight that I figure out why.

_I feel safe with him._

************

 “-ke Up. Eren!”

I’m slowing floating up thought the layers’ of unconsciousness and towards wakefulness when a pillow hits me square in the nose with enough force to shove my head back into the remaining pillows on the bed.

 “ _Good Maria,_ Eren, _**wake the fuck up**!"_

_What the hell?_

“Cut the shit horse-face-“ I stop mid-sentence when I open my eyes, ready to cuss out Jean for waking me up but it’s not Jean who is looking back at me, grumpily, its Levi.

He is looking at me with resentment, and it takes me more than a couple seconds for my still sleepy mind process the situation.

“You sleep like a shitty corpse; I’ve been trying to wake you for ages. Someone has been calling you for the past hour, every couple minutes.” I stare at him for a moment; he is wearing white skinny jeans that look criminally good on him with a blue sweater that is huge and falls in folds on his slender frame. I’m also ninety-nine percent sure he is wearing eyeliner, and I can’t get past these facts to hear what he just told me.

I must have been gaping at him like a lost child because he gives me another filthy look and steps away.

My ringing phone snaps me out of my stupor and rubbing my stinging nose I grope for my phone on the bedside table. Without checking who is calling I slide the answer bar. It’s Mikasa.

“Eren?” She asks, in her soft lilted tone.

 I grunt in response, still too half-asleep to properly answer.

“Eren-“ she says again “We were driving thought the town that you were supposed to deal with the Imp infestation, and there’s a building here that is nothing but burnt stones and bricks left over. It is still smoking, with the ground hot to the touch. The locals are saying that there was a gas explosion yesterday, and the owner of the building was killed because of that. Nothing but an innocent accident, but there was a drunken man in the pub who claims to have seen a large fearsome beast thought the haze of smoke. The place reeks of your magic. Eren, just what happened?”

I’m much to confused to answer right away. I don’t remember much of what happened after I left the base to go to the building where I was supposed to deal with the infestation, and before I woke up in the decaying barn. It’s like there is an empty place in my memory, only filled with blackness and smoke. I remember the building, it was a sturdy old building that had untold histories to it, and a plethora of stories and memories had happened there. It was also the perfect habitat for pesky Imps. I remember talking to the old pudgy man who had untold motives and a sharp glint in his eye that I didn’t like, but what happened after that? Why was the building nothing but a bunch of glowing embers?

_Just what did I do?_

“Eren?” Mikasa asks, still on the other end of the phone, I can hear her concern loud and clear, and even thought we are still talking, she feels about a million miles away. “Eren? Are you still here?”

“I don’t know?”

“What?”

“I don’t know what happened? Mikasa _what did I do?_ ”

“You don’t remember?”

“Just small parts of it, but nothing about what happened to the building or the old man.” My hand is trembling now, and _I am so so afraid_.

_What did I do?_

“Where are you now?” I ask.

 Mikasa hums comfortingly before responding, “We are about a hour way for you and about a half hour away from the burnt building.”

“We?”

“Armin and I.”

“Oh. Can we meet you there? At the burnt building, I mean. I want to see it for myself and see if I can remember just what happened.”

“We?” I feel a pang of guilt for not telling her before. “Who are you with Eren?”

“I’ll explain when I see you guys, but can we meet there in about two hours?”

Mikasa voice is rather brittle on the other side of the phone, all softness lost when she found out I am hiding things from her. “Sure.”

I hang up then, and the wave of emotion that I was holding back until I was off the phone with Mikasa washes over me. _Just what happened when I tried to get rid of the Imps? Did I kill that old man?_

I can’t think of anything else.

_What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? WHAT DID I D-_

I need to know what happened in the stone building with the pudgy man but I’m also so very afraid of knowing what I did.

What if I killed that man?

“-en. Eren.”

“Huh” I say stupidly, snapping out of my funk just enough to lift my head. I can feel wetness of my checks and all I can think is _‘when did I start crying?’_   Part of me is embarrassed to be seen crying by Levi, but I can’t seem to do anything about it.

“What happened?” His voice is softer than I would expect from someone with such a gruff exterior and whom I have know only for days. The gentleness in his voice takes me by surprise and I can’t help it, I just start sobbing.

“I think- I don’t know- _Maria, Levi- I think I killed someone._ I don’t know. Mikasa and Armin were driving by the town that I was dealing with an Imp infestation, and the building is all burnt, and the owner is dead- I don’t remember doing any of this. What if I killed somebody?” He looks at me then and I expect him to reel backwards, with disgust, but he doesn’t, he just sighs.

“Eren, stop. You don’t know what happened and you need the full story before you jump to the conclusion.”

“But- But what if I did?” my voice is shaking and high pitched even for my ears.

“Then we’ll deal with that then. Sometimes Hunters make mistakes, even if we do our best not to. Sometimes these things happens even if you try your very _damnest_ for them not to, you can’t change the past. All we can do is face the future and make the decision with the least amounts of regrets.”

I nod, slow and shaky.

“Now, what did the person who called you say?” Levi voice is still gentle, but now there’s a note of briskness in it.

“Umm…” I didn’t bother asking if he could give me a ride to the town before I just asked Mikasa and Armin to meet us there. I just assumed he would be there with us, to try to figure out what happened. “Err, can I have a ride?” 

************

In the end, its takes us three hours, not two, to meet Armin and Mikasa at the ruined building.

I had to take a shower before we left, my face felt sticky and crusty from my tears, and I could feel a headache blooming behind my eyes. I wished I had clean clothes to put on when I got out of the shower, it felt grubby and gross putting dirty cloths back on, but I had no other choice. And it didn’t help that when I walked out Levi wrinkled his nose at me and raised a single fine eyebrow.

He wouldn’t get in the car with me until I went and bought deodorant and put it on.

Mikasa is looking impatient and both slightly worried and irked at the same time when we finally pull up. Armin is looking fascinated and is nudging the coals with his foot, a pencil tucked into a small bun of golden hair on the nape of his neck.

Mikasa hurries towards us when we pull up, and for a second I lean towards Levi and open my mouth in a warning, but I don’t know what to say and the moment passes when he opens the car door.

I can pinpoint the exact second that my sister recognizes that Levi is someone other than me. Her eyes narrow and she stops in her tracks to contemplate this new unknown person, even Armin looks up from where he is crouched down, investigating something that I can't see in the ashes.

Hurriedly I open the car and get out in hope of avoiding another world war.

As soon as I open the car door, Mikasa rushed towards me and then stops short when she sees the bandages, white and blaring obviously against my tan skin. She swings her head towards Levi and each word is a low growl, “Did you hurt him, Shorty?”

“Excuse me?” Levi’s eyes are slits with his mouth in a cruel line, and every degree of warmth around us is gone. The silence is brittle and stretched thin between them. I make a mental note to never call Levi ‘Shorty’ if I value my life.

Hurriedly, I try to push my way between the two of them. Mikasa is so strong, and if the rumors about Levi are true, this could escalate into a major conflict with bloodshed on both sides. My attempts to make peace are not appreciated, as Levi steps out from behind me to face my sister and takes a menacing step forward. Armin is tugging on Mikasa’s sleeve now too, in an attempt to stop her but it’s not working.

“You heard me,” Mikasa growls, ignoring Armin clinging to her wrist, save to yank her arm out of his grasp

Levi voice is a low threat, and they are almost nose to nose now. “Oh girl, you should not have said that. And besides I just saved your brother’s sorry life, you could be a little more grateful.”

Mikasa barks out a short laugh. “You expect me to believe that? When he shows up covered in bandages?” She was going to say more but I cut her off, mad that she didn’t even give either of us a chance to explain what happened.

“No, he really did Mikasa.” She shoots me an unforgiving look for taking Levi’s side, but her stance is less tense now, even if she is still glaring daggers at the raven haired man.

“Who are you?” It’s Armin who asks, and then look terrified when he meets Levi icy gaze.

“Levi” The word is short and concise and leaves no room for questions. “Who are you?”

I open my mouth to introduce my two closest friends but my sister beats me to the punch. “Mikasa Ackerman.” Like Levi’s introduction is it tense and short.

Levi raises and single eyebrow when she introduced herself, “Ackerman?”

I can practically see Mikasa spitting, “Yes. Problem?” Levi turns his gaze to Armin then, and his words are laced with scorn.

“You’re not the royal Heir or something are you?” We all stare at him when he asks, not quite sure what he is meaning, so we just blink at him.

“Armin Alert, Sir.” Armin says still halfway hidden behind Mikasa.

Giving Armin an once-over, he turns away and surveys the damage of the house. It’s a mess. The embers are hot and it looks a small bomb exploded directly inside the building. The stone walls are all in pieces and only a couple feet standing up from the ground in still in the ordinal shape.  The floor is all burn up and gone, the only thing covering the floor now is soot and ashes. The fire had demolished everything and anything that stood in its path. There are sparse bits of charred wood dotting the floor among the soot.

Levi strides forward; and his high-top converse leave prints in the soot, he studies one of the walls more closely, brushing past Mikasa and Armin on his way. Mikasa who practically snarls and Armin who flinches back. He casts a disdainful gaze at this, before returning his attention to the stone wall, nudging leftover pieces with his black clad foot.

Inside what once was a standing building is even worse. There are large gouge marks in the dirt and more on the inside of the stone walls. Levi lets out a low whistle when he sees all this.

How can this be the same building, that the day before yesterday was decorated with age old art and other posh things, and filled to the brim with stories?

While Levi is examining all this, I pull my friends aside and catch them up on a shortened version of what happened and my meeting with Levi. When I am done Mikasa is glowering and fuming while Armin is biting his lip in thought. Armin opens his mouth, then closes it again slowly before asking, “You don’t remember any of what happen after you talked to the old man?”

I shake my head, “Just a couple second long fragments, the rest is nothing but blankness. I remember going to see the Imp nest, and I remember seeing it, but that’s the last thing I can recall. The only other thing is just the feeling of intense heat. Then I woke up in the barn with a man who was talking in a demon language, and while I could not understand him I think they were talking about me. Then Levi busts down the down and demands to know ‘where he is’.”

“Do you suppose the heat feeling was just from the fire?” Armin inquires.

I shrug in response, to unsure to give a better answer.

Mikasa is frowning in the generally direction of Levi, who is taking a picture of the marks in the stone with his phone. “Do you remember what happened yesterday?”

“Yeah, I remember that fine; I just don’t remember what happened here.”

Armin un-tucks a stand of golden blond hair from his ear that had fallen loose from his bun and chews on it, he always does this when he is contemplating something. He hums and then goes over to where Levi is standing to ask him something that is lost in the distance. As soon as he leaves Mikasa pounces on me. “Why didn’t you call me?”

I shrug, mumbling “I forgot.”

“You forgot?” I can hear the hurt in her voice.

“In my defense I was passed out until about a half-hour before I called you.”

Mikasa looks both mad and hurt then, but whatever she was going to say next is cut off by the return of Levi and Armin.

“The drunk in the pub only said a ‘fearsome beast’?” Levi asks, Armin must have told him about that.

“Yes, he said didn’t see it directly because of the smoke, which is why nobody in the bar believed him when he was telling them. Apparently he has a history of tall tales.”

There is quiet for a moment with traded glared between Mikasa and Levi. The silence is finally broken minutes later when Armin speaks up in a wavering voice, “I, Uhh-, I think I know what happened here.”

Armin has all of our undivided attention and as he speaks his voice grows in volume and confidence. “I’m not sure what the beast was, but I don’t think it was malicious, because if the size of the claw marks is an indication of anything, I don’t think it killed the man out of hunger, because a single human would not feed it, and also, we are in the center of a town, it could of killed many others but it only killed this single person, meaning it probably had a reason to-“ He stopped then to take a breath before continuing, “Also in history there have been other cases like this, where there was a place completely destroyed by fire with only a single person killed. Then after the death the beast totally vanishes, no other killings, no other spotting of it or anything. It could- OH!” He stops mid sentence and then says hurriedly. “Wait here,” before he darted away to Mikasa’s car, where he retrieves a thick book that has a layer of dust on the cover so thick that it wafted up when he cracks open the spine. Just as quickly as he left, he was back, breathing hard. “So I was reading this yesterday,” he said excitedly and breathless “And I ran across this story yesterday.” Armin frantically pointed to one of the passages in the book. It was written in a tiny tight text that on closer examination was at least half not a human language.

“Arm, no one can read that besides you,” I protest and then immediately swallow my words when Levi scans it over and whistled slowly.

“That would make sense.”

***********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you found or noticed any mistakes would you mind pointing them out in the comments? Also I am looking for someone to beta the story and if anyone would be interested it would be greatly appropriated!  
> But feedback please kind person!
> 
> So third chapter will probably be posted in about two weeks give to take!


	3. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So third chapter Peeps! ;3

Its months before I see Levi again, and to me each week felt like an eternity.

A lot happened between my first solo job and the second time I saw Levi. All of the 104th training squad gradated to become fully-fledged Hunters, some passing with flying colours and top of the class such as Mikasa or others barely passing in the top ten at all like Krista. I passed right in the middle, however still beating Jean, which is fun to rub in face, because he is still sore about it.

We never did figure out what happened to the old stone building that reduced it to nothing but wreckage and charred stone. The story in the book that Armin had rushed to showed us simply told of similar cases in history, where only a single or a small select group of people died and the place of where the deaths occurred was charred to the ground. All living people involved recalled no memory of the incident. And in all cases, nobody was ever able to figure out quite what happened, and ours was no different. It bothers Armin, not being able to figure it out, even now. Something he will come up to me to grill me for more details that I have already told him countless times, or to present a farfetched theory that had little chance of being true.

Levi had left soon after reading the story and probing at the idea for a little with Armin while continually pissing of my sister by simple being there. On the drive back to the training base, Mikasa was on a rant. It didn’t happen much, only when I was partially careless or had just had a near-fatal event or the likes, but when she did start ranting, it was terrifying. She was mad at me for being in the whole situation, not calling her sooner and Levi. Mikasa had a lot to say about the short intimidating man, and she said it all on the ride home. Neither she nor Armin put it together on who Levi was, being the well known and respected Hunter. They only assumed he was just a stranger who had happened to be Hunting the demon that the man on the phone had been calling, and had simply found me. Nothing more than an unfamiliar person who was at the right place at right time.

I wasn’t sure to be grateful or forlorn that they didn’t put it together, but whatever the case, I didn’t fill them in.

I’m not sure why Mikasa took an instant disliking to Levi, and when I asked her about it, she didn’t answer past cussing him out and insulting his height.

The officials were startled about what had happened, especially for a first solo mission, but after Armin had explained, rather hastily, his rough theory about what happened and showed them the similar story in the musty book, they had chortled about it being a ‘dozy’ of a first solo mission.

I was assigned a new ‘first’ solo mission several weeks later, which I passed with flying colours. It was a simple mission, and I pulled it off well, without being kidnapped, losing chucks of my memory or anything else of the sort. Mikasa was rather relieved, and she had a tiny bit more faith in me after that, for which I was grateful.

All of us in the 104th passed the Hunter examinations, which were a series of difficult and stressful tests, analyzing us in all manors of things, from physical endurance to magic to mental abilities, to determine if we were ready to take on the title and burden of a Hunter. The tests took a solid week, one test per day, with a single person called in to a room with a thick heavy door at a time, while the rest of us crammed in the hallways. It was both exhilarating and incredibly nerve racking.

For me, the tests were average; I excelled in several things but lost points in other. The magic test was a breeze, even if the judges didn’t believe the record saying I had fire magic until I proved it. I got full points in the end; I was docked points of the healing selection where I was asked to heal both the burns on my own body and a wounded Hunter. My magic is destructive in nature, so it does not bode well with healing spells, either for my own health or for others, and I was not able to heal either.

The physical sections were standard, hand to hand fighting, strength, reflexes and weaponry. There were matches with masked assailants who attacked you, either with blades or their fists, showing up of nowhere to startle you. The judge tested reflects by locking each person in a room while assorted soft balls were shot at you from different parts of the walls. I excelled at that, only missing a single ball that hit me in the small of my back, leaving an angry red welt. Jean was less well off in the reflexes test and he came out of the room with several welts over his body. However, he was not as bad as Armin and Krista who both came out of the room dotted with welts and Armin having one right in the middle of his forehead. I kicked ass (literally) at the hand to hand fighting. The only people who beat me there was Mikasa and Annie.

 But the most strenuous part was the mental segment. The adjudicators would poke and probe at your drive and motivation to become a Hunter until it fell to shambles at your feet, trying to see if there was any weakness for a demon to exploit while fighting. None of the 104th did so well in that part. We didn’t say what our weaknesses were to each other, but it was mildly comforting, knowing that we were not alone in our low scores.

The graduation itself was a simple event. Everyone dressed up in their uniforms, knowing it was one of the last times to wear the training corps emblem. There was a huge bowl of blue glass stones that we would walk up to and our teachers would make a slit along the line of our hand until the blood dripped down into the glass bowl after we had proclaimed our devotion to protecting people and caring out our duty to the fullest. When the drops of blood hit the glass it crackled and popped and I could feel a thin layer of magic settling over my bones, binding me to my word.

After the graduation, there was an graduation party of horrible store bought food and an awkward, then that eventually transformed into some past the zone of awkwardness until something beyond it, game of spin the bottle. It had a strong start, Jean grabbed on the bottle, elbowing past Connie who was reaching for it, and hoping and praying that it would land of Mikasa, gave it a spin. It didn’t land on my sister. It landed on me, and there was a long drawn out pause all Jean and I took in what this meant, while everyone else watched in awe, waiting for our reactions to play out. Eventually, after much dragging of feet and cussing _‘I’m not kissing that bastard, he looks like a fucking horse for Maria sake,’_ and ‘ _You think I wanna’ kiss you, you suicidal blockhead?!’_ , he leaned down and inelegantly and roughly slammed his lips into mine.

Jean was not a good kisser.

The game dissolved after that. The kiss itself had lasted for less than a couple seconds but it was long enough, and both of us reeling backwards spitting and cussing.

There were miserable hangovers after the party, most of the adults and Jean, who was an incredible lightweight and thought it would be a good idea to get smashed on the night of his Hunters graduation with Connie and Sasha.

After everything had happened, each new Hunter was given a one on one counseling session to get us to think about where was wanted to go from here.We were told to start thinking about which Hunter segment we wanted to join. For me, the choice was easy, joining the Survey Corps had been my hopes and ambitions for ages, and now that I had gotten a taste of Hunting, my belief was rock solid and set in stone. I wanted to join for several of reasons, but one of the main ones was that my Mum had been murdered by a demon when I was only twelve and I wanted revenge on the bastard that had killed her.

I could remember the scene clearly, even after seven, almost eight years had passed. It had been shortly after Mikasa had joined our family, about two years give or take, and I had been sick that week. What I had, I don’t remember only that it was absolutely miserable and I spend most of the the time alternating between throwing up or having a fever so high that I couldn’t move. Thinking back, being sick was probably saved my life that fateful day.

Neither my Dad nor Mikasa were home when it happened. Mikasa was visiting Armin, and my Dad was with helping a sick friend, several towns and a couple hours away. The demon had burst into our small house out of nowhere, trailing blood and reeking of rot and death. It had slammed my mother against the wall I could here in perfect clarity, over and over again, the noise of her dropping the metal water basin and then sound of her spine snapping and the dull thump as her body as it hit the floor.

I could do nothing, confided to bed, all my strength gone with the fever, and watch it happen. I think only the smell of sickness lingering in the air around me had persuaded it not to come near me and killing me as well.

It had vanished then, leaving me the corpse of my mother and the shattered remains of my childhood.

Hunters never caught the demon, it is still out there, and it is my goal to rip it to shreds and cause it every ounce of pain I could manage.

I had never forgiven my father for not being home that day and saving her.

But then, I have never forgiven myself for not being able to stop it myself, for having a fever that _one damned_ day.

I haven’t seen my Dad much after she died, our family just fell apart and Mikasa and I were forced into adulthood prematurely. We split way, my father going one way, leaving only a bank account and a house full of horrors, and my sister and I went the other.

Mikasa and Armin and I had joined the training squad as soon as we turned fifteen, leaving everything we knew behind.

For other though, the choice was not that clear. Mikasa and Armin were both joining me in the ranks of the survey cops, partly for my benefit and the benefit of staying together, but also for their own sake. Mikasa wanted to stand by me as we took down the monster who slaughtered our Mother, and Armin wanted revenge for the death of his grandfather, who had been killed several months after our Mother had died, by another stray demon.

 Most of my friends were choosing the Scouting Legion along with us, but Jean and Marco were considering the Military police along with the small and feisty Annie, the tall Bert, and the humorous Reiner.

We had very limited time to make the decision, as two short weeks after the graduation there was a conference in the sweltering summer heat, for the new Hunters to publicly declare their loyalties.

It was where I saw Levi again.

 

***********

The meeting of the Hunters was held in a large room that did nothing but amplify the heat and the reeking of sweat, and was filled with all sorts of important people in fancy suits.

Levi was standing in a small group of four people when I spot him, from my seated position in the student area, a little way across the room. All four of them, Levi included, were wearing crisp black suits that looked much too formal and stiff for the blistering weather. I recognized only one of the people he was standing next to. Erwin Smith, the current commanded of the Survey Corps and someone I greatly looked up.

Levi was standing next to a blond man  who was so tall that his height even surpassed Erwin and maybe even Bert, making Levi look like a toy in his short statue. I didn’t know the last person either, a person who was of indeterminable gender, was bouncing up and down while gesturing wildly and tugging on Levi’s sleeve. I could see his annoyed snarl from where I sat and could feel his icy glare rolling across the building. The person looked unconcerned by Levi’s foul attitude and merely laughed and kept talking.

The conference was called to attention my an older man with a silvery white beard that dragged on his podium, high above us, and Levi, Erwin and the two other people took their places to the right of the podium.

It was then that Mikasa noticed Levi and I could hear her grumble under her breath about ‘ _that midget’._ Luckily, she could not say anything to me and I was grateful to not have to listen to her rant about Levi for the time being. For yet another time, I wonder why she disliked him so much, without even knowing him first. However flat out asking her got me nowhere.

The old man started talking and he had such a nice relaxing voice that I zoned him out almost instantly, even thought I should have been listening. I would ask Armin about what was said later, and took to alternating glances at Levi and staring out the window. Levi had a suit jacket draped over his shoulders; almost like a cape, that looked much too large to fit his small frame, I felt a small pang of indescribable jealousy, although for what I was envious of, I could not say. I was bought back to attention by a sharp jab to the ribs from Mikasa. The different segment leader’s were staring their own plead for new recruits to join them.

The Garrison was speaking at the moment, they were the middle ground Hunters, in-between the safer path of the Military Police and the more brutal path of the Survey Corps, both dealing directly with demons and missions, but also overseeing the people they protected from demons. I could see while people would to choose them as you still got Hunter experience but it was much less dangerous than the Survey Corps. As I pondered this, I got another elbow jab from my sister and was brought back to reality as Erwin stepped forward to speak. I sat up straighter from my slouch and propped my head in my elbow, listening intently to what Erwin had to say.

He cleared his throat when he stepped up, and the sound was so human that it surprised more for a second, in thinking that he was something else, more hero than human. When he does start to speak, he voice is deep and rich and fills all the corners of the building with the sound. His speech was painfully truthful, “Many of you haven’t seen demons in action, while a select few of you have. For those that have seen one, they can recount the terror that came along with it. Many people have lost loved ones at the hands of demons. For to take down a demon, especially those who pose a direct danger to humanity, is a difficult task, and we lose many Hunters each year due to this. I’m noting going to lie, if you join the Survey Corps, some of you while die, perhaps many of you. But it is if you can bear to burden of this double edged sword, to protect lives while possible sacrifice your own.-“

He was cut off by a loud, fat, pasty man’s protest on the far side of the room. “Phhas, what kind of recruiting speech is that?! You make the survey corps out to be death and glory, but I bet you haven’t even seen as many demons or killed as you claim!” He gave ugly chortle and took a swig from the wine bottle in his hand. He opens his month to say more but a biting and venomous response from Levi cuts him off.

“It’s easy for you _pigs_ to make fun of demons when you’ve never seen a single one, safe and protected by the Garrison and the Survey Corps efforts, while you grow fat on fine wine while people in the slums starve and _my comrades die protecting people like  you_!” Scorn and disgust drip off every poisonous word and there is a moment of complete silence in the unbearably hot room after he spoke. The man who his words were directed at had paled dramatically and shrunk down in protest.

Finally the silence is broken both by the old man moving his wire rim glasses farther down his lopsided nose to give Levi a better look, and ask, “What is your name soldier?”

“Levi of the Special Operations Squad of the Survey Corps,” He does not add a ‘sir’ at the end of statement, but I suspected that if he had, it would have been dripping with contempt.

The old man looks at Levi again, still over the rim of his glasses, and quietly asks, “You are humanities strongest Hunter, are you not?”

Levi’s scowl widens, “That is a matter of option, but perhaps.”

Mikasa and Armin exchange a look and then Mikasa elbows me for the third time that day, and without saying anything out loud, glares her question first at Levi and then at me, ‘ _did you know?’_ I give a minute nod, and give them both a look, promising them to tell them more about it later.

The white bearded man was speaking all thought this silence exchange and when all three of us look up again, he was motioning for Erwin to go on with his speech. Erwin only gives a mild shake of his head and says “I have nothing else to say,” in his booming voice.

The man frowns, and then calls out the order that determines the rest of our lives. “New Hunters Separate into divisions. Those whose choose to join the Scouting Legion stay in this room. Those who will join the Garrison and Military Police are to go to the rooms down the hall, where you will be divided accordingly to your preference of section. For those who are transferring to a base farther away, it is necessary to find your own means of transportation. Active duty starts in two days. Commanders of the Military Police and Garrison are required to meet in half hour.”

We all rise from sitting to standing as one, and I can feel throngs people streaming out around me, as they leave to join either the Stationary Guard or the Military Police. I can feel Mikasa standing tall and solid next to me and Armin to my left, still remaining, but quivering slightly.

I have never been so proud to stand by them.

After all those who will not join have left, I spare a glance for who have stayed. Sasha and Connie stand next to each other, tears are streaming down Sasha’ face and Connie is biting his lip so hard that I wince in sympathetic pain, their bodies pressed close together, each leaning heavily on the other. Jean is standing a little father down, looking unsure and uneasy but still solid, I wonder, briefly, what changed his mind about wanting to join the ranks of the Survey Corps and not the Military Police. Krista and Ymir stand together, their bodies pressed side by side as well, Krista looks fearful while Ymir face’s illustrates a lack of emotion, let alone fear. There are several other recruits from different training squads that have stayed and even thought I don’t know them I feel a swell of compassion blooming in my chest. Though the people who have stayed is few and the lines thin, I can’t spot either Bert or Reiner, and Marco is gone. The thought makes me sad, Marco was a person filled to the brim with compassion and kindness, to good for this brutal world.

The old man who ran the conference bangs his fist of the table to gain attention, maybe he did it to quiet us down, but not a single person is talking and the unholy heat is muffled by silence and the sound of a single fly buzzing, it small body battering against a window pane high above us.

One by one we form into a single file line and step up to a large bowl of red glass stones that radiate heat. Erwin is standing on the other side of the bowl as I step up, and he takes my hand, slicing a line over my palm, tracing the barely healed wound from graduation with the sharp blade of a knife.

My blood hisses at it hits the stones, and deep inside of me I feel a stirring.

I have finally made it this far, and I have finally joined the ranks of the Hunters, standing next to those who I greatly respect.

When all of us who stayed has had their blood dripped down to the red stones, Erwin steps forward, away from the bowl, and nods his head once at us and then lifts his fist in a salute, which we return, declaring loyalty to the Survey Corps. “You are brave people, and you have my eternal thanks. The lists of which base you will be posted at will be posted within several hours at your training base. You will be required to be at your bases at 8:00am sharp in two days time. The swearing in ceremony of your certain base will take place then,” He nods again and then leaves with Levi and the other two people.

***********

“You Knew!” Mikasa says as soon as they leave. fury in her gaze, and the words more of a statement than question.

I nod, and hurriedly say, “I promise to tell you later, I just want to talk to Levi before he leaves.” Mikasa gives me a foul look but turns away, dismissing me to talk to Armin, and I bolt out of the room before she changes her mind.

I find the four people further down the hall, almost at the exit and I want to burst out in greeting, but Erwin is talking and I want to not make a bad impression, so I trail behind them as they walk.

Erwin is signing and Levi grumpily replies, “Don’t sigh at me eyebrows, I didn’t cuss at anyone, I only said what need to be said.”

Erwin huffed mildly and whatever his response is, it is lost in the noise of opening the door to the outside and the four of them walking out.

“We get to go home now right?” Levi asks, “If I have to stay in that hotel room with you guys one more night I’m going to go on a killing spree, and you guys will be the first victims”

The brunette laughs and the sound is snarky and still cheerful at the same, “You know Levi, most people would be uncomfortable about staying at a place because it was sketchy, not because to was too fancy.”

“Well we can’t all be posh motherfuckers, can we?” Levi asks, but it has no bite in it. “Who’s driving?”

“Ohh me!” the brunette says brightly.

Erwin snatches the keys out of Levi’s hand where he was holding them up, “Lords no Hanji, I’ll drive.”

“Right,” the tall unknown blond says, “I want to get home alive, I would rather see Nanabe again before I die.”

Hanji makes a noise in protest, opening their mouth to say more, but Levi kicks them in the back of the calf and their only reply is a mild cuss.

Their conversation continues as they walk away, but it is too far away for me to hear and I don’t pursue them, partly from respect, but partly in fear of what Levi would say. Instead I slink back to the room that holds my friends, and look forward to a future in the Survey Corps.

***********

The posting list for those who joined the Survey Corps is tacked to the bulletin board later that night when we are packing our few positions. The results are shocking.

All of the 104th training squad who joined is stationed at the top Survey Corps base, the most well known and respected. It is a huge honor to get in and we all stand in shock, wondering how we made it to the top base right away. My name is right on top of the list and I feel a swell of pride but also immense satisfaction.

The base that I was stationed at is the same base that Erwin and Levi are part of.

***********


	4. First Impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, would you look at that, a Chapter Four... :D  
> Sorry I'm a little late in posting, its been a bit of a hectic week, but the chapter is beta-ed! Aren't you all amazed?  
> Thanks so much to my beta, he is such an amazing person and I'm so grateful to know him and so very grateful for his editing.  
> So feedback and comments if you would please! :)

All whose names were printed on the single, yellow, pieces of paper were stunned into silence. Our names were written in an official-looking black text, displaying the Survey Corps icon in the corner. At the bottom, in a flowing elaborate script, it stated ‘Long Live the King!’

The paper declared other official business, such as location and time, as well as commander of the base, but we were too focused on being chosen for this particular base to notice it.

Finally, Connie said what we were all thinking, “It doesn’t make sense. We are barely Hunters, why were we chosen for the most prestigious base there is? I mean, all of our Terrors are still alive.”

Even though I was proud of being chosen, I understood what he was saying, and a small seed of doubt wormed its way into the back of my mind. What if it was just a fluke? Most of those who stood next to me, myself included, had gone on very few missions and the highest demon we had faced had been a Tier 5. The base we were to be posted at, dealt with Tier 8 and up, which was some of the hardest Tiers out there.

Demons were ranked in Tiers, Tier 1 assigning a mission that didn’t even require magic or weapons to kill. Tier 6, was the average demon level, not overly difficult, but still a challenge. Captains and Commanders would usually battle in Tiers 8 and 9, making it more challenging to achieve that level for lower ranks. The Tiers extended up to 13; 12 being the exceptionally intelligent and skilled demons. Taking on a Tier 12 required a great deal of difficulty, and there had been a limited number of cases in history when a demon of Tier 12 was defeated successfully. There had been numerously feeble attempts that had ended miserably. In those rare cases of success, the casualty rate had been high. Tier 13 was disturbingly similar to that of nightmares and myths; it was the Tier of anything above a 12. There were only a few Tier 13 beings that existed in the world. One, being Gods. Generally, Hunters tried their hardest to keep peace with the Gods, and did their best to avoid conflict. If a conflict were to occur, the number of casualties would be inconceivably lofty.

At each Tier, the strength of the demon and the strength required to defeat it, rose, by three-fold. The Hunters who dealt with demons of above Tier 8, had trained for years, with years of Hunting experience, and knew how to use their bodies and weapons with precision which was a skill that took ages to tone. These skills well exceeded the basic four-year training program.

A small nest of imps and other various demons that I had faced, had only been Tier 2, sometimes Tier 3 at max. The Terrors, for example, were a Tier 5 to 9, depending on the level of fear they produced.

There was only one person who had taken down a Tier 12. The story had been so embellished  and repeated throughout the years, that distinguishing the difference between what was true and what was false, was almost impossible. It had happened six years ago, and the only completely known and true fact that was not exaggerated upon, was that the demon had been defeated single-handedly, slayed by a man named Levi. Levi had received the title of _Godslayer_ , and he was the only living person to carry the title.

What were we, who had only faced a Tier 5, going to do at a base that dealt with Tier 8 and up?

Hunters were assigned a Tier level based on a multitude of things including the highest Tier demon that had successfully slayed as well as their magic levels, physical and emotional strength and the other factors that contributed into making a good Hunter. Every year there was an annual test in the bases for Hunters to take if they want to rise up a Tier. With each Tier the tests got harder and harder.

Most of us were only at Tier 5; Mikasa was at Tier 6, while Krista was at Tier 4. The rest of us, myself included, were Tier 5. It was the Tier that most Hunters started with, and up until now it had seemed a huge feat, but now that we would be working with people of Tier 9, 10, and higher, it seemed to lose its appeal.  

I glanced over at Mikasa only to see her sending smoldering glares at the paper, so fiery that I was somewhat shocked to see that the paper hadn’t spontaneously combusted into a ball of flames already.

I had a hunch that this had to do with Levi being stationed there. Someday I would ask her why and she would give me the true answer, but today was not that day, as asking now would only bother her more.

Armin held a half-folded shirt in his hands, as if he was folding it when he heard that the paper had been posted. He rushed over with his hair tied up by a pencil, his lips slightly parted in shock as he regarded the paper. He had a somewhat fearful expression of disapproval on his face, which sent yet another wash of doubt over me.

What if this was the paper that would become our death sentence?

***********

The base that we were stationed at was an incredibly long drive away from the training base, and we had to leave with only a day to spare in order to get there in time for the initiation ceremony.

Being stuck in the car with Jean for seven hours was a rather cruel form of punishment, one I would have hoped to avoid if I had had the chance. I came remarkably close to punching him in the face on several occasions, but every time I got close, Mikasa would send me a scalding glare and I lost my nerve. Mikasa, Armin, Jean and I, had packed into Mikasa’s tiny car, along with our luggage. With the fiery heat of summer and the roasting interior of the car, we had to sit through a rather unbearably scorching drive, which didn’t help my discomforting mood, especially towards Jean.

The miles ticked by slowly and steadily as we debated about whatever came to mind, from Star Wars (‘ _Like dude,_ _why can’t they just use the force to turn their opponent’s lightsaber off?’)_ to more serious topics, such as us becoming Hunters and what that particular burden entailed. But however slowly the hours trickled by, it was not long before we pulled up at the base.

The base was located a couple miles past the neon sign that glowed in our headlights and read ‘Welcome to Arcata California!’ on a small, single-lane road that wove in-between giant towering redwood trees. With the window down, we could hear the sound of the waves hitting the shore of the nearby bay. It was beautiful and eerie in all the best ways, with the mist creeping in and the night still warm. I had located the town on Google Maps before we left, though the description was beautiful, it couldn’t possibly compare to the beauty of actually being there.

It was a non-descriptive gray building with a black shingle roof that looked like it had seen better days. A rain-rotted sign proclaimed that that was the ‘Headquarters of the Survey Corps’ in peeling, black-painted letters. I loved it already.  It was a rather large building, with two floors and on the second floor, a single yellow light cast us in shadows.

It was a little past eleven at night, and as the car that carried Sasha and Connie, as well as Ymir and Krista pulled up, its engine rang loud against the pale peace of the night, breaking the soothing silence. We all piled out onto the wet cement while noticing it must have rained recently, and came up with the plan to get food and find a room for the night.

It was a small and sleepy town as we drove through to find a place to eat. We eventually found a diner that claimed to serve the ‘Best Pancakes in Town’ and Sasha and Connie’s hooting forced us to stop, lest we woke up the whole town.

The diner was brightly lit and cheery inside as we shuffled in; we were the only people there, save the young waitress who greeted us with a wide smile and a rough accent. We were promptly led to a large table meant for a smaller group of people, but we made do by dragging over extra chairs. The waitress chatted with us the whole time while we waited for our food, advising us on what to order or stray from on the menu along with the best spots to visit in town.

“Although,” She said lowering her voice to an almost inaudible whisper, “You can’t leave without stealing a glance at the Hunter’s Headquarters though. Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll see one of ‘em around town.”

When we exchanged bemused looks at this, she had demanded what was so funny; we had told her that we were Hunters transferring to that base. At first she didn’t believe us and her eyebrows shot up to nearly her hairline. But when we did convince her, she was quite impressed and ran to fetch the cook who, upon learning this, insisted that our massive order of pancakes was on the house.

The food was good and warm, although I could not know if they served the best pancakes in the town because I had not eaten pancakes elsewhere in town.

We left the dinner and its brilliant light spilled out into the dark parking lot from the door, with tiredness dogging at our heels. It had been a long day and tomorrow would be even longer.

We had never worked out quite why we had been chose for that base, but finally we concluded, with much debating, that there must have been _some reason_ and we would find it out tomorrow.

I didn’t even want to think about what would take place tomorrow. I was awash with both nerves and excitement, and the possibilities of what would happen were endless, and as the night wore on and my fatigue grew, my suspicions became wilder and wilder.

We packed back into the cramped cars and along with all our worldly positions, drove to a beaten down hotel that was a quick journey from the base. There was a mildly heated, but short match about room and bed mates, “I just spend seven fucking hours in the car with that horse-face, _I’m not sharing a room with him!”_ It was then decided that I would share a bed with Armin, while Connie and Jean shared the room with us and Ymir and Krista along with Mikasa and Sasha in another room across the hallway.

Even though I was dead with weariness, I was restless and couldn’t keep my eyes closed. My brain refused to stop spinning on all of what tomorrow might bring with the sun rise. After shifting in place for what must have been close to an hour, Armin whispers quietly, “What’s bothering you?”

I hadn’t meant to keep him up with me, and I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “I just can’t stop thinking about what might happen tomorrow.”

I could hear a gentle sigh from the opposite pillow and then, “You’ll find out tomorrow what happens. There’s nothing you can do now, try to get some sleep.”

He didn’t say anything else to me, and after a while I had figured out that he had fallen asleep.

After a while of listening to Armin’s soft breaths, I too fell asleep, and if I dreamed, I didn’t remember them in the morning.

***********

The morning light came with a sense of unease and pressure. None of those who had spent the night in the boy's room had thought to set an alarm, and so we had slept past the time when we should have woken up. We were only awoken when Mikasa opened the door with a bang, hoping to see us preparing for the day, only to find all four of us still passed out and snoring.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a hurry to get ready in time.

Half of us invaded the girls’ room to take lightning fast showers. After the shower, I dressed in my favorite black jeans with a tee-shirt and green flannel. It was my comfort outfit that still looked decent and I had a feeling that I would be needing it today.

We had not woken up in time to stop for breakfast, so we hurriedly ate stale hotel bagels in the car, spewing crumbs everywhere, much to Mikasa’s dismay. As the minutes ticked by, I was beginning to feel hopeful about arriving on time, until Jean had burst forward, his voice an octave higher than normal.

“I forgot my phone on the nightstand table!” Screamed Jean in a very concerned manner. As much as I was tempted to not go back, Mikasa had turned around and we had to wrangle the hotel manager to letting us back into the room to retrieve Jean’s phone.

Thankfully, the maids hadn’t thought to clean our hotel room, as we found the phone still present on the nightstand table. Luckily, the hotel was a short distance from the base, and by the time that both cars had pulled up to the base, it was only a couple minutes after eight in the morning.

It was a brisk morning, with the mist still keeping off the heat of the day, and it made the world seem beautifully surreal and magical.

Standing in the parking lot, I was the first to move. Slowly, I made a fist and stuck it into the loose circle of people. Mikasa and Armin were second; correctly guessing what I was doing and likewise making a fist and putting theirs next to mine. Everyone else followed suit and soon all our fists were in the center of the circle. It was Armin who broke the uneasy silence, his voice laced with nerves, “Let’s do this!” We broke apart our circle with our fists now raised in the air.

The base inside was spotless. The grubby outside of the building was deceiving, as it led to the illusion of the base falling apart, but the inside looked as if it had been scrubbed daily, as if new. With that, I could practically see my reflection in the white walls of the hallway.

We followed the distant sound of voices down the seemingly endless hallway into a large room where the voices could easily be heard. Erwin stood tall, leaning against a large wooden table. On that table with one leg tucked underneath him, was Levi. He was bickering with a person who had  brunette hair tied up in a sloppy ponytail, and it was their voices that had lured us to the room. There was another man with blond hair, and a height that towered over everyone in the room, including the small white-blonde haired woman who was by his side.

We stood awkwardly in the doorway before filing in slowly. The talking stopped when we walked in, causing an uneasy silence to wash over us, and tension to crackle in the air. After a moment of hesitation, Levi broke the pause, sounding bored and annoyed at the same time, “You’re late.”

It was a true statement, but still I felt shame rise hot and heavy inside me. It was the first day working at this base, first impressions would be made, and until I could prove them otherwise, I’d be observed based on those first impressions. Unfortunately, the fact of being late itself, was a terrible first impression, which would only worsen my case.

My shame and anger at myself was reflected upon the faces of the others who stood by me. Feeling even more defeated, I mentally kicked myself as I scolded myself for having forgotten to set an alarm. In the hotel room, being late had not seemed like that big of a deal, but now, it felt huge.

I was also mad at Jean for forgetting his fucking phone on the one important day of our trip.

Erwin cleared his throat to get our attention, and he was rewarded with all our undivided gazes, “I understand that things happen, however it was necessary that you came on time today. Please do your best to avoid being late in the future.”

Even though his scolding was gentle, I felt my cheeks turn a flaming red.

“A few of you may know me,” He continued, “My name is Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps and commander of this base. I will be in charge of assigning you missions and you will check back with me afterwards until you have proven yourselves. For several months you will not be full Hunters, as you will be getting used to the base and training to raise your Tier to Tier 7. Assessments are every couple months and you have the chance to test for a higher Tier each time. The next upcoming assessment is in three weeks, where you will have the chance to improve your Tier and prove yourselves.

We all exchanged horrified looks at each other. For someone to rise up two Tiers or more was a significant challenge, especially in the span of three weeks. If we wanted to achieve that goal, we’d have to work a lot harder than we ever have, in order to raise to Tier 7 in what little time we had.

Erwin glanced over his shoulder to look at Levi, as if to give him a silent exchange, causing Levi to shrug with a foul look on his face.

“I believe you know some of the Hunters gathered here today.” Erwin said, sweeping his arms around the room to indicate to the others. “This is squad leader Hanji Zoe, currently at Tier 9.” He gestured to the person of unknown gender, before moving on to the tall blonde man and woman who stood side by side. The woman wasn’t short, though due to the man’s towering height, she appeared that way. “The tall man is Mike, Mike Zacharius, Tier 10 and the woman is Nanabe who is currently Tier 8.”  Erwin said as he stepped to the side a bit before gesturing to the short, black-haired man, “This is Levi, who is currently the highest Tier of the base at Tier 11.”

There was a collective gasp. Being Tier 11 was legendary, there had been only several other people in history who had made it that far, and they had been far older than Levi.

“I,” Erwin said, pointing to his chest,  “Am a Tier 10. There are other Hunters at this base such as Levi and Hanji’s squad, and you will meet them once they return.”

With that, Erwin walked to a cork board hanging on the wall which seemed to take up more than half of the wall space. On the board, there were several yellow pieces of paper of various sizes that were tacked to the cork, overlapping each other in their competition to reach the top. With his forefinger, he tapped on a bright red stamp that was on every paper in the top right corner, “This is the Tier number for this job, you are allowed to take on jobs with your current Tier or lower. If you are with a large group, you are allowed to go a single Tier above the lowest Tier of the group.”

He glanced back at Levi and Hanji again, as if searching for something more to say. Whatever he intended to say next, was cut off by Levi jumping off the table, where he perched, to stand up to his full height.

“Fuck it. I’m going Hunting.” He growled as he grabbed a thick sheet of paper that was sitting beside him on the desk, and made for the doorway. However, a sigh and gentle order from Erwin stopped him midway.

“You have a request for a Tier 10 demon in Crescent City.”

“I need to pay for rent, I rather like my apartment and if I don’t pay her in two days, she’ll kick me out.” Levi said plaintively, before he thoughtfully added, “And what are the chances that it actually is a Tier 10 and not a Tier 4 that happened to growl a little too loudly?!”

“No, the person who requested you is a friend of ours. Also, the request pays a couple hundred dollars, enough to pay your rent.” Erwin pointed out.

“Whatever, the other job is by Crescent City also, so I’ll just do both.”

“Wait!” Erwin said, as Levi almost left the room, brushing past me without a second glance. “Call me if you stay the night.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Levi said in a voice dripping with scorn and mocking.

“I’m serious!”

“I’m glad I’m not.” Was all Levi said, before he swiftly left the room, not bothering to waste another second.

“Kink-shaming,” Hanji said in a singsong voice as Erwin and Mike snickered in the background from behind.

Erwin looked peeved as he turned his back to face us, his trail of thought lost in the commotion of Levi’s departure.

“Err…Right, you will also be given a room to stay in at the base, there is a shared kitchen, bathrooms, and common room. You have to bring your own food for dinner and we have some ground rules, which are posted in the common room.”

“How much is rent?” I ask, with a lump in the stomach, if it is too much I, along with the others, will have a problem.

“Rent is free.” Mike said, speaking for the first time.

“What did Levi mean when he said he needed money for rent then?” Armin asked quietly.

“Ahh, Levi lives outside the base in a separate apartment,” Hanji piped in.

“Why?” I asked, not intending for the question to slip out of my lips so suddenly.

Hanji merely shrugged, “It’s personal.”

Instantly, I felt heat creep onto my face for asking. Yet, another part of me wondered who the female was that Levi had mentioned when he talked about his apartment.

Erwin left the room, with us trailing after him aimlessly, for a tour of the base. Even farther in, the base still didn’t have a speck of dirt visible. The kitchen was small and homey, smelling of eggs and other breakfast foods. There was a plate of half-eaten cinnamon toast on the counter that Hanji had snagged and started to munch on loudly, the scent of the toast making me remember my own pitiful breakfast.

“That was mine.” Erwin said, sounding annoyed and amused at the same time.

“You weren’t eating it,” Hanji replied, their mouth full of food. None of the former 104th squad spoke during this exchanging, trying to understand if he was serious or not, or if anyone here was serious.

The rooms were small and nice, each spotlessly cleaned, save the exception of Hanji’s, whose room was spilled over into the hallway with dirty laundry and books. Hurriedly, they darted forward and slammed the door closed, kicking the straying objects back into the room.

Erwin and Hanji left us then to fight over which rooms to choose, with the only omission of, “Unless you have a death wish, stay away from the attic. All other unoccupied rooms are yours to choose from.”

I chose the basement; it was the largest room, and smelled faintly of must and a sweet, homey smell, two scents that reminded me of my childhood. Also, it was the farthest away from Jean, which was an added bonus.

As we left for the parking lot to fetch our luggage from the cars, Erwin stopped us to remind us that the opening dinner would occur tonight, before leaving us to lug all our heavy bags into what would be our homes for a long time, until we either died or we were placed at a different base.

***********


	5. People of the Nighttime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hullo guys!  
> So fifth chapter here! I hope you like it. Thank you so much for the kudos and nice comments, it means a lot to me. :)  
> Also thanks so much to my Beta, I really appreciate your help!  
> So the next chapter might be a bit late because the month of May is going to be a bit hectic but I'll try to have it on time!

I couldn’t sleep the first night at the new base. It was too unusual; each simple sound was magnified and foreign. The creaking of the stairs and the howling wind in the trees brushing against the siding of the building were all called to attention by my mind. 

Although even if I could ignore the nearby sounds, I doubted my mind would stop thinking about what had happened today.

Most of the day had been spent carting in luggage from the car to the room in seemingly endless trips. The basement that I had chosen as a room was large and homey, and by the time that myself and the other new Hunters had been called to dinner, I had already adapted comfortably to my room. I had tacked up posters and put clothing in the dresser, made up my bed and generally made it into something I wanted to come back to.

The others had also spent time personalizing their rooms as well. Some spent more time than others. Armin for example, was painstaking in each small detail, while Connie claimed his room as his own by dumping all his clothes into a large heap on the floor.

The inaugural dinner was simple. As we were sitting down, still stiff and tense with nerves, Erwin had said, “Be warned this is the only time that dinner will be made for you.” It had cast a bit of a shadow over the dinner, but only for the beginning before we were distracted by the arrival of the other Hunters returning to the base. 

There had been more Hunters at the dinner than there were at the start of the day. We were introduced to the sweet, smiling Petra who only came up to my shoulder and an unsmiling man who tried to give me an intimidating look and a haughty speech of, “You won’t make it long here, this place is only for the best of the best,” Before Petra had smacked him to get him to shut up, causing his gaze to soften when he looked at her. The mere expression on his face alone as he looked at Petra, indicated that he was in love with her completely. Not long after she had smacked his arm, had he opened his mouth to say something more - only to chomp down on his tongue and have blood drip down the corner of his mouth - while Petra had soothingly rubbed his back unaware that Eld and Gunther had exchanged smirking glances over both of their backs. 

There was also the straightforward Eld with his blond hair tied up in a tight bun at the back of his head, who gave me an acknowledging look and a ‘good luck’. Next to Eld, stood a brown-haired, stern man who introduced himself as Gunther. 

I like Petra and Eld the best. Petra was kind and pleasant to be around, while Eld was serious but still teasing, as he gently poked fun at Petra and Oluo. All four of them were the Hunters who made up the special Ops Squad when faced with a demon the required a team in order to destroy it. This squad  was particularly well known for its excellence and strength. Together, the team had brought down many well-known and dangerous demons.

I had sat in-between Petra and Hanji, with Oluo sitting next to Petra, who was sending me glares whenever I glanced at Petra. Hanji was fun to talk to and I quickly found myself liking the quirky and witty brunette.

Dinner itself had been short but we had lingered around the table talking with the more experienced Hunters and swapping stories while having a few good laughs.

However, there was one person who didn’t show up to dinner and I noticed his absence out of the corner of my eye, along with how often Erwin checked his phone underneath the table. 

Much later, I finally retired to my rooms, after taking a shower that felt akin to being shot with the force of the water shooting out of the showerhead. The water was freezing, and it wasn’t until the last few moments of my short shower, that it had started to get warm. 

I had been lying in bed for what felt like hours, when I suddenly heard a creak on the stairs, which didn’t sound like the wind’s fault. With my curiosity getting the better of me, I pulled on a discarded pair of jeans along with a rumpled T-shirt, before creeping out my door to see who was sneaking along the staircase. 

Fumbling with a set of keys in the dark, was Hanji; their messy hair tied up in a bun with more strands escaping than tied up.

When they saw me they grinned happily and asked “Did I wake you?”

“No, I couldn’t sleep. Where are you going?”

“I was really craving ice cream.”

I raised my eyebrows at that, “What?”

“Yeah, and Levi just got home so I wanted to check that he wasn’t hurt.”

“Ahh,” then with a pause, “Do you think he’s hurt?”

“A little bit, he never says if he is or not but I thought I would check.”

“That’s kind of you.” I said with a slight tang of jealousy in my voice. I was envious that Hanji had a close enough relationship with the black-haired man that they could check on him in the wee hours of the morning.

Hanji must have sensed my envy, because they looked at me with a smug look. “I’m not dating Levi, before you ask. We’re just friends.”

And before I could say another word, Hanji slipped out the door with a small wave and jingle of keys, leaving me standing in the gentle darkness of the hallway before I slunk back to bed. It was a while before I fell into sleep’s luring hands, but it was peaceful when I finally did drift off into the silent darkness. 

***********  
  


Within a couple of days, I settled into an easy rhythm of the base. I felt at home there, and it seemed to fit me perfectly, like a second layer of skin. For the most part, I got along well with the Hunters who worked there, with the exception of Jean who had come with me; and I liked the base itself, for its flawless interior and decaying exterior. It had welcomed me into its arms like a home and I had accepted.

Levi had come back to work the next day with a gash on his cheek that was painful to look at and dark bags under his eyes. He still hadn’t acknowledged me as anyone other than a new Hunter, giving no indication of having met me before with the burned rubble of the building. 

It bothered me to an extent, but I wondered if there was a reason he was keeping it a secret.

Whatever the case was, I didn’t want to mess up his reasoning by blurting out that we had met before.

I, along with the other new Hunters, spent my days training in the extensive training gym of the base. It was fully decked out with a large weapons room complete with magic moving dummies that you could physically fight with, a batting cage to test and work on reflexes, an archery range, a large library with a multitude of spell books and rooms to safely practice magic in. 

We had spread out, diving into different rooms to hone different aspects depending on the skills we were talented in. Sasha was generally in the archery range, while Armin could predictably always be found in the library, pouring over thick spell books or in the magic rooms, trying out a new spell or hex that he had recently discovered. 

Armin had ink magic, a type of magic that cast runes by writing in a special ink. It gave him a lot of versatile in what type of spells he could do, and I was jealous of that, but his magic itself was rather weak and flimsy, that was easily overpowered.  However, his magic was his strongest physical attribute, as he was not the most athletic or strong physically, even if it was not the highest level of magic. Armin’s true and best powers lied in his thoughts and schemes. He was the person who could outwit anything and cleverly devise plans to strategically take down demons. 

When we were kids, he was the person who would create troublesome plans, or the one to cleverly talk us out of any situation we were in. People wouldn’t have guessed it with his innocent angelic face, but Armin was as responsible for half, if not more, of the mischief we had gotten into as kids.

Mikasa had a different and much darker type of magic; a type that was on the border of the light and dark, with some darker trends. Her magic was less socially acceptable by Hunters for its darkness, but it was very powerful. Mikasa was able to cast the shadows into runes. 

Her magic was a rather dangerous, as the darker magics were often harder to control and more corrupting on the human mind and body. But her magic was stable and she was very powerful due to the magic’s natural power and her own natural strength.

The rest of my friends had a variety of different magics, each honing on one particular type, and yet out of all the newly graduated hunters, our training squad or not, there was not a single other fire mage.

However, on the plus side, I had been lucky enough to be placed in a squad that also has other elemental magic.

Fire magic, was tricky and finicky to control, and to properly master the runes, required various amounts of time and dedication, which I had an ample supply of. Thankfully I could spend my training days honing my powers and improving the control over my fire magic.

The twin swords that came with my fire magic were steadily becoming an extension of my arms as I trained. I was learning how to control them and fight with both weapons and runes simultaneously. 

The training that I had done in the training course was not nearly as intense or strenuous as the daily training that I put myself thought in hopes to shorten the time until I reached Tier 7 or higher, and with its brutality I could feel myself getting slowly, but steadily, better.

Each morning I rose, not quite early but not late in the day either, and after a simple breakfast I would go for a run. 

I had started running shortly after my mom had been killed, and hadn’t lost the routine since. I had found that it was a good way for me to work out emotions and situations, and after a run I would often find myself with a much clearer head. Running was a great way to learn a place, as I quickly discovered, once I ran around much of the small town that I now resided in, exploring its shortcuts and hidden paths along the streets. It was sleepy, but it was also a cute, artistic town, and by running I had found many cool nooks and crannies that would have taken me much longer to find if I had not been running. 

After running, I would come back to the base to grab my swords and head down to the practice dummies, where I would practice for a couple hours, depending on the day.

Since my magic was naturally destructive, I would often find the dummy beaten or rather roasted to bits, thus requiring a repair session to renew the dummy to its original quality. 

If there happened to be other people around, I would spar with them for a while as well. 

After lunch, I would then practice both rune-casting and fighting while casting. 

Sometimes I would train with others, but for the most part, I preferred to be alone. Especially with I was working with magic. 

I had hurt people in the past that I had cared about by not being able to control my magic and I was not eager to repeat that particular experience. 

After the first initial dinner, there had not been food provided for us but generally many of the Hunters cooked and ate their dinner around the same time, so we still met up for dinner.

Not everyone would eat at the same time; most commonly it was Hanji, unless they were out on some unknown mission and the rest of Levi’s close Hunters who would eat with us. Sometimes Erwin and Mike were there along with the quiet Nanabe, but not all the time. Though rarely did Levi ever eat with us.

The only time he had been in the kitchen when I had entered to start scavenging for scraps of food for dinner, was when he boiling water for tea. He didn’t eat with us, but merely grabbed his steaming cup and left the room, causing a reaction involving Hanji engaging in aggressively clearing their throat, which seemed unexpected and clearly involving a hidden message which I  didn’t understand.

But even without the senior Hunters, dinners were still lively and fun. The topics that came up at dinner typically ranged from funny, to downright violent with no in-between, or middle-ground. There was just something about the aura between the Hunters in this base that I liked.

With all of Hanji’s eccentricities, and the fact that they downright intimidated me, seemed to stir an unexplainable interest and appeal in spending time with them. We shared common viewpoints with multiple things, and on several different dinners, we had passionately discussed them.

It was common for the rest of what used to be the 104 th squad to eat dinner at the same time as they too spent their days training.

By the time two weeks had just about passed, we were comfortable here, and it slowly seemed more and more like home.

***********

One night, I was awoken a little past one in the morning. The sound that woke me was coming from the practice room where the training dummies were located, which -inconveniently- shared a common wall with my room.

The sound was similar to that of a clash, and it was so out of place in this time of night that slowly I sat up and grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms, putting them over my boxers, as I crept to the door and into the practice hall.

Inside the hall, at the far end, was Levi.

He was shirtless and in his hands he held the two, wickedly sharp, hunting knives that I had seen in the barn. With his shirt off, I could see the tattoos extending up his full right arm and spilling out onto his shoulder blade, dyeing his skin with various pigments.

Levi was in combat with a special, black-painted dummy, that was much faster than the average training dummies which we normally fought with. It must have been enchanted differently, but even so, it was no match for Levi’s blades. The dummy abruptly fell apart in several pieces, its body severed along the neck, torso, and knees.

I was practically awe-stricken while I watched him fight. He was fast, sleek and graceful. He made fighting look like a dance or art, one that he had mastered with countless hours of practice and technique. Each move was sinuous and fluid, flowing with one strike to the next. He had full control of his limbs and I could tell by watching his strikes, that each blow was relentless and without mercy, as if he truly was fighting a real opponent instead of a training dummy.

A small part of me wondered how much time he had spent, dedicated, to become this efficient.

Compared to Levi, I felt clumsy and lumbering. Even with my constant dedication to improving, I was nowhere near Levi’s level of skill and commitment.

If this was how a Tier 11 moved, then I had years, if not decades, to endure before I would be able to match his blows and keep up with him.

My musings had led me to the alternate weapons rack that hung on one of the walls in the room. My steps were silent, like a clever fox, as I approached, my eyes never wavering from Levi’s figure as I reached for a sword.

I wasn’t sure what I was thinking as I grabbed the weapon, perhaps it was a just a small part of me wanting to test myself and see how long I would last up against Levi.

In the male’s shirtless figure, I could see the glide of his muscles as he moved almost impossibly fast, never pausing between blows, not even to give a second’s pause in order to give the dummy a chance at striking back and gaining the upper hand.

If this was how he was in battle, I wondered how he could ever fall.

But because he was shirtless, I could also see the white sterile bandage that curled up his left arm, starting at the crook of his thumb and ending just below his elbow.

I had seen him with the bandage before, and the more I thought about it, I realized that every time I had seen Levi, the bandage had been on his arm.

My questions about why he had the bandage on his arm were answered as he struck down the last remaining dummy. Levi knelt down and with a practiced swiftness, undid the knotting that kept the bandage closed. Almost as soon as he removed the cloth, blood began to spill out of the wound on his wrist. It wasn’t a lot of blood, but it was enough to be worrisome if he was bleeding like that constantly.

As I watched, he dipped the forefinger on his right hand into his blood that was spattering on the white cloth that he held underneath it, and drew a rune of the forehead of the dummy.

Levi had blood magic.

My shock at what I had seen startled me enough to drop the sword that I held clenched tight in my fist. Unfortunately, I had been holding the sword right above my foot, and when I dropped it, my foot was where it landed.

I was lucky the sword was still sheathed because otherwise most of my foot would have been suddenly separated from the rest of my body.

However, a solid metal sword is a heavy object, and the pain in my foot was enough to cloud my vision with haze, causing me to hop up and down, clutching my injured foot and spewing every conceivable combination of cuss words that came to mind.

When I was able to see clearly again, I was met with the sight of a very peeved looking Levi.

“Quite an expletive vocabulary you have there,” The male simply stated.

“You have blood magic.” I said abruptly, still massaging my foot and ignoring his comment.

“And you just dropped a sword on your foot like a dumbass.”

“What?”

“Sorry, I thought we were naming blatantly obvious things now,” Levi said impudently, causing me to give him a second look, glancing up from my throbbing foot to meet his steely gaze.

“No, but you have blood magic!” I replied helplessly, both awed and horrified, wishing he would see the point that I was trying to make, even if I wasn’t so sure what it was myself.

“No fucking shit, Sherlock.”

“I didn’t know...”

“Well if you didn’t make it a habit to watch people in the middle of the night, you might not have known.”

“You woke me up!” I said hotly.

Levi made a rude noise and fluidly sheathed his blades, turning back to the mutilated dummies. He painted blood runes on the rest of the scattered dummies’ heads, and one by one, in the order of which the rune was cast; they reassemble themselves until they are in a single body again.

When all the strange black practice dolls became whole once more, Levi placed them back into a closet that I hadn’t noticed in all the time I had spent in this room.

Levi turned to look at me again, still scowling, before he turned to leave. As he brushed past me to get to the exit, I instinctively grabbed his arm, stopping him.

With a cold glare, Levi whipped his head to face me, first startled and then fuming. “Let the fuck go.” The ferocity in his voice surprised me, but I narrowed my eyes and became slightly stern with my voice as I calmed my nerves and held on tighter.

“No.”

“Excuse me?” He demanded. I had no doubt that he could easily escape my grasp and flip me onto the floor in half a second, but for whatever reason, he held back and that small fact gave me hope to keep holding on.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” I asked, my voice steady.

“Excuse me?” He asked for a second time, more sternly now.

“Yeah you’re not excused, until you answer.” His eyebrows shot up as I spoke, and continued to give me an expression that could only be described as ‘ _ not-amused-by-your bullshit.’ _

Although his molten gaze was indeed intense, I continued to hang on tightly.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” I repeat, in a more assertive tone. Two can play this game of repeating what we said until the other person responds.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” His voice sharp and cunning.

“Why are you pretending you’ve never met me?”

“I haven’t been.” Levi sounded mildly perplexed and rather disgusted as he said it, but the confusion was such a small undertone, that I feared I had mistaken it for something else.

“Yes you have, don’t deny it.” I replied, still gripping his arm tightly, though I was running out of ideas to do next. “You could have simple acknowledged that you met me before with a small ‘Hey Eren’ or something. Anything..”

Levi’s mouth made a small ‘O’ shape as if he finally realized what this was about. Yanking his arm out of my grip, he said, “If you’re that desperate for attention go to Erwin. However, I didn’t tell them about your first solo mission. Without that, I would have been weird if I had know you without an explanation as to why.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” He asked, sounding irritated.

“Why didn’t you tell them, I mean it’s on my transcript.”

“No it’s not?”

“What.. it’s not?” My surprise leaked into my words as I regarded Levi.

“Are you going to repeat everything I tell you? Try using your shitty brain once in awhile, would you? It was never recorded and Erwin and Hanji haven’t figured out that it was you.”

I made a placid noise in surprise. This is the most that I have said to Levi in the past two weeks combined.

“What about Armin and Mikasa?” I asked curiously with a tilt of my head.

“What about them?”

“They met you too.”

“Armin’s too intimidated to bring it up, at least for now, and Mikasa’s a special case.”

“What does that mean?” I demanded, my protective urges for my sister rising up inside me.

“Drop it.” Levi said with a sharpness in his voice that indicated it was not something to be pushed or discussed, no matter how curious I had become.

I couldn’t help but wonder if it had to do with the same reason why Mikasa hated Levi from the start with such a passion, as if she already had a reason to hate him.

Suddenly, I frowned at Levi who predictably returned the scowl in equal fierceness and intensity. “Will you at least say hi to me from now on?” I asked a little quieter, my voice sounding smaller and more vulnerable than before, all the anger that had built up inside me which was directed at Levi, was now gone.

Levi glared at me once more, before turning to the door, his response so quiet and nearly lost in the rustle of movement, that I could barely make out his reply.

“Sure.” Levi stated with a somewhat icy calmness to his tone as his piercing grey eyes clashed with my bright green ones for a moment, before he wistfully left the room, disappearing into the darkness and letting silence take over the night once more.

I stood there, left in the silence of the night as I thought for a moment, feeling as if I had just won a war that I didn’t know I had been fighting...until now.

***********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think beautiful reader.


	6. Cause and Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my lords and Ladies, I am so so sorry this took so long.  
> When I said May would be hectic and the update delayed, I didn't mean quit this late!
> 
> However on the plus side, updates will be much more common the next couple mouths! :)

**Chapter Six:**

The night I had found Levi in the training rink, had left me confused with conflicted emotions swirling inside me, similar to that of roaring, thunderous clouds in a storm. To find out that Levi had blood magic felt huge and impossible to conceive. It felt like a huge secret and one that I was honored to be part of, but at the same time it felt dangerous and heavy upon my shoulders.

Blood magic was generally regarded as one of the darkest types of magic out there. While there were other forms of magic with dark tendencies, such as Shadow magic like Mikasa, Blood magic was a type of magic that bordered the line between sanity and madness. The very few who had blood magic, were known to die young; their bodies eaten up by the harmful toxins which secreted once the deathly magic released its energy.

Magic was most commonly described as a river or flow of natural energy. Most normal humans cannot sense it. But only those few humans who bear the burden of having a couple drops of demon blood in their veins are able to sense and manipulate it. The small percentage of demon blood was what set aside Hunters from normal humans. Having the demon blood allowed the Hunters to be capable of several things. First, it gave them the ability to sense the flow and churn of magic on a daily basis. Second, it gave them, with much training, the ability to tap into the power, by using runes, and to use that power when Hunting. But the most important thing was that the magic gave the Hunters a weapon against the demons. It gave them the ability to fight back, thus resulting in the deadly and tremendous war with the demons.

However, as more and more Hunters figured out how to use the power of magic, more people started studying it and paid closer attention to how the magic affected the body. The reason why magic becomes so degrading on the body, is that it releases a chemical whenever the stream of power is tapped into. In small doses, the toxin has minor, if not harmless, effects on the body. It could be perceived a bit like alcohol, how, in small doses, your body can process the toxins and filter them out without causing too many negative effects. However, the more Magic a Hunter uses, the more their body’s natural defenses begin to weaken against the toxins, resulting in the foreign toxins growing stronger and developing immunity to the body’s defenses inside the Hunter. The toxins do cause sickness, and can eventually kill the Hunter, depending on the severity of the effects the Hunter has been facing, and the duration of their exposure to these lethal toxins.

Human bodies have, and will never, be durable enough to stand the force of magic. Magic is too powerful for humans and will rip the body apart, starting with the mind, crumbling it into the blackness of madness and then moving to the physical body, slowly proceeding to degenerate. Bit by bit, the body decays until there is nothing left.

Hunters, having demon blood in their veins, have protection against the degeneration process which normally occurs in Humans. Since Hunters have a small percentage of demon blood in their veins, and demons being creatures of magic, it gave them some resistance, thus allowing them to avoid disintegration when using magic. Being that the Hunter’s body was mostly human, the force of the magic still wore it down into nothingness, though it took longer with different side effects. The body was worn away not by the sheer force, but by the toxin that the magic released when utilized.  

That small amount of blood was still there and unfortunately it was the reason why Hunters got Turned. To be Turned, was to cross over the line of humanity and into the side of demons. Once the mortal body was consumed by magic, there was only demon blood that remained. With the remains of what was left, demon blood created a new being.

There was a direct correlation between how dark a magic was and its power. Unfortunately the more powerful a magic was, the darker it was. The problem was that the more powerful a magic was, it required the Hunter to tap into the flow of magic more than others would have to, causing the Hunter with dark magic to have a higher amount of toxin in their bodies than most hunters.

While they were powerful. Hunters with dark magic often died young.

Blood magic was to use one’s own body as a sort of sacrifice to the river of magic. Due to the Hunter’s offering of their own blood, the flow of magic responded with ample amounts of power. Offering up one’s own blood caused an extremely high amount of toxin to be present in their bodies, thus explaining why there have been very few Mages in history who survived past the age of thirty with blood magic.

If Levi had blood magic, how long would it be until the toxin would be too much for his body to handle..?

***********

I woke to a gruff hand in my face and a desperate smack of the pillow.

“Come on fucker! Eren you need to get up.” It was Jean.

Still drowsy and half asleep, I rolled over on my bed, pulling the covers back over my head with a muffled groan.

Jean was not to be deterred.

Part of me wondered what was so important that had urged him to invade my room at what felt like an ungodly time.

Jean marched over to the bed and yanked the covers off my head. The sudden bright light made me squint as I blindly flipped him the bird.

“I’m over here, you asshole.” Jean said from the opposite direction of where my fist was positioned. I gave a mild grunt in his direction and changed hands so that I was now giving him the bird to his face and not the opposite side of the room.

“Eren you have to get up!”

“Jean what the fuck do you want?” I finally ask, reaching the end of my short rope with the horse-face. Since I had been woken up by Levi in the middle of the night only several hours earlier, and now being woken up once again at such an early hour, I was not happy.

The longer I looked at Jean, the more desperate he appeared, and I wondered why he was in my room in the first place. Our rooms were in opposite sides of the building, so he wouldn’t just have come in here to mess with me, as much as it was something that I wouldn’t put past him.

“It’s Mikasa man.”

“What?” I demanded, already swinging my legs out of bed to find a pair of jeans to pull over my boxers. “What happened to her?”

As I saw Jean cringe with hesitation, I began to feel fear swim up inside me, thick and heavy in my throat. “Is she alright..?” I asked a little softer.

“It’s just that…” Jean paused to swallow, before continuing, “She… Well she met Levi in the kitchen.”

I blinked at him not quite understanding why this was enough of a problem to wake me up twelve hours before my usual morning awakening.

“What’s the problem?” I asked, my voice still groggy and heavy with sleep. “And don’t call me man.” I said, frowning at him, just now realizing that he called me that.

“Shit. Eren, She is in the kitchen with Levi. World War Three is breaking out!”

Still staring at him without fully understanding what was happening, I scratched my nails against my chest and then brought my hand to my face, in hopes it would improve my groggy thought process.

Finally it clicked. I thought about how Mikasa and Levi always treated each other when forced to interact, and suddenly realized what the problem was.

“Fuck! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I asked in a concerned tone as I instantly sprinted out of the room without another word. Jean made an exasperated noise, and followed me out the door with ease.

We sprinted down the hall until we arrived at the kitchen, where we could hear them before seeing them,their rising voices already audible even before we took the last turn to get a full view of the kitchen.

On the initial view things didn’t seem so bad.

But on a closer look, I could see just how chaotic things had gotten.

Levi and Mikasa were facing each other from different sides of the small room. Levi stood tense and violence seemed to seep from every pore of his body. It was if he had grown overnight, and now instead of only standing a height that reached most people’s shoulders, he now filled the whole room, and his ominous presence oozed out, filling the room with tension.

On the contrary, Mikasa stood as if she was fading out and bleeding into the shadows. The edges of her body were blurred and you couldn’t tell where she began and where the darkness ended.

We burst into the kitchen right when Levi was hissing something at my sister, but whatever it was, had been lost in the noise of our entrance.

Neither of them even glanced at Jean and I, their main focus on each others throats.

“Coward.” Mikasa snarled at Levi.

Her words seemed to sting like a needle as they were spat at Levi. Though Levi’s presence before had filled the whole room, it had now shrunk down until Levi seemed small and injured by her words.

_Coward._

The word seemed to echo in the small space, as if causing the air to crackle with new tension.

Jean, who was previously standing behind me as I blocked the door to the room, kicked me in the back of the shin, causing me to move and stare at him in question, before he shoved past me into the room.

He surveyed the room and then looking at Mikasa, trampled, ungraceful in his haste to her side.

“Did he hurt you?” Jean demanded, looking at my sister with concern.

“I’m right fucking here.” Levi seethed, his body tense and his tone a menacing hiss.

Jean simply ignored him, keeping his attention on Mikasa. He had his hand on her shoulder and was trying to comfort her by caressing her shoulder with his thumb, though Mikasa didn’t approve.

“Get. The. Hell. Off. Me.” Mikasa snapped sharply, throwing his appendage off her shoulder, twisting his hand in the process.

Without another glance at Levi or anyone else, she left the kitchen with a whirlwind of shadows and tangible emotions.

Jean, being Jean and often clueless as he was, followed her.

“Jean.” I hissed at him as he tried to pass me in the doorway for a second time.

“What?” He had the dignity to look affronted, and it watered the seeds of anger I had at him even more.

“Don’t follow her now.”

“Why?” He asked, sounding genuinely confused.

“She wants to be alone right now.” Or at least I thought she did, this new Mikasa who was acting like this to Levi was new to me. “She doesn’t want to see your ugly horse face.”

“Fuck you Eren,” He growled at me, before yanking his wrist from my grasp and leaving the room.

It seemed like everyone was yanking their arm out of my grip lately.

I really hoped Jean wouldn’t follow her right now, as any collateral damage would be his own fault.

Levi hadn’t left the kitchen; he had his back to me and was slowing stirring a teacup with a spoon. The gentle click was now the only noise in the cramped room.

I was about to ask what happened when Hanji burst into the kitchen, shirtless and breathless.

“Christ Hanji, don’t just barge in without a shirt.” Levi said without turning around to face them or Erwin, who had materialized behind me when I wasn’t paying attention. How he knew Hanji was shirtless was beyond me.

He still hadn’t turned to look at either of them.

“What happened?” Hanji asked, folding their arms in an attempt to provide some modesty. However, when they started to speak again, they waved their arms passionately to insinuative a point, so the gesture was pointless. “You could have taken her down with a single word of yours.”

It struck me then, the wonderment and wildness of this place where walking around shirtless was normal, and how these people are attuned to read the smallest of indicators in Levi. If I had not watched part of the fight and been an observer to this conversation, I might not have guessed that something was amiss.

Levi didn’t bother to answer, as he endlessly stirred his tea, the small clink of the metal spoon being his only response.

“Why did she call you a coward?” Erwin asked in such a way that Hanji stopped to study both Erwin and Levi at the same time.

“She’s not wrong.” Levi said finally, after a few minutes had trickled through the waiting fingers of time.

“Levi.” Hanji said, and the two syllables didn’t sound kin to his name, no, they sounded like: _What are you doing?_

“Levi.” Erwin said, and this too had an underlying meaning of something other than his name: _Come on now be reasonable._ “I’ve seen you take down several terrifying demons that no one else wanted to face without even flinching. I’ve seen you-“

“She not wrong in this case.” Levi said, softly interrupting Erwin, his voice sounding defeated and his tone sounding broken. A part of me that I didn’t recognize, rose up inside me fast and slippery, indigent and angry that Mikasa put it there.

“Why do you have to keep everything a secret?” Hanji asked with a slight irritation in their tone.

“Why do you want to know them all?” Levi retorted with the same irritability.

“Can someone be friends with a person who has so many secrets?” Hanji asked plaintively as they tilted their head.

“I’d say yes since you like to insist that you’re my best friend to every single crappy person you meet.” He replied, his voice sharp and dangerous.

“Levi,” I finally said, the third person in the short time to say it, but unlike the others, mine just sounded like _Levi._

They must have forgotten that I was still in the room, because when I spoke they all turned to stare at me, as if I had suddenly done something strange and foreign.

Erwin politely coughed into his hand the kind of cough to gather one’s attention, much less than to clear one’s throat.

“Levi, come to my office with me. Hanji, go put on a shirt, and Eren,” He said, finally addressing me, “Meet us in my office in half an hour.”

“Why are you doing this?” Levi asked, his tongue almost darting poison at his audience with every word he spoke, due to his violent tone.

Erwin didn’t bother to answer beyond the classic yet useless, “You know why." And with that he strode from the room with Levi reluctantly following.

I was learning that Erwin was the kind of person who didn’t walk to get to their destinations, but rather strode.

Hanji sighed, and I was painfully aware of their bare chest, not so much the nakedness itself but somehow made intimate in the trust of coming out without clothing on.

I feel like they wanted to say more to me as they left the kitchen, but whatever it was, they didn’t voice it aloud.

I’m not sure how long I stood in the cramped kitchen, with my back against the counter-top. Yet no matter how long I stayed, I couldn’t get that one word out of my head, it bounced in my mind like a ping-pong ball, never settling.

_Coward._

I took my time going to Erwin’s office, trailing along the walls with my fingers outstretched to brush the paint and wallpaper. When I passed the common room, I stopped to read the notices of the bulletin board that stood next to the job cork board, the notice board dwarfed in size comparatively.

There were two new notices that catch my attention as I cast a lazy eye over the papers.

One was a newly pinned notice of bright stark white paper with red push-pins in the corner. The bold black ink stated that Assessments were coming up and would be held in the rank of the desired Tier. The highest testings were set for the soonest date. The date set for the start date was the first of November, only several short weeks away.

Time had flown by on decaying feather wings while we were at this base. It seemed like only a short time ago that it was the sweltering, last week of August, when the conference was held and then the first days were here. The weeks in training of September and the first couple days of October had gone by in a blink of an eye.

The second notice was more inconspicuous, blending into the other papers. It was only a half sheet of paper and a single push-pin held it up in the top of the page. The text was cramped and small, only stating that three of the head Hunters would be gone on a job in about a week's time.  I had a feeling that this specific notice would be brought up again soon, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.

When I finally made my way to knock on the thick, oak door of Erwin’s office, the sound resonated throughout the hallway.

Erwin answered the door, scowling; his hair mussed as if he had run his fingers through the carefully styled locks.

Levi was slouched in a chair in front of Erwin’s desk, and it suddenly struck me how much these two reminded me of a pair of snakes. Erwin, with his careful manipulations and slow seeping poison coercion, decorated in subtle warning colours, only giving the sign of toxin when it was too late to do anything about it.

Levi, with his sharp-edged tattoos and earrings reeked that his species was toxic. With a smile of shark teeth and frozen scowl, it would be no one’s fault but yours if you waltzed of your own accord into the waiting poison of what was to be Levi.

Erwin gave me a half smile, impatience showing with the gesture. Given from Levi’s slouch, I guessed that the small black-haired man was the cause of his frustration.

“Right,” Started the tall blonde, “Will you tell me what happened, Eren?”

“Don’t do this, you shithead. Mind your own business.” Levi said brutally.

“It’s for the good of the base.” Erwin said, “I need to know who is capable of working with others or not.”

“We figured that out long ago,” Levi sneered, “Just know that Mikasa and I are not compatible.”

“Why?”

“Why the fuck does it matter to you?” Levi hissed, his steel eyes now narrow as he glared at Erwin and sat up, his body resting on the edge of the plush chair.

Erwin merely ignored Levi and returned his gaze to me.

Finally I said, “My apologies, Sir, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to say what happened.”

Both of the men were looking at me as the last letter left my lips. It felt like it was an interrogation, like so many other things at this base. Erwin looked at me with a perfect stillness, his face giving nothing away. And Levi looked at me with something that would’ve resembled a form of appreciation in some other world.

Erwin didn’t push the issue, just let it drop after a tense moment, before he finally spoke, “Get out of my office, both of you, you're both impossible.”

Levi needed no further prompting and slid from the chair and out of the door in one graceful movement.

When we were both outside, and the thick office door firmly shut, Levi looked up at me and softly said, “Thanks.”

I could feel a grin worming its way onto my face, wide and hungry, “No problem.”

It simply felt like the right thing to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Kudos?  
> Feedback please, kind reader. :)


	7. Fairy Tale Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone know where one can get the magic potion that enables ones to post chapters on time?  
> One certain writer *cough cough* is in desperate need.
> 
> Ok I sorry I'm late in posting this..
> 
> Anyway thank you so much to all the lovely people who give Kudos and Comments. It's honestly the best thing ever to get a notification of someone reading the story. I know I have a long way to go and lots of thing to work on, but I really appreciate your help and support along the journey of this becoming something. I can't say thank you enough.
> 
> If you would be so kind, it makes my day when someone comments, so tell we what you think, concerns, questions or compliments are all welcome! :)
> 
> Also thank so much to my dearest editor, he's amazing. :)

**Chapter Seven:**

As I had predicted when I first saw the flier, the topic of the veterans’ absence for a day was brought up at dinner.

It was Erwin who spoke, casually leaning up against the counter, flanked by Levi on one side and Hanji and Mike on the other.

Levi and Mikasa weren’t looking at each other, and the tension between the two was painfully clear and brittle in the air.

I wondered for the hundredth time what had happened between them.

“Right,” Erwin started, his voice painfully loud, booming around the cramped quarters and echoing off the walls. 

“Right,” he said, starting again this time in a slightly lower tone that could still easily be heard by all. “As you might have noticed, there has been a notice on the announcement board concerning the absence of the senior Hunters this upcoming weekend. Hanji, Mike, Levi, Nanabe and I will be gone for at least twenty four hours on this Saturday. Unfortunately, it worked out that this was the weekend that the majority of other Hunters, including Petra and the rest of Levi’s squad are not on duty.”

He cleared his throat and kept talking, “What this means for the base and you is that you will be completely alone in the base for at least a twenty-four hour time span. However, you all were accepted into this base even though you are young and I expect you to uphold my expectations and show respect and responsibility. It was a great privilege for young and inexperienced Hunters, such as yourselves, to be picked to work here and many other Hunters would love to take your place, should something happen and you were to lose your spot here.” Erwin fixes us all with an intense look before moving on. “You will not be taking jobs for three days beforehand and I expect all of you to be here at the base and be safe and prudent in the absence, whatever that means in the given situations. We as Hunters have a reputation to uphold and it would be very disappointing if someone were to degrade the positive reputation we’ve worked so hard to maintain.”

We were all quiet after his speech, trying to decide what was ‘safe and prudent’ to say at the moment.

Finally the silence was broken by a soft chuckle coming from Petra from a few chairs down from where I sat at the table.

“Really now,” She said, still chortling, “Just don’t do anything stupid and you’ll be fine.”

I wasn’t sure if all of us shared the same understanding between the difference of what was safe and prudent and what was stupid..

***********

It took the older Hunters several hours to be ready to leave.

Levi had arrived at the base early, but spent most of the day waiting on the others; he didn’t seem annoyed by it however. When they did come, Erwin pulled out a huge map and the five of them leaned over it, debating the best points of action in the night ahead.

It was as if they had this whole tradition of the hours before any missions, each Hunter knowing the weakness and strength of the others and that knowledge was the basis of their trust with each other. There wasn't judgement tainting the air about the others limitations.  


It was a beautiful thing to see

Levi had all of his weapons currently displayed on the table, and with each knife, he polished the blade till it shone and he could see his blurry reflection in the glossy metal. He had a lot of knives lying on the table, but the two that caught my attention were the same ones that he held when he rescued me from the barn, all those months ago.

He held them tenderly, as if he knew all their secrets that they could ever hold, and vice versa. The non-descript silver blades were ordinary except for the black handles that were covered with hundreds of shifting runes. A closer look revealed that the same line of runes ran along the edges of the seemingly average, dagger-like blades. In the afternoon sunlight, the rune seemed to dance in place, winking and shimmering in and out of existence, only to be replaced by a difference rune.

They were dangerously breath-taking in the way that only a deadly thing could possibly be, sharp with grace but I didn’t doubt for a second that Levi knew how to use the knives to the fullest of their extend.

It was only when Hanji showed up that I figured out that Levi was nervous, he was different than his normal short temperament, it was as if his worry had made him kinder.

“Ok,” Erwin said, leaning over the complex map on the kitchen table that I happened to observe when I was making dinner in the small kitchen. “Ok, Levi you’re going last, correct?”

Levi made an annoyed noise at the back of his throat, “We’ve literally been planning this for over three months, yes I know what I have to do.”

“We all do, Erwin,” Nanabe said reassuringly, balancing out Levi’s harshness with her kindness.

“Ok,” Erwin said again, “However important this job is, it is not worth your lives and at any point of this mission you’re in fatal danger, call the closest Hunter to you for help. Under the worst case scenario, page yourself out of danger and give us a heads up. Our goal is to accomplish the mission but to do so with no casualties and minimal injuries. If we have to plan for another day, I would prefer that than losing one of you guys.” There was a note of pleading in his voice, well hidden by his authority, but it gave more of what I knew of his character, as if he was a two dimension pencil drawing that someone had suddenly added shading to, in order to give it more depth. He cleared his throat and asked, “Levi do you want to do the doorway?”

The way he said ‘minimal injuries’ made me shiver, as if he was positive that they would get injured without a doubt.

“I can set it up, but somebody else has to activate it so I have enough strength later.”

Erwin nodded and Levi unwrapped the bandage from his wrist, winding the stained white cloth on his other wrist, partially obscuring his tattoos.

Almost immediately with the removal of the bandage, blood started to overflow from the wound on his wrist and onto the floor, spattering the ugly dull grey linoleum with crimson splatters, each droplet landing to make a perfect circle on the floor.    

It was one thing to know in theory that Levi had blood magic, but completely another to see him truly perform powerful magic.

Levi crouched down and dipped his finger into the open wound so it was coated with his blood and lifeline and began to draw.

As a new Hunter, I had only seen diagrams and blurry photos of doorways in old musty textbooks.However, they did nothing to compare for the vastness and complexity of a real one.

It was sprawling, made up of several overlapping circles, combined in one huge one, with continuous lines of each rune in each circle and then more in the encasing one.

In the silent minutes of Levi drawing the doorway, the blood had stayed bright and scarlet, as if some dark magic was keeping it wet and in place, making it gleam with a special and ominous vibrancy.

Once it was finished, it took up most of the kitchen floor, sharp in contrast to the dull colours of the flooring. The doorway had a sense of dark elegance to it; grace lingered in the winding yet twisting, thin lines that carefully composed the doorway.

Doorways served as a pathway, leading to a mysterious place depending on the specific runes that decorated each door and I was afraid to ask where this one led too.  


When Levi finished the final touches, Erwin came up to inspect the runes, and with a pleased expression, he called out in his booming voice, “Mikasa, would you come here please?”

At the sound of Erwin calling Mikasa’s name, Levi tensed almost imperceptibly, as she strode into the room with her overwhelming sense of confidence.

The look she sent Levi brought the hissed word ‘ _ coward _ ’ fresh to my mind.

“What do you need?” Mikasa asked in her soft, lilting tone, completely ignoring Levi who was pretending to be too occupied to acknowledge her presence, both pointedly not looking at the other.

“We need your strength, if you don’t mind.” Hanji said, moving up to stand in-between Levi and Erwin. “We need you to activate the doorway, since it requires a lot of strength and we can’t risk any strength we have before we leave for this mission, as it could be a very dangerous one and we will need all we can get.”

My sister nodded slightly tilting her head to the side, causing her silky black locks to fall carelessly down her back, “I don’t have any experience with doorways.”

“That’s ok,” Erwin said, once again taking control of the conversation, “The rest of us don’t really either, it’s mostly Levi’s thing, but if you give the needed strength, he can activate it.”

Neither Levi or Mikasa looked particularly pleased by this sudden turn of events. She stood frozen in her tracks and Levi looked as if he had swallowed something foul tasting.

However, when Erwin cleared his throat pointedly, Mikasa moved to Levi’s side with clear reluctance.

The rune for giving energy was a simple one, one of the first runes that we had been taught and Mikasa performed it tight-lipped. Placing her hand delicately on Levi’s shoulder, she cast the rune in shadows, sending darkness rippling across the room.

Levi visibly flinched, as if suddenly shocked by lightning when Mikasa did this, and without looking at her he removed his hand from his wrist, where he had been trying to limit the bleeding, and began to cast the start runes. They were different than the rest of the necessary runes for the doorway, instead of being drawn on the floor, they were cast in the air, where they stayed, suspended and shimmering.

When the last rune was cast Mikasa slumped over, her hand falling off Levi’s shoulder and her eyes closing in a flutter.

I felt a protective impulsive, but when Levi caught her from hitting the floor and falling in the newly activated and glowing doorway, I stayed where I was. Gingerly, he picked her up bridal style and walked out of the room, placing her gently on the weathered and torn couch in the living room.

How could this be the same person that she despised with all her might?

The doorway was pulsing, giving off an unearthly glow when Levi walked back into the cramped space, turning to face his companions; he gave an easy gesture which they understood as ‘let’s go’.

Filing into a single mob, Hanji stepped forward into the glowing mass of runes. The light cast upon their face with an eerily glow, and once again Levi drew runes in the air. There was a small popping noise, and Hanji was gone. The process was the same with the other three, however when it was Levi’s turn, the doorway’s light was much dimmer and its pulsing weaker. He stepped into the doorway with an experienced air and just as he was about to draw the final rune, I burst forward.

“Good luck, Levi!” I said, dropping the ‘sir’ for something more casual. Levi turned to face me and I thought I saw the faintest trace of of a softening on hid features before he was gone, taking the last of the glow from the doorway, with him, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

***********

Jean’s idea of safe and prudent was to get completely and utterly smashed.

By the time Levi had left me alone with a growing knot of worry in my stomach for company, Jean had already gone through multiple beers and the empty Budweiser cans were littered around him, leeking sticky drops of beer onto the mottled carpet of the common area.

He was jittery and giggly, and painfully blunt with the alcohol in his system. Even when he was sober, he was unbearably honest, but he at least had a filter on what came out of his mouth. However, when he was drunk, even the whisper of the memory of that filter was gone.

I had a stinging bite of anger at Jean for doing this.

Erwin had clearly said not to let them down and to be safe and not do anything that could ruin their already fragile, good, reputation that the base had finally achieved. Even Petra had told us to be careful, and she was not one for giving orders. Levi had been glaring all week and Hanji dropping warnings. Each in their own ways, the veterans had told us to not disappoint them.

Jena had thrown it was like trash, not giving it any thought to the repercussions and I hated him for it.   

“Like really,” Jean said, slurring the words, “He’s shorter than most adolescent girls, maybe even pre-adolescence girls, yet everyone treats him like he’s fuckin’ amazing.” He hiccupped loudly in the middle of the word ‘fuck’ causing the last syllable to get cut off.

We all knew who he was talking about, even if he didn’t say Levi’s name out loud.

“Shut up.”  I finally said, speaking up and breaking the monotony of Jean’s petty insults.

However, my voice wasn’t the only one to say it. At the exact same time that I had, Mikasa had spoken as well. She was pushing herself up on her elbows from her position of lying on her back among the hideously faded plaid couch pillows, not moving from her lack of strength due to activating the portal. Physically she was fine, but she had used all her energy.

There was a moment of dead silence as we all stared at Mikasa in various degrees of shock.

“Oh come on,” Jean said snidely with all the confidence of a raging drunk, “You hate him, you’ve said that multiple times, why are you defending him?” He smeared the words like wet paint, but his meaning was still perfectly clear.

“My,” Mikasa said slowly, as if explaining to a child, “fight between Levi and I, is between us. It does not involve you.”

“What did he even do to you, anyways?” It was Jean’s question, but all of us were looking at Mikasa for the answer to the question that each and every one of one us had wondered over the past couple months, and even more so since the fight in the kitchen.

“What part of what I previously said didn’t make sense?” Mikasa said daintily and fiercely.

When it was clear she wasn’t going to answer, I let out a breath I hadn’t been aware that I was holding. Whatever horrid secret there was between Levi and my sister, I wanted Levi to tell me personally whenever he would be ready. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know from my sister just yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what I was afraid would ruin the fragile image I had of Levi. And I certainly didn’t want to hear it with a drunk making jabs at Levi as an audience.

Jean was saved from proving himself further a douche by a knocking at the door.

No, knocking wasn’t the right word, someone was pounding on the door with enough force to make the sound reverberate and the thick wood rattle.

Nobody moved, all frozen like deer in the headlights of a car barreling down the road at top speeds, by the suddenness of the noise. Finally, Armin, as if moving through time itself in its slowness, reached for his phone. When he held it up for us to see, we could all see the time glowing brightly on the screen.

It was 2:47 in the morning.

It was not a time for nice visits from neighbors to knock on the door bearing bad fruit cake but warm smiles.

I distantly remembered Erwin talking about how some people were less supportive of Hunters and what they worked for before he left.

We all exchanged glances in horror between the hallways that led to the door that was still rattling and the phone that proclaimed the time in bold white print.

But because we were agitated, we didn’t notice that Jean had gotten up until he was gone and we heard the sound of a sickening thud from down the hall and the weak sound of voices carrying through the walls.

Frantically I stood, and Mikasa, still on the couch, tried as well, only to crash back onto the pillows with a weak moan, not even having enough strength to prop herself up on the pillows.

“Stay there,” I said, turning so that my back faced the doorway and I now faced Mikasa to give her the universal ‘stay’ gesture with my hand. “I’ll be right back.”

“No need for that, sonny,” A gruff voice said from behind me. ‘You’re not going to be going anywhere fast.”

Turing on my heel so fast that I momentarily lost my balance; I spun to look at the owner of the voice.

It was a man who looked like he had tried all the drugs he could get his hands on for fun. His hair was scraggly and patching, large chunks of it missing and part of the man’s skimpy beard non-existence all together. His eyes were sunken and the obscurity of the hours between today and tomorrow and yesterday, the shadows cast over his eyes made him look like a childhood monster, sprung alive from the dusty pages of long forgotten old fairy tales.

The man had a gun to Jean’s head, and Jean, in a headlock, was quieter than I had ever seen him, his skin had lost all colour and his eyes were darting around the room.

Perhaps if his eyes hadn’t been darting around the room like a frightened jackrabbit, I would have never seen them, but they were and I did.

Flanking the man were several people, each as eerie and monster-like as the first, and more importantly each with a gun in one or both hands.

There were three black muzzles pointed at me and three at Mikasa, and then at least one on every other friendly person in the room.

For the first time that night I felt angry at the veterans for taking the entirety of my sister’s vast reservoir of energy when we needed it the most. But it was not as if they knew that we would be attacked when they asked for her help.

“Now,” The man said, “We don’t want no trouble, now. I wouldn’t want my finger to slip and blast your friend’s brain all over these white walls. Just settle down nice and easy with your hands in view. Perhaps you could tell me where Levi went, he has something of mine and I want it back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me your thoughts, kind and beautiful reader.  
> Also if your could share this story with your friends and pass word along I would be really grateful! :)
> 
> Chapter Eight should be posted soon, (I keep saying that but I mean it this time...) So look out for that and I will see you then!


	8. The Meaning of Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Updates! :)

It was hours before the veterans returned, ragged and weary with exhaustion from the mission. The sun had been up for several long hours, giving definition to the shadows that clung to the room previously hidden in the cloak of the night, where we stayed, haunted and with knives at our throats and guns at our heads.

They entered through the front door this time, announcing their arrival home with the small click of the door and soft muted voices that drift through the halls. They had expected us to still be asleep, so they were quiet in their conversation and footsteps as they got closer and closer to finding us.

The scruffy man who held us captive had been asking us repeatedly, nearly every half hour, when we expected the older Hunters to return.

None of us said that they might return at all.

The man had been livid, his already flushed face turning blotchy with red anger when a search of the base proved what we had told them, the veterans were gone. He had left no door unopened and no room unsearched in his quest to prove us wrong, even looking through each and every personal quarters, as if he expected to find Erwin curled up in my sock drawer or Hanji in the bathroom cabinet hiding among the meticulously labeled pill bottles.

It was almost pitiful how easily we were taken captive. Due to Jean staggering drunkenness and Mikasa’s fatigue, the direct threat of the loaded guns and knives subdued us in a way that we had never been before. Maybe if Jean had not been held at gunpoint in front of us with a very vocal and deadly threat we might have put up a struggle, fighting till we were bruised and bleeding like we always had and always will. But Jean was being threatened with death, and none of us wanted to take up the man on his offer due to seeing the seriousness and severity of his threats.

Being a Hunter seemed a lot deadlier now, not the casual missions and jokes and pretenses that it wasn’t as dangerous a profession and those who didn’t support the Hunters claimed, it was as if  all the rose coloured glass had been taken away when a bearded man shot it, shattering it along with the innocence that by the end of this profession, we would all still be alive.

Jean could die.

It wasn’t funny anyone.

It was clear from looking at my sister that she blamed herself for not being able to protect us due to her lack of energy, but when the dogged footsteps could be heard in the other rooms, first anger, then relief, and then more anger at being relieved by their return, crossed over her beautiful features.

But we were all surprised when the voices didn’t make it to the common room where we were. They had stopped in the kitchen, not going any further, and from the snippets of words that we caught with baited breaths, someone was hurt. 

It was Mike, we would later learn, slashed across the chest by a set of poisonous claws that belonged to something that no one on the mission would name with more than shifty glances at each other.

“Sit.” Erwin ordered for the room down the hall, “Levi, try and stop the bleeding. Hanji go get bandages and, Nanabe, keep Mike from passing out.” The practiced ease in which the instructions rolled out of his mouth made my heart clench, this was a well-traveled road that they all knew too well, someone being hurt and bleeding out with their life on the line was a thing that they had grown accustomed to.

What had we gotten ourselves into, joining a job with the Survey Corps, where we walked the paper thin line between alive and dead, each day not knowing if we would come back on our own feet, if someone would be carrying us, or if we would come back at all? At the base and with the training squad the worst that we fought was a measly Tier 5, training had not included being tied up with someone holding your life in their dirty bloody hands while someone bled on the ugly grey kitchen floor, with you helpless to hear and able to do absolutely nothing to save them.

It suddenly seemed a lot more real.

“I’ll go get the tonic that neutralizes the poison,” Erwin called to those in the kitchen, both his friends and subordinates, allies and defendants. His voice was already coming closer to us, growing louder with enunciated word, as if he was halfway out of the cramped room when he started speaking.

He had to pass through the common room to get to the bathroom that held the small glass bottle, filled with a thin blue liquid with a dropper that would help Mike and we all waited, holding our breath to be discovered.

But instead of entering the doorway to the room that we shared, he turned and without sparing a glance at us, strode down the hallway that led not to the bathroom that held the glass cabinet holding what might save Mike’s life, but instead to the heavy dense door of his private office.

I severely hoped Erwin and the rest were more observant when they were on a mission, because it was not as if the man had not left clues that something was amiss.

From down the hall we could hear a soft cuss of “Shit,” and a thunk of a heavy door, before his footsteps once again came our way.

When Erwin finally did step into the common room, his nearly perfect hair was in disarray and there was a blooming bruise discolouring his check.

It took him a second to notice the situation.

“Well,” Erwin said slowly taking in every detail of the room. Without breaking the steady and intense eye contact with the man he bent over to pick up one of the empty Budweiser cans littering the floor. When his blue gaze finally breaks it was because he was staring at the beer can with a look of pure disappointment. Beside me, Jean’s expression was undeniably shameful and sullen, all colour leaving his face and his eyes downcast as he intently studied the floor underneath his feet, as if it held all the secrets in the world, ready to be discovered if Jean looked long enough.

“Well, isn’t this a lovely surprise.” Erwin said, looking much too weary to deal with this properly, “To what exactly do we owe the pleasure of this visit?”

“I want to talk to Levi.” The bearded man said, tightening his chokehold on Jean to prove his point, who let out an indigent squawk at the movement, still not meeting Erwin’s lidded gaze.

Still as if moving through time itself, Erwin slowly turned to look out towards the hallways where you could hear the mingled voices of Levi, Hanji, and Nanabe trying to patch Mike up from bleeding all over the floor. Finally after a slow moment had passed, he loudly called out “Levi.”

There was the responding “What?” from the kitchen, and after Erwin hadn’t answered several times, I could hear the black haired man coming down the hallways in heavy steps, grumbling incoherently.

When Levi finally entered the room, leaning up against the doorframe to peer in slightly, not fully in the room, it took him only seconds to assess the situation. He glanced at the man holding us at gunpoint and to the beer-can in Erwin’s hands, to Mikasa still flopped boneless on the couch and finally back to the dirty man who had been keeping us silent with the threat of his loaded gun.

“Well isn’t this a fun nasty surprise,” He said harshly, a rude and unconscious mirroring of Erwin’s own greeting, only minutes before. “I really fucking hoped you were dead.”

It was one thing for the person who was threatening your life to ask for someone but entirely another to watch someone you could trust, acknowledge said man.

Briefly I remembered asking Hanji a couple months ago; when I first came to the base if Levi hated me. They had laughed, a bright a cheery sound, penetrated the stuffy silence that the ocean mist had brought with it, but giving a seriously look over the top of their mug that they held clutched tightly as if it was their lifeline in their hands, they had said, “Trust me, you’ll know when he hates you.”

I hadn’t understood at the time, not yet keen enough to Levi to know his normality and the thin thin line between those he hated and those he loved. The edges were blurred and in the grey area between, most people took up residence.

But now, watching Levi with this unfamiliar man, all doubts left me, flying away on wings that wouldn’t hold my weight, and I knew that Levi had never hated me, not even close.

“I want back what you stole from me.” The man said.

Levi laughed thinly and the sound was sharp and flinty, a cold imitation of a laugh of joy. “I know your beard is emptier than a fucking gun barrel, but I have stolen many things from you.  You’re going to have to be more specific.” His voice was flat, void of all emotion besides contempt.

The man however didn’t flinch at Levi’s barbed insult, only pushing forward with his topic, “The key.”

There was moment of dead silence after the request. Erwin had moved backwards, almost behind Levi, but I hadn’t noticed when Hanji and Nanabe entered the room, effectively blocking the doorway with a menacing aura. The blond leaned over to whisper something to them and whatever it was made the pair nod. Hanji stayed, while Nanabe slipped back into the shadows, blending into the darkness as if they were the same being. Moments later, there was the hushed sound of the front door opening and the white haired women slipping out only to be heard entering from the outside door that lead to the personal quarters, and then the clink of glass as the bottle of medicine was removed from the cabinet. She left again and then minutes later we could hear her speaking reassuringly to Mike in the kitchen.

_ ‘The Key.’                                   _ __

It seemed to almost echo around the room, even if it was quiet enough to hear the waves pounding on the rocky cliffs over beyond the hills and cars rushing by on the nearby highways, hurrying to get coffee at their favorite café and then continue on to their daily jobs and then on with their lives while we were stuck here, waiting for who knows what.

_ ‘The Key.’ _

It seemed wrong for the base to be quiet, even before the dead of night, it was never quite like this; the muted voices in the kitchen tapering off so it was just the echo of unsaid words pounding at the walls. It was as if the base had bled outwards, all its noise spilling out into the noisy world where it would be unnoticed. 

My own key, hidden by my shirt, thick and brass hung on my neck heavy and cold.

The silence was broken by Levi’s harshness, once again bringing the base back into the orbit of normalcy. “We just talked about this, I know you’re exceptionally fucking dense, but you can’t possibly think that we would have kept something that valuable. We sold it to the highest bidder within a week of stealing it from under your noses.”

I didn’t miss the subtle pronoun change from ‘I’ to ‘we’.

“Where?” The man demanded, pressing the barrel of the gun with increasing force to Jean’s head, there was now a red mark where it was pressed and Jean whimpered imperceptibly, the whimper barely audible, despite the empty room being as silent as ever.

Levi stepped forward, fully stepping into the room and capturing the focus of the entire room, crossing his arms across his chest. “Why are you so desperate? We stole that key nearly ten years ago.”

I didn’t notice it before, but there was a soft clipped accent that lingered on Levi’s words that hadn’t been there before, reeking of roughness and a flirting with violence.

I wondered how hard he worked each day to not let the accent slip out.

“Who did you sell it to?” The scruffy man asked desperately.

Levi countered with a question of his own, efficiently sidestepping the question that the man posed. “Who’s making you so desperate? What new master did you pretend to bow your head  and give them your loyalty to the death only to be waiting to stab them in their back with their own knife this time?”

There was moment of silence and then, “Kenny”

If before Levi had kept the easy air of nonchalant when talking to the unkempt man, it was shattered when the single sound of a name entered the air, instantly fouling it. Behind him, Hanji gave a small gasp, the empty name meaning something to them, but the biggest effect was on Levi.

Although he was fair skinned normally, he looked sickly pale now, and had frozen in place. When he looked up, he tilted his head to the side and met the man’s gaze with a gaze that dripped with icicles and frost. By genetics, he was naturally shorter than the majority of people in the room, but he seemed to grow until he towered over everybody, his face cruel and sharp. “I never thought I would hear you speak that name. I thought you passionately hated him.”

When there was only dead and stuffy silence, Levi went on, “That man was your shitty reason for nearly gouging Isabel’s eyes out with a soup-spoon and threatening to chop Farlan’s fingers off.”

There was shagginess in the way that the two unfamiliar names fell from Levi lips, slipping out like raindrops. Even if the context of their names were awful, it was clear that Levi loved and cared for them.

I wondered where Isabel and Farlan were now, if the amount of emotion in Levi’s voice when he had spoken their names, tasting them like candy, was any indication. It seemed unlikely that I wouldn’t have met them in the couple of months that I had been here.

The only other option was a path that I didn’t want to follow into the dark crevices that it lead, twisting thought the rotten undergrowth before arriving at its sickening contusion.

They were dead, those who had gotten past the grey of dislike and hate with Levi, to something that was a genuine love.

It was heartbreaking.

Once more there was only a stuffy silence in the room after Levi’s callous words.

Levi kept talking, his voice oozing ugliness, “It’s money isn’t it? Kenny was always one for paying his henchmen well, whether it be in money, booze or whores.”

Not for the first time I pondered about Levi’s past, it was something that Hanji and Erwin danced around without ever bringing up, only hinting at things I didn’t understand. 

“Shut up,” The bearded man said faintly but Levi didn’t pay him any mind.

“How pitiful, that your father was only worth the couple flimsy bills that his murderer pays you.”

“Shut up!” The other man said, louder this time and with increasing tension in his voice.

I felt sorry for Jean, with each needle at the man, the pressure on the gun rose.

“I mean,” Levi said, “Kenny was the reason  _ you fucking shot me. _ Twice. And your reason for torturing Isabel and Farlan. That’s not something that changes in so little time.” He stretched out the ‘so’ like it was cotton candy, tasting it to its fullest extent.

What sort of life did Levi lead before he was a Hunter if he had been shot and those he cared about tortured?

“Shut Up!” The man shouted at Levi, finally breaking and rising to the poisonous bait that Levi laid out carefully with fiendish hooks. “You wouldn’t understand.” He said quieter.

Levi tilted his head slightly as he studied the other man, “You’re right, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t understand why anyone would willingly ally themselves with that bastard.”

The way he said ‘bastard’ reeked of a lifetime of pain and untold stories.

Once more, there was only silence after what Levi had said. I didn’t understand why Levi was enraging the man who held us at gunpoint and our dangerously short lives in his grubby fingers.

Almost fading into the background behind the black haired man, Erwin and Hanji were standing almost casually; the only sign that they weren’t as relaxed as their position gave was their hands hovering over the hilt to their weapons. They were still blocking the doorway with a defensive wall of force and I didn’t have any doubt that if the need were to arise, their weapon would be in their hands within seconds.

The man was tenser than a coiled spring at Levi’s words and opposite him, Levi himself was looking as if he was made up of glass shards, sharp and jaggedly broken.

Cruelty was ugly on his features.

I wasn’t sure what it was that had been broken, but something inside the bearded man had snapped like a piece of pencil lead under too much pressure. Levi however had been expecting it, so when the man lunged at him with vicious intent, Levi didn’t flinch.

Instead he smirked.

It was as if time had slowed down.

The man charged at Levi, who stood steady in his stance, not moving even then, and in the seconds between when the man dove and then he arrived, Levi drew one of the razor sharp blades that adorned him.

I wasn’t sure what happened, it was over in a blink of an eye. The gun that the man had previously held to Jean’s head was shoved across the floor with a kick where it fired into the wall. In the time it took to respond to the gun, Levi attained a brutal cut underneath his eye, spilling blood down his face and onto his already stained scarlet shirt, yet the man who previously held the gun was writhing on the floor with Levi’s booted foot at his convulsing throat, shuttered gasps escaping the shabby man’s mouth, unconsciously in his panic.

Levi towered above the man and at that moment I had never been more frightened of him. The silver blade flashed between his finger where he toyed with it, slipping it from one hand to the next easily, slipping it between his fingers without a second thought. If he were to drop the knife, it would impale itself into the man who Levi stood over and both of them knew it.

I think that was the reason why Levi was doing it.

Levi wasn’t smirking anymore. There was an air of deadly seriousness to him as he surveyed the man underneath his foot, completely helpless below him.

When he spoke, his words were low and ruthless, and although they were whispered words, every soul in the room heard him as clearly as if he had been shouting. “If you ever come back I will kill you, and unlike your father’s death, it will be neither fast nor painless.”

His words had the desired effect as the man shuddered beneath Levi and all the fight drained out of him.

For the first time that night, I saw past the carefully crafted shield of cruelty that Levi wore as armor to the thick welling of pain underneath. Like a frozen lake, the sharp edges of the shattered ice hid something deep, dark and filled with an unbelievable amount of pain.

When Levi let the man up from being pinned to the floor, he rolled away from the shorter black haired man only to end up on all fours with a single hand clutching at his throat. Already I could see the faint blue of a forming bruise where Levi’s boot had been.

For a while he stayed that way, crouching and holding his throat as if he wasn’t sure that he had escaped alive.

Finally when the man looked up, his gaze was molten and reeked of hatred. Levi, however, looked bored.

“Just tell me where the fucking key is now.” The man said, his voice scratchy and hoarse and the effect of his unspoken malicious intent was diminished by him having to clear his throat halfway through the short sentence.  

Levi, looking bored, simply scoffed, “I already told you, I don’t know. We sold it within a couple days after you so willingly parted with it.”

The man snarled and with great effect, pushed himself off the littered carpet, so he was no longer crouching, but standing, slouching slightly to the side.

“I need it; I can’t go back without getting it.” The crude mask of brutality had shifted on the man and underneath it hid a vastness of desperation.

“Then,” Levi said flatly and almost sweetly, “You should either not have let it been stolen so easily or at the very least, not serve that asshole.”

The words had barbed jabs of history to them, sharper than the knife blade that Levi absentmindedly tapped against his side, marking the ticking of time with a small dull pattering sound, and whatever it was the man reacted like Levi predicted he would.

Letting out a swear that would have even made hardened sailors wince, the grimy man aimed a pocket knife at Levi. His arm was trembling I noticed, and all the while Levi stood still, at the end of a weapon with malice painting an ugly shade on his features.

Levi was smiling and it wasn’t out of joy, vindictiveness and spite gave the smile shark teeth.

It was a fight without sound, and Levi lifted a single pencil thin eyebrow at the man who in-turn stuttered, causing the knife to waver.   

Finally the man lowered the knife looking shamed faced, giving the barest of nods to his people, he slipped the blade into its sheath on his belt.

The man who had held the gun to Jean’s head was the last to leave, but when he was about to, Hanji blocked his path. With a snarl, the brunette grasped the man by his collar and heaved him up. When they spoke it was low and deadly, “I don’t care who you are or what you want, but if you come here again, or if I ever see you I will rend your head from your body and feed your filthy slimy innards to demon spawn while enjoying the show.”

The man was quite taken aback by Hanji’s act of aggression, and yanking his body from their grasp, he cast a dirty look at all who were in the room and then, his footsteps slammed loudly, echoing across the base.

When the slam of the front door was heard distantly, we all turned expectantly to Levi and Erwin, waiting for them to move and bring the base back into its orbit.

Nanabe and Mike arrived in the doorway behind Hanji and they let them into the room with a small sidestep where the two blonds surveyed the damage.

Mike was shirtless and his chest was a collage of white and red, bandages completely covered his chest and a single trail of the sterile white was looped across one of his broad shoulder to hold them up.

Vaguely, I noticed that Nanabe’s pale hand was engulfed in Mike’s larger one, their clasped fingers tight with stress and fear.

They didn’t say anything, but only went to where the other three veterans stood, where they received quiet hushed orders, and still hand in hand, they departed once more from the room.

Finally Levi moved, slowly, like a cat uncurling from a nap from where he was standing and made his way to Jean who was still huddled on the floor. He crouched down to study the pale two-toned male who was curled around himself.

Jean flinched when Levi’s shadow fell over him and for that second, before he masked it, Levi looked unbearably sad. Sticking his hand out to pull Jean off the floor, he said, “I’m sorry that you were caught in that.”

Levi glanced at the rest of the room after he said that and then amended his statement, “All of you, I’m sorry that you were caught in the middle of that mess. I’m sorry that you had to see that.”

I think we were all equally shocked that Levi apologized.

At long last, Jean grasped Levi’s outstretched hand after glancing to the sides, and Levi hauled him to his feet.

Jean swayed slowly as if on a ship far from sea, his eyes slid shut and then less than seconds after standing up; he toppled over face first, passed out from fear. Hanji caught him with a small grunt and then gingerly lowered Jean to the floor.

There was a small angry red mark on his forehead where the muzzle had been pressed.

Even if I wasn’t the closest with Jean, I felt a sharp sting of hatred for the man who had done this to us and had hurt Jean.

Still in silence, Hanji and Erwin moved into the room, doing as Levi was, slowly checking on us. Sasha and Connie were both pale but no worse for wear and they were at least still conscious. Numbly, they accepted the offered hand and were led over to the couch where Levi was checking on Mikasa.

There was genuine worry on his face as he looked over the black haired sleeping woman. Mikasa had passed out the second the unfriendly people had no longer been a threat, her exhaustion finally dragging her down into the silky blackness of rest.

“Why’d you lie to him?” Erwin asked in the quietness of them moving around the room.

Levi was looking at me now, squatting down to look me in the face and then stood up and like Jean, offered me a hand to help me up. But unlike Jean I took the offered hand without hesitation.

“Where is the key now?” Erwin asked, following up his first question as if Levi had answered it.

When there was only long stretches of silence without Levi’s low voice, Erwin pursued, “Levi.”

Finally Levi answered and when he did we all stared at him with equal amounts of shock and horror.

“Well, I wasn’t going to tell him the truth.” Levi’s replied curtly, “That the key that he was so desperately seeking is worn be one of the same people that he held at gunpoint for several hours.”

Around my neck on the worn leather cord that it hung from, the key, hidden from all by my shirt, felt frosted against my skin.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual comments and kudos keep the story going so if you could take a like bit of time to tell me what you thing that would be great!


	9. Ghosts that we Once Knew

I was ten when my parents gave me the key.

It had been Christmas, I think. A deeply evergreen tree had stood in the background, blurred with time and hung with the fragile painted glass orbs and homemade ornaments, crafted by a clumsy child’s hand. The ribbon and pom-poms had been scrappily glued together and slathered with glitter and paint. On the foam back of each one, there was an awkward snapshot of time, a small square photo of me squinting at the camera, growing taller with each passing year.

It had been Mikasa’s first Christmas with us, only a short couple weeks since we had taken her into the chaotic swell of our daily lives.

It had only been a few short weeks since the universe gave her the early twisted Christmas gift of murdered parents, memories of blood, and a lingering dread of the darkness.

Our house always seemed smaller when it was Christmas time, our shoe-box sized house, brimming with all there was and overflowing out into the world. Dense medical books with a coating of dust; beads and bits of fabric, too small to make anything with, yet too large to throw away; stuffed bears that had been passed down for generations and hazy, colourful emotions and so much more. These had taken up all the space in our home, teeming over the bookshelves in hap hazardous piles that crowded hallways, escaping their designated boxes or rooms, and cluttering our house up with all the best things.

Outside there had been a thin sheet of sparkling white snow on the ground. Snow always had a beautiful way of painting the world in silence and magic and this Christmas was no exception.

We had been ecstatic for snow given how rare it was for where we lived, and we had spend the morning outside, the small delicate Armin, the still silent Mikasa and I.

Armin and his grandfather had come over for the day, arriving early in the morning bearing gifts and steaming mugs of hot coco, and leaving tracks in the otherwise perfect snow.

In the evening we opened the meager, yet generous, pile of gifts underneath the tree, wrapped in their brightly coloured papers and brilliant ribbons and bows.

I had given Mikasa the red wool scarf that I had found earlier that month in a small shop nearby. She had been eyeing it, stopping to gaze longing at it through the window, her small hand leaving smudges on the otherwise clear glass. And I had saved up money, adding pennies and dimes and dollars to a jar until I had enough to buy the scarf.

I remember wrapping the thick wool in white tissue paper. I had been so excited to give it to her.

When she had opened it, she had gasped softly and thick tears had started to roll down her cheeks. I hadn’t meant to make her cry and unsure of what to do, I had taken the scarf and wrapped it around her.

Mikasa had looked like a painting in contrasts with her fair skin and ebony hair and the bright shock of red of the scarf.

Needless to say, she had liked the scarf and each year, from the first yellow leaves of autumn to the last tulip bloom of spring, she will wear the scarf tied elegantly, around her neck.

We had just finished dessert and my face was still sticky from the sweet spicy syrup of the traditional apple quesadilla, when my parents had approached me, my mother looking hesitant and my father grim.

Armin’s Grandfather had hushed Mikasa and Armin out of the room despite their avid curiosity the moment my parents approached me.

They had made my wash my hands first, scrubbing the stickiness off with a small sweet smelling bar of soap, before they gave me the small box.

It had been wrapped in a tissue paper decorated with small multihued reindeer wearing vibrant scarves and absurdly, I had been reminded of Mikasa, her own vivid scarf still wrapping her in warmth in the living room, and I remember not wanting to ruin the perfection of the paper or the image of Mikasa by tearing it.

The box was small, I could easily fit it in my hands, enfolding it and hiding it from the world in my grasp even as a child.

I hadn’t wanted to open the little box; there had been a pit of uneasy in my comfortably stuffed stomach, telling me in a barely heard whisper that I wouldn’t like what was inside.

But I had opened the box, listening to the sound of my closest friends chattering in the background, I had ripped the perfect reindeer with their patterned scarves away from their trees which they proudly stood next to.

Inside was a lavishly decorated black box. Blood red blossoms bloomed among the inky darkness, twining their way through thorns that look sharp enough to draw blood, even carved onto the lid. It was dark and eerie and among the brambles I thought I caught a glimpse of wolves.

Even if the sound of people surrounded me, the world had seem hushed when I opened the creaky lid, as if the falling snow outside had smothered the house and the world had stopped moving in that single moment.

And there, nested amongst midnight blue velvet, bronze and gleaming, had been the key.

It was large for a key and clearly old, bright worn patches of gold made a collage of age with the other shimmering hues. Printing a story of time in colours and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know..

I hadn’t wanted the key, as if I had sense the maliciousness that lurked around the key like a tainted haze, but still I had lifted it from the box  where it lay on a worn leather thread, thinned with age and softened with time.

My beautiful mother with her soft edges and fierce gentleness had taken it from my hand with her long graceful fingers and slipped the cord around my neck where it fell softly against my shirt with a mild thump.

Even though the fabric, the key felt chilled to the touch.

They had made me promise _never_ to take it off and I had promised with all the longevity of a ten year old boy, hiding my doubt and ignoring my gut instinct.

I hadn’t thought about it then.

But I thought about it now.

*******

I’m disoriented when I wake up.

I can’t tell where I am, the darkness is crushing and in the background I can hear a steady murmur of voices.

It’s an unwelcome reminder of the last time that I woke up without knowing where I was.

It had been a while since I last thought of my first solo mission I quickly push the dreaded reminder out of my mind. We never did figure out what had happened in the decrepit old building and the thought still haunts me.

It’s only when I roll over with a grunt do I realize that I’m on the battered couch in the living room of the base I now call home, it's ugly plaid design pressed against my chest.

For a moment I can’t get the image of Mikasa lying on the same couch, weak and terrified, threatened by an unknown man for what I, myself, wear around my neck unknowingly.

It makes me hate myself.

I was dreaming about the Christmas that I received the key and I’m nostalgic in all the worst ways.

I can still hear my mother’s gentle voice and the soft flowery scent that always accompanied her wherever she went.

I haven’t missed her this much in years.

It hurts.

Sighing I bring my hand to my nose before I apprehend what I’m doing and let it drop with a sigh,  I won’t catch the scent of my long dead mother on my own hand.

It takes me a moment to regain my balance when I swing my feet for the floor with a mild thump and stand up, wobbling slightly.

I’m unsettled from the dream about my family, and for the short minute it takes me to walk to the kitchen, I entertain fantasies of what it would be like if my mother was waiting for me in the kitchen. Her hands would be elbow deep in flour and bread dough, making the whole house smell sweetly. She would be wearing her favorite sunflower apron, dotted with cheerful yellow blossoms and tied in the back with an graceful knot that I never quite mastered. She would turn to look and me, brushing the hair back from her face, and leaving a white floury streak in its wake

“ _Eren_ ” She would say, the name falling from her mouth like something beautiful and in a way that no one else can say and that I’m desperate to hear.

I would go to her, crossing the room in a fraction of a second, pulling her small frame tight against mine in a crushing hug and for the longest time I wouldn’t let go.

Even though I know better to hope, I can still feel my heart clench when the kitchen is empty of her presence.

Instead I find everyone else.

Jean and Mikasa are sitting at the table looking uncomfortable, Jean with a gauzy bandage on his forehead and my sister sitting tense, her back painfully straight, and beneath her eyes, I can see dark bags.

I want to hug her.

Sitting next to them at the table is Connie and Sasha, both stiffer than I have ever seen them before, like the laughter that was in them is gone, stolen by _that man_ , taken as easily as childhood innocence in broken.

At the other end of the table are Erwin and Hanji, still sitting at the table with the rest, but there is a clear and invisible separation between them and my friends. While the others are sitting tense, both Hanji and Erwin are slouched over. Erwin’s back curving in the dim lights.

Mike and Nanabe are nowhere to be seen, and for a moment I’m twistedly relieved, to not have to see how badly Mike was wounded and face the grim reality of what it means to be a high level Hunter.

Erwin has his face in his hands, his hair falling in a gauzy curtain around his face.

Yet if Erwin seemed separated from the people sitting at the same table then Levi is in another world, leaning against the countertop with a snarl and a steaming mug.

He always seemed to separate himself from the others.

Hanji notices me leaning in the doorway, my disappointment for the impossible written in dark lines across my features. They nod to me and I take that as a sign to enter the room. There’s a single chair left at the table and I think it was intended for me but instead I take up residence next to Levi along the countertop.

“Can you go get Armin?” Erwin asks. I’m not sure who’s he talking to, but Jean gets up and leaves the room.

In the restless stillness of Jean’s absence, I make myself a cup of tea.

I’ve never made a cup of tea at the base before and as I fumble around looking for the necessary things, I feel the gaze of those at the table watching me.

By the time that I have opened several cupboards looking for a mug, I’m keenly aware of the other’s looks and my burning face.

My embarrassment is broken when Armin hurries into the room, his golden hair disheveled by sleep and wearing only a loose tee shirt and pajama pants, breaking also the quiet and Jean sidles in behind him.

He takes the single chair that was left for me, mending the separation between the older Hunters and the younger ones.

In the commotion of their arrival, I turn away from my search to give a half-hearted wave to my childhood friend and when I turn back to the counter, a mug is waiting for me on the counter.

I sneak a look at Levi who meets my gaze steadily. I give him a small grin thanks and he gives me a small nod in return.

The tea drawer is lavish, I find, filled with a vast variety of teas that I’ve never heard of  anywhere other than fancy magazines with even fancier advertisements featuring beautiful women delicately sipping tea from fine china cups. I think Erwin is waiting for me to finish to before he starts talking and with that in mind I take longer, taking a deliberately long amount of time in adding just the right amount of honey and stirring in the boiling water. I had chosen a tea bag from a semi dusty box of summer blueberry and it’s only once I take a sip do I understand why.

It reminds me of my mom.

But even if the taste of the tea makes me nostalgic, it is still hot as fuck and I scald my tongue painfully, losing my sense of taste in one hot painful swoop.

It’s only when I set the mug down on the counter with a loud clink, a small bit of tea sloshing over the rim to land on the countertop, does Erwin start.

He seems lost for words for the first time I’ve seen him.

“First” he starts, his gaze darting all over the room before finally making eye contact with Jean who filches back, “I’m sorry that you were exposed to that experience. It was never our intention when we took to a job that would require all of the services of the elder Hunters, to place anyone in a situation where They could get hurt. Mikasa, my apologizes, we would not have borrowed your strength if we knew that you would have needed it later in the evening.”

Erwin clears his throat again, looking awkwardly around the table, as if hoping that someone else would finish the rest of his thoughts out loud. When no one does, however, he keeps speaking, addressing Levi.

“What is the key, Levi?” he asks soundly. Levi however doesn’t answer, his pale and scarred hand held out in front of him as he studies his palm with the single minded determination of not answering

Erwin tries again, “Why is the key important?” However when the silence stretches taut and thick like cotton candy in the kitchen, he looks resentful and forcibly says the black haired man’s name in an attempt to get him to answer. “Levi!”

Levi waits for a long moment before looking up, “It’s not my secret to tell.” He finally says, meeting Erwin’s gaze with his own intensely icy one, not sparing a glance at anyone else.

“Excuse me?” Demands Erwin.“Levi!” He commands again.

“I gave them my word that I wouldn’t give up the secrets of the key unless it gave them up itself.”

“Levi!” Erwin say once more as if Levi hadn’t spoken, marking the fourth time in a short period, exasperation clear and profuse in his deep voice.

“Saying my name multiple times is not going to change what I said.” Levi says mildly, sounding bored and his body language giving away nothing.

Erwin is standing now, his annoyance giving way to anger in at the shorter man. Most of the people at the table look taken aback but Levi has the same reaction to Erwin as he did to the man with the gun: indifference.

I take a sip of my tea as I watch this only to remember my burnt tongue and swallow the hot liquid painfully and without tasting it.

“People were just held at gunpoint because of that key, _they could have died_ , Levi, and you’re still not breaking your word to this unknown person.” There is scorn in his voice that I’ve never heard before as the word ‘unknown’ slips past his lips, spitting it out like something foul.

They’ve had the same argument before.

“Yes.” Levi says simply in a modest way that leaves no room to fight him on this.

Finally Hanji pipes up the background, sparing Levi from whatever the red-faced Erwin was about to spew like poison into the air. “Is the key a danger to the base?” They ask slowly and calculatingly.

“No.” However unlike his last answer, the single syllable wavers slightly as it leaves his mouth.

“No?” Erwin asks, “As in it will never be a danger to the base? Or as in, no, not at the moment.”

Levi’s silence answers for him. The latter.

Erwin sighs, his short lived anger receding back to the dark crevices where it  had emerged from. “Is there a chance that it will become a danger in the near future?”

“Possibly.” Levi answers, casually sipping his tea and meeting Erwin’s gaze over the rim of the mug.

The tall blond looks very much done with Levi and his unbreakable word, and he flexes his jaw, making it pop loudly, before he speaks again. “Will you tell us the secret of the Key if it becomes a danger to the base and the Hunters here?” There is a note of danger in his voice; there is only one right answer to his question.

“Yeah,” Levi says slightly, “But only because if it becomes a danger to the base, it will already have given up its secrets to the world.”

*******

It’s colder than I expected as I step outside, closing the door behind me with a low click.

It’s a little past seven in the morning and the first rays of sunlight bleed across the cracked parking lot as I stand watching. The sun hasn’t fully risen yet, it’s light still dim and casting the world with an eeriness that only early mornings possess. The utter stillness and silence of things not yet awake.

The conversation in the kitchen had been around eleven last night, the time illuminated in neon green letters on the panel of the rickety white stove.

We had all crashed into bed and then into the folds of slumber when the man had finally left, taking the threat of death with him as he fled out of the door and back into whatever shadows had born him and he called home. The older Hunters too, were weary with exhaustion and danger, their mission had been long and arduous and deadly.

We had all slept for hours, spending entirety the daylight hours curled up and snoring, each of us clutching close whatever it was that helped us chase away the night terrors that crept upon us with our closed eyes with their long claws and witched teeth, whether it was a toy or an animal or a living breathing person.

When the base had finally crept blearily back to the land of the wakefulness, it had been late at night, and after the brief pointed conversation in the kitchen Erwin had suggested that we all try to sleep again so that we would be able to function at a normal time again come morning.

Levi had only scoffed at this, his upper lip raised in scorn and after tearing a job from the cork board in the common room, he left, the door slamming with a bang as he went.

Hanji had looked sympathetic as he had scoffed, their hands curls protectively around a mug of tea that had steamed up their glasses.

They had come to stand behind Levi as he had surveyed the job board, finally selecting on a small torn rectangle of stained paper that had been stamped with a small moon symbol in black ink in the corner, overlapping the last word of the title.

“Levi…” Hanji had asked tentatively, before he moved away.

“What?” He didn’t seem surprised that Hanji was standing there, even though their steps had been nearly silent.

“Issy and Farlan had a terror of that man didn’t they?” It was the second time that I had heard the unfamiliar names in the past twenty-four hours.

When Levi answered he looked unbearable sad.“Yeah.” He doesn’t give more that and Hanji doesn’t ask, only letting out a sigh.

When Levi turns to go however, Hanji catches his arm and pull the black haired man into a tight but short hug. They wrap their long tan arms around his torso, and press his face into their boney shoulder. Levi doesn’t hug them back and Hanji both seems to expect it and accepted it. “Be safe, Lee.” They say before turning to leave. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

Levi only hums in response.

From my vantage point in the doorway, I can feel myself blushing. I felt like I had witnessed something terribly private and and unbearably honest. As if I had seen past a layer of Levi, a shield that was up and ready all the time and those two names were some of the only things that could get past his defenses.

Hanji knocks me on the shoulder as they bumble past; giving me a small smile and a wave they sigh again and then leave on the unsteady steps of fatigue.

I stop Levi in his path when he turns to leave. He looks startled when I block his path, trapping him in the room by taking up the doorway.

“What?” He asks and he sounds more fatigued than I had ever heard before. Underneath his eyes are dark sagging bags, bright in contrast to his pale face, discolouring it like an ugly bruise

“Are you alright?” I hadn’t meant to ask the question, it just sort of slipped out when I was caught off guard by exhaustion.

He looks at me as if seeing me a new light, tilting his face forward to study me. “I should be asking you that.”

I force a laugh, “I wasn’t the one who saw a nasty person from their past. I was only tied up at gunpoint.” I try to make a joke about it but it falls flat from my mouth, cracking the gentle moment between us.      

“I’m sorry,” He says again but doesn’t comment elsewise of the rest of my statement.

“Err… Levi…” I say, and he looks at me with a guarded expression, something in my voice betraying that this wasn’t the simple question I tried to portray it as. When he merely waits for me to continue, I ask, “What is the key?” I try to say it forcefully but it comes out more as a whimper.

Levi hitches up a single pencil thin pitch black eyebrow at me, “When I promised to not tell the secrets of the key, that includes you.” His voice isn’t snide like I had expected it to be, instead there is a note of kindness as he looks at me.

I don’t try to stop him as he slips past me into the hallway and with a muted goodbye to Erwin he is gone, leaving me standing in the doorway with secrets that both concerning me but also exclude me at the same time.

Erwin’s presence behind me makes me jump when he comes up to stand in the hallways, minutes later, where I’m still lost in my mind, “Did Levi say something?” He asks, hesitantly, as if he doesn’t really wish to know.

“No.” I say, whirling around to face him, “It’s more of what he didn’t say.”

Erwin make a knowing noise and looks relieved, after a pause he says, “He’s like that. That man has more secrets than a pomegranate has seeds. It’s just how he is.”

I keep thinking about the worn path of their fight in the kitchen.

“Right.” I said hurriedly, resisting the urge to point out that some pomegranates have very few seeds, and push past him in my hurry to get to my room.

I regret say what I said now, as if what Erwin had said had tainted the memory of apologetic or the heartbrokenly sad Levi. It seemed cruel to me, for Erwin, one of Levi’s closest friends to write him off as shut off and simply leave it at that.

Nobody is unknowable.

*******

Even though the sun is rising steadily, the forest of looming ancient trees is still cloaked in night as I take the first tentative steps in between the scarred trunks. Behind me, the still dark base is barely visible. I take one last glance backwards and then step farther in, cutting of the view of home.

Inside the forest is a whole different world.

I had seen the trees and forest since I had lived at the base but I had never dared enter till now. There is a small worn deer trail that I step onto. Overhead the loaded bows of the trees linger way above my head, creating a canopy that blocks of the sun’s feeble morning rays.

I wouldn’t be surprised to find creatures of magic in a forest this old. Some of the tree trunks are easily double the length of my arms and some are even larger than that.

When it gets too dark to see the trail I light a small dancing flame in my hand.

Fire is risky and as much as I’ve practiced that last couple months, it’s still unsteady and dangerous to play around with.

But right now I’m feeling reckless.

With each step father away from the base the sound of the waves get louder and louder, over powering the quietness of the early morning.

The birds are singing when I finally break through the trees. It’s a rocky outcropping and below me, the bay stretches out farther than I can see, it’s so impossibly blue and yet with each wave the colour shifts, first grayer and then with tints of light blue and then green. With each blue it changes in a never ceasing blur of unpredictable pure essence of colour.

It is breathtaking and awe inspiring and all the things that move poets and painters and artists, each one painting the ever changing image with their own pallet, some words, some colours, some fabric, or some music.

I sit on a rock, and simply watch wave after wave break.

Its mesmerizing.

I can’t stop hearing my mother voice making me promise to never take the key off.

Then I hear the Levi voice, “ _It’s not my secret to tell._ ”

He’s right.

It’s mine.

I know what I have to do.

Holding the one hand that holds the softly glimmering flame high, I grab the key in my hand. Instantly my fingers feel numb and prickly.

I take it off, the leather cord catching on my head briefly before slipping smoothly off.

The fire jumps brilliantly and suddenly, exploding in a flurry of sparks and hues of red, taking over my hand and arcing upward. It tenderly licks the yellow and red leaves of the first branch and then the whole tree is up in flame.

The birds stop singing.

But I don’t have time to think about it, because suddenly, I’m not Eren anymore.

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you love cliffhangers as much as I love them? :D
> 
> (Can we just pretend that Arcata has forest like this for a couple chapters? Please? Thanks a bunch.)  
> Also I'm so sorry that this chapter was so many weeks later, however chapter ten should be posted much sooner. :)
> 
> (Also I'm so sorry if this has errors in it. It it does would you be so kind to point them out in the comments? Thank you so much!)
> 
> Kudos and Comments are fuel folks so tell me what you think! :)


	10. What it means to be Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahehehe...  
> (Can you believe I'm actually early in posting a chapter? Scandalous.)
> 
> (However, unfortunately, Chapter Eleven will take a while to be posted. Things are about to get hectic soon... I will try to post is as soon as I can and I will still be answering comments. Thank you for you patience lovely bean. :))

Levi was on a job when he felt it.

The familiar stony weight of fatigue was pulling down his limbs as he rubbed his fair skinned hand across his weary face, pinching the brow of his nose and tried to focus his heavy eyes back on the man who had put in the request for the job.

_ Maria,  _ he was so tired.

It had been nearly forty-five hours since he had last slept and he was feeling it now, in the slowness of his thoughts and the dragging ache of his limbs. 

Levi would get himself killed if he couldn’t pull it together enough to focus on the job at hand. 

The man who had called for the job was a middle aged fellow with a very shiny bald head who happened to be a little hard of hearing and seemed to think that Levi was as well, as he spoke in a squeaking yet booming voice and repeated everything he said at least twice over, if not more. Each time that Levi spoke the man cocked his hand around his ear and made Levi repeat what he had said multiple times until he understood.

It wasn’t an overly complex job but it time consuming and tedious and right now, Levi wished he was doing anything but this.

Well,  _ almost  _ anything.

He just wanted to sleep, but he didn’t want to have to face the  _ damn  _ nightmares that came to haunt him every time he closed his heavy eyelids. 

He had seen enough living nightmares for a lifetime.

It was as if the man with the gun had sprung to life from Levi’s memories, coming back to torment his waking hours, as if the sparse few hours that Levi slept hadn’t been enough. He knew the next time he closed his eyes he would be dreaming about the awful night that the same fucking man had tied up Isabel and Farlan and shot Levi.

The scar on his chest hadn’t stopped aching ever since he had seen the man.

So he didn’t sleep.

The feeling of wrongness was just suddenly there, stopping his slow daydreams about peaceful slumber and coming about as suddenly and intensely as a summer thunderstorm.

He needed to leave  _ right then _ .

“I have to go.” Levi told the old man, cutting him off from finishing a rambling sentence.

“Excuse me?” The man said loudly, raising his gnarled hand to cup his ear.

“I have to go.” Levi said again.

“Excuse me?” The man bellowed, still holding his pale and wrinkly ear, as if it would help him to hear better.

“I” Levi said, patience wearing thin and putting enunciation on each word, gesturing broadly to himself as he spoke. “Have to leave  _ right fucking now. _ ”

When the man said “Excuse me?” for the third time, Levi was unsure if it was because he still hadn’t heard, if he didn’t understand what Levi was saying, or if he was insulted by Levi’s foul language.

However whatever it was, Levi didn’t stay long enough to find out, he simply walked out, briefly placing his hands on the hilts of his knives to check if they were still there and turned his back on the man, who was still pointing abstractly to something in the old closet, and with a promise to be return, the door slammed shut with a note of finality behind him.

 

Levi was about fifteen minutes and three miles away from home when it happened, the worn leather of the steering wheeling clutched tight in his sweaty palms.

The immensely deep welling of more power than Levi had ever felt was just suddenly  _ there _ .

He felt like he was floating in a sea made of heroin and electricity.

Every single thing seemed to crackle. Even the small metal studs in his ears were buzzing. The black knob for the radio was audibly hissing, the metal clip of the seat belt is burning hot and everything was alive and dancing with fire.

The feeling of nausea that followed the electricity, however, was a surprise.

Frantically Levi steered the car to the side of the road and heavily slamming his high top converse clad foot on the brakes. By the time that the car had fully stopped moving, leaving black skid marks in the gravel of the pull out, the black haired man was outside the car, crouched down, hands on his knees and promptly retching. Dry heaving and panting, Levi stood, there hadn’t been anything in his stomach for him to vomit up, and sticky strings of saliva trailed from his mouth.

Levi had never felt that much magic released at once.

_ What the fuck just happened? _

He had to find Eren.

*******

My bones are aching, snapping and reforming with pain, when I crack open my eyes.

I’m lying on my side, and ignoring the rugged pounding of my head, I cast my eyes to the sky. Above me, sunlight filters through the branches in a cacophony of reds and gold and sparks.

Fire.

It’s not sunlight it’s fire.

The forest surrounding me is burning.

_ Fuck. _

Frantically, I try to get to my feet, but when I do I have too many limbs and my balance is broken, the weight of my back is unusually heavy and it’s like I’ve forgot how to walk. I stumble and fall back to the ground once more, smashing my shoulder on a stone, and at once pain blossoms dark and sickly thought my already painfully loud skull.

Blindly I grope for my shoulder, trying of ease the blooming pain, but I can’t. I can’t reach and when I look down, it’s not a hand but a paw.

A large golden paw with wickedly pointed claws.

What the  _ fuck _ ?

_ What is going on? _

The last thing I remember is taking off the key, smoothly slipping the cord over my neck, where it fell, the worn and soft leather cord coiling effortlessly in the palm of my hand.

What happened after I took off the key?

I can hear my mother's voice warning me to never take off the key and my father's voice making me promise.

_ What had I just done? _

Above me, the fire is growling alarmingly fast. The scarlet flames have escaped the boundaries of the first tree and leapt, bridging the gap, to the next closest tree, which was instantly aflame. Sparks shower down to the ground where I’m standing and they hiss and pop like a wild creature.

Mikasa finds me like that, moments later when she emerges from the creeping darkness of the shadows as smoothly as flowing water, her black hair and red scarf blending into the hellscape around me.

Her eyes grow huge as she looks at me and I can’t help but wonder what she sees. When she reaches for the twin swords strapped to her back, she stumbles. “Demon!” She says, horrified, staring at me with large eyes and a deathly pale face.

It takes me a second of panicked searching to realize that she’s talking about  _ me _ .

_ Am I a demon? _

I cower, lowering my head until it is nearly brushing the ground and flattening my ears, closing my mouth and tucking the thin tufted tail between my legs in a desperate instinct to try to prove unthreatening.

Yet, even though my jaw is nearly touching the ground and I’m not making eye-contact with my nearly closed eyes, she still advances, her silver swords glinting and throwing colours of the reflected flames above us.

When she stumbles for the second time, catching herself at the last moment, I look up, concerned.

It’s only when she meets my gaze for the first time since she arrived, does she pause, stumbling once again by her abrupt stop, and all colour drains from her already sickly pale features.

“Eren?” Mikasa asks weakly.  _ “Eren?” _

I don’t answer her; I don’t know how to in this body that is not mine.

“Eren?” She demands more forcefully. “What have you done with Eren you fucking demon?” If there was any hesitation the first time she started advancing, it is gone when she steps forward this time.

I didn’t mean to scare her, only warn her, but the snarl that rips forth from my mouth is cruel and sharp and cutting making my sister flinch back.

Sparks and tendrils of fame are flickering above us, but Mikasa ignore them in favor of stepping towards me, ignoring my warning of violence if she kept forward, her swords already in her hands, as if they became instantly became part of her body the movement it was needed. Her eyes are dark and hooded with intent.

Mikasa lunges for me then, her ebony black hair streaking out behind her in a blur of the shadows that she’s fading in and out of. Her weapons are quick and sharp and all I can try to do is evade her.

However when her blade nicks deep into my  already sore shoulder, drawing a blood that isn’t red, I can’t stop the deep growl that winds its way out of my throat, hungry for the blood that I don’t want to shed.

I do the only thing I can think to do.

Rolling my head and shoulders, I knock into Mikasa with enough force that she falls, sprawling on the hot ground. It shouldn’t be that easy to knock her over and once more concern fills me with unease. Towing over her, I bring my face close to hers and whimper, low and ragged and needy.

She has tears in her eyes as she gazes up at me through heavy lidded lashes. “I can’t lose Eren too,” She says, her voice waving, “I won’t let you have him to do whatever you’re planning to do with him. Whatever you already did.”

I don’t know how the tell her that I am Eren.

The conviction in her voice is my only warning as Mikasa surges upwards, trying madly to regain her weapons, her red scarf waving behind her like a banner of her determination.

She manages to reach for one of the swords that I had knocked out of her grasp before my cumbersome paw lands on her chest, effectively pinning her to the ground.

“What have you done?” She screams at me, her voice shrill and piercing in the sooty air. “What have you done with Eren?”

Once more I try to answer, but my voice only comes out as a low whimper of desperation.

There is something crackling through the trees around us, and I look up, seeking the source of the sound, my ears pricked with intent.

The only answer I get is the painful sharp stinging blow of an arrow lodging itself in the same paw that holds Mikasa down.

I can’t stop the roar that claws it way out of my mouth, low and mournful and then high and biting in anger and pain and danger.

‘Let go off her, you foul beast.” A steady voice commands me from the direction in which the arrow flew from.

I swing my head around, not releasing Mikasa from underneath my paw and meet the gaze of Petra.

She has a long bow clutched tightly in her hands and the look in her eyes is far from the same look as when I first met her. The sweet soft-spoken Petra that I had shared dinner with is gone, replaced with something cold and calculating and dangerous.

For the first time, I understand why she was chosen for the highest ranking squad in history.

There is more rustling in the undergrowth surrounding us and when I turn to investigate the sound, I meet the steely gaze of the rest of Levi’s squad. They have surrounded me and Mikasa in a semicircle, effectively trapping us against the crumbling cliffs that far way lead to the trembling sea below.

They ignore the fire above us, even though it is spreading quickly, the ring of flames growing bright and angrier with each passing second, spreading from tree to tree.

I have to get out of here.  _ We _ have to get out of here, but right now I don’t know if any of us will.

Distantly, out of the corner of my gaze I sense that the loose circle is getting tighter and tighter.

Both my shoulder and leg are bleeding profusely and hot blood is matting down my fur and running down my legs.

I hear it before Petra and Mikasa do, there is crashing in the forest from the direction of the path that I came in on, growing louder with each passing second. However when I prick my ears with all my attention on the sounds, they turn to listen for the sound as well.

I think we are all surprised when Levi come barreling through the trees, his usual grace absent. Eld spin around to face him, but he ignores him. He has his hands on his knees, his body hunched over and his breaths coming in ragged pants.

“Eren,” He says, finally looking up, exhaustion thick in his voice, and addressing me as me for the first time since I had taken this accursed body, “Eren, for _ fucking Maria’s sake. _ ”

Levi looks upwards, and sighs again, before giving a muted order to Petra and Oluo to put out the fire, deafly ignoring their protests to push through their ranks of the semi circle that they had created. “ _ Sina, _ Eren, have some respect for a thousand years old forest.” He says grumpily as he regards the fire above us.

His icy blue gray gaze lingers on me for a second before landing on Mikasa, still pinned under the heavy weight of my foot.

Sighing, Levi says, “Let up you sister, Eren.”

Mikasa gasped, her mouth opening and closing like a fish as she took in what Levi said, “Eren?” She splutters weakly.

It’s only when I turn to fully face him to realize just how small Levi really is. When I stood facing Mikasa I met her stare at eye level, but I have to dip my head down to meet Levi’s smoldering gaze. I could easily rest my chin on top of his head.

Almost daintily, I lift my paw just enough to let Mikasa roll out from underneath, where she lunges at Levi, hissing.

“ _ What the fuck is happening? _ ” She snarls at the black haired man.

“Move” He says coldly, “You’re in the way.” However when Mikasa only plants her feet more firmly, he says almost weakly, “Please. I know you have no reason to trust me, but trust me this once. You’ll only be in the way right now.”

Whatever it was that he had meant must have made sense to Mikasa because she gave him a tight lipped nod and steps away.

Over his shoulder, Levi calls out to her without breaking his steady eye contact with me, “Go get Erwin and whoever else is at the base, and bring a blanket.”

She sends him a scornful look but nods reluctantly and vanishes into the receding shadows of the forest.

Above us there is a sucking popping noise that leaves my ears ringing, and above us, the fire is gone, leaving only charred branches and soot floating in the air, as if pinched out as easily as a candle flame, here one moment then gone the next.

The relief and guilt flood me at the same time.

Levi, however, barely glances upward, still not breaking his intense eye contact with me.

I snarl at him, my unease at the nonstop eye contact and my unease at his unknown intentions bubbling over. And when he only curls his lip at me, I start forward, more willing to prove my threat of violence in a way that I wasn’t with my sister.

Levi sneers elegantly and in a low voice says, “Test me, I fucking dare you.” His icy gaze is burning, flinching I drop my eyes, breaking our gazes and then my head to the ground.

I can still smell the scent of his body in my nose and I’m keenly aware of his scent in a way that I’ve never been before. He smells of a thousand different things all blended together in something that could only be described as  _ winter. _

I can faintly recall smelling the same scent, drifted across the medley of scents that inhabit the base, he smells of fresh snow and ice and trees and grey cloudless skies and  _ cold _ .

I just never realized it was his before.

Levi is talking to me again, and sucking in a breath; I roll my eyes and then focus back on the shorter man. He seemed to sense that I wasn’t listening because he blows out an annoyed huff of air and starts over, “Where did you put the key?

It must have shown that I didn’t understand what he was asking because once more he makes a vexed sound, “When you took it off, where did the key go?” When I only stare at him blankly he gently pushes on my chest to get me to step back several steps. When I do, he looks up at me once more and then says almost softly “Don’t step on me.” There was some unknown test to see if I was still a threat that I must have passed because the next moment  he is crouched down to peer in the charred grass for a glint of metal.

I crouch down next to him, stretching out my hind legs and accidentally knocking my tail into his head with a soft thump. He sends me a grumpy look and gently pushes my face away with his palm and a muttered “Gross.” However before he pushed me away  I get a whiff of something dark and foul, a twisting blackness coiled inside Levi, sickening the sweet frosty scent of winter with some broken and blackened.

Concerned, I stand up, towering over him, and knocking him over in the process, sending him tumbling to the ground where he lands on his back with a grunt.  He peers up at me, his black hair splayed out behind him, with an annoyed expression and a mild “What the fuck, Eren?” Yet unlike Mikasa, there is no fear in his eyes as he looks at me, and I’m grateful for a I reason that I don’t have words for.

From behind us, there is a muffled commotion and “Levi,” is called out, the owner of the voice frantic. Levi flicks his eyes in the direction of the sounds but otherwise makes no move to answer it.

However when I don’t let him up when he shoves on my chest, carefully avoiding the blood crusted wound on my shoulder, something darker appears in his gaze. So softly that only I hear, he says, “I just came from I job, I have several knives within an arm’s length and I have a multitude of different, equally painful ways to kill you, if you don’t let me up right now.”

I don’t let him up.

Instead I sit down, trapping his small body in-between my front legs, my tongue lolling out of my mouth as I look down on him, grinning.

I feel normal in a way that I hadn’t felt since I slipped off the key and took on this form. As if Levi has restored the balance of the worlds once again with only his presence.

My peace is broken when I catch another whiff of the sickness in Levi, it’s dark and worrisome.  And when I whimper, the sound is small.

Levi flicks his gaze upwards to meet mine when I whimper again and there is softness, an understanding that I find when I meet his steely blue gray eyes with my own. He yawns widely, almost as if he didn’t mean too and then looks up at me self consciously, a faint blushing on his cheeks and his raven hair spread out messily on the ground. 

I decide that I like this view.

He looks peaceful in a way that I hadn’t ever seen before, as if someone had softened the sharpness of his being with a brush, smoothing out the tension that lined his body.

However when Levi’s name is called out again, in the same desperate tune, he blows out a sigh and sits up. I don’t fight him this time, simply move so he can scramble ungracefully to his feet, rubbing a hand across his face.

He makes a shooing gesture at me and I back up a couple steps once more, leaving a collage of paw prints on the grassy ground. In between the bright colours of the plant life and the black of the destruction of the soot, there is a gleam of metal.

The key is partly hidden by a tree sapling, bent over and almost curled around the key, as if it was protecting it. When Levi pushes the tender green leaves aside and brings the key up, lifting it out of the dirt by the leather cord. He brushes it off and I feel a deep pang of sorrow and fear shoot through me at the sight of it.

Levi seems to sense it, for he looks mournful when he turns to look at me and so quietly I almost miss it he says, “I’m so sorry, Eren.”

The silence is broken by Hanji, their loud presence cutting through the stillness of the still early morning. Trailing behind them are Erwin and Mikasa. There is a thick quilt draped across Erwin’s bulky arm and I vaguely remember Levi asking Mikasa to bring a blanket.

Hanji and Mikasa both greet the members of Levi’s squad individually, but Erwin only stares at Levi, his face darkened with more anger than I had ever seen on his features before.

I think Erwin was about to say something to Levi, but whatever it was; it was lost in the commotion of Hanji spotting me.

They squeal loudly and Levi flinches, the tension back in his body and his face grumpy as he looks at one of his closest friends. He still hasn’t looked over at Erwin, who is glaring at the black haired man with such intensity; I’m surprised that Levi hasn't felt the heat for Erwin’s gaze.

Hanji, however, is captivated by me. They dart up to me in small but quick sidesteps, peering at me out of the corner of their eye. When they finally look me face on, there is a large grin promising danger drawn on their face. “Oh,” Hanji breathes loudly, “You found a horned griffin, Levi.  _ Leaena Alati _ . Their  _ exceedingly  _ powerful.” Their voice is oozing when they say ‘exceedingly’.

Levi meets Hanji’s excited gaze out of the corner of his eye and there is a brief and silent conversation between the two. Moments later, Hanji steps away from me, understanding written on their features, overshadowed by their disappointment. Yet they stay in place, listening to whatever Levi had silently asked them to do.  

It’s only then does Levi look at Erwin.

There is still fury written in black across Erwin’s face, however he clenches his fist, looks up towards the burnt branches and above, the sky, before meeting Levi’s gaze and when he does, his anger is lessened. He simply states, “You have a lot of explaining to do.” Looking unflinchingly at Levi who only nods in return.

“Yeah,” Levi agrees mildly, “But right now I need the blanket.” He walks over to Erwin who hands him the blanket with apparent reluctance. Erwin finally meets Levi’s gaze and nods once stiffly before turning on his heel.

“Hanji, Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, and Mikasa,” He says, rattling of the names of everyone who is standing around us, “Come with me back to the base. We will meet Levi and Eren there.” He starts walking without looking to see if anyone is following. Gunther jerks his head to the rest of the special op’s squad who nod and follow Erwin, trailing glances black over their shoulders as they depart. Only Mikasa disobeys, digging her heels in the soft grass and holding her ground. There is a stubborn tilt to her jaw and a tint in her eye, and Levi does make her leave.

He is already unfolding the quit as he walks back over to me. It is a large quilt, and the amount of time someone put into it is apparent and awing, hundreds of multicolored and multi patterned squares are encased in a soft green border. I fancy to imagine that a grandmother made it for her child after their first child was born, wanting that child to always be warm and to be reminded that they had a home. So the grandmother cut up old clothes and collected whatever scraps of cloth that could be found and with every space second, they sewed a square into place, looking and daydreaming out of the window that the sputtering sewing machine is placed by.

I like the image of the grandmother, sewing a quilt and putting all their love into it, for their first child, so that child would always be warm.

In the center of the quilt is a rip and a dark stain, tainting the hard work that was put into the quilt.It makes me sad to think of the quilt and all the effort to be put into it, to be ruined as easily as it was.

Levi steps forwards and pulls the key out of his back jean pocket with one hand, before turning back to look at me and meet my gaze. “Ok,” He says quietly, “Ok, so you need to shift back and to do that I need to put the key back on you. Will you…” He hesitates and licks his bottom lip before continuing, “Will you be alright?” He glances over to Mikasa after he asks, as if he was asking her as much as he was asking me. She looks grumpy, but nods slightly and Levi looks relived.

I barely dip my head in acknowledgement to Levi’s question and he nods in return. Moving quickly, he throws the quilt over my back where it hands down over my shoulders and legs, sticking to the blood on my shoulder, but not quite touching the ground. Levi pauses for a second to meet my gaze one last time before he places the key on top of my head, tangled up with one of my ears.

That pain is instantiation and blossoming.

I can feel my bones splintering and reforming to fit the body of a human once more, my spine arching and curling in protest until it feels like it is made up of knives instead of bones, slicing thought my paper thin skin until the spines break through the skin on my back, bright white and bloody in contrast to my tan skin. My skin stretching and shrinking to fit too many and too few bones all at once.

I have never known pain like this before, it is all encompassing, devouring me until there is nothing but soot and sorrow and left over pain.

It is redefining me into a thousand glass shards that only know the definition of hurt. Messily gluing the pieces back together in where they don’t belong into the shape of  person once more. But I’m not sure I’ll want to be who it is when the pain recedes from my empty body like the ocean tide.  

My vision goes blurry as I sink to my knees on the ground, leaving a black smear of soot on my newly human, tan legs.

When I can finally open my eyes without tears springing to the corners and leaving salty tracks down my face, I find a concerned Levi and Mikasa, their expressions nearly identical in their worry.  

The thick quilt is draped around my naked body and I can feel my spine again, safely tucked back inside my body where it belongs. The dark stain in the center is stiff in comparison to the softness of the rest of the blanket.

The wound on my shoulder is still bloody and oozing in a colour other than red, adding more disfiguration to the already scarred quilt.

Mikasa looks frantic and apologetic as the same time as she crouches down next to my huddled body, her grief as palpable as the early morning mist. She has tears in her eyes as she looks at me and when she opens her mouth I already know what she is going to say, even without her speaking the two words.

“All right there?” Levi asks, snapping me out of my daze.

Mikasa was about to speak in harshness but I cut her off before she can shatter the fragile as glass moment, “Yeah,” I say, a slight quiver in my voice, and the once more stronger, “Yeah. Yeah.”  

It’s not a lie, but it’s not a truth either.

“Can you stand?” Levi asks, and I nod, rising on my unsteady feet to wobble and clutch the quilt closer. Mikasa is carrying a bundle of clothes, the same one that I was wearing this morning, and I’m unbearable grateful for her picking them out of the dirt and bringing them home.

I didn’t mean to start crying, the sobs simply blossomed outwards, loud and heavy with grief and pain, springing forth from my body, echoing my sorrow across the forest.

I reach forward blindly, stretching my arms out and wrapping both Levi and Mikasa in my grip before I slump forward, pulling all three of our bodies together in a messy tangle.

Mikasa responds immediately to my hug, she wrapping me in her arms and her warmth.

Levi is stiffer in our embrace, before he finally softens enough to loop a single arm around my torso.

We stay like that for a long while, the sound of the waves breaking far below and the sun rising steadily above the treetops, illuminating the charred tree that surround us like a ring, with tears on my face and Mikasa and Levi in my arms.

When we do finally move, it is slow, and with Levi and Mikasa leading me, their fingers trailing thought mine, they lead me back to my humanity.

***********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS? KUDOS? QUESTIONS? CONCERNS? CRITICISM?  
> (feedback please. I would love to hear your thoughts about random things.)


	11. What was said Inbetween the Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has a lot of secrets but mostly they're secrets for a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mildly scientific approach to the question 'What the Fuck is going on?'
> 
> (Thank you so so so much for all the nice comments that people have left. You all are beautiful lovely people. It means so much to much that you like the story and take the time to comment.)

Erwin had a calculating look in his eyes when Levi pushed open the door; his arms crossed over his large chest and face rigid. I’m still trailing behind Levi mutely, my steps unsteady and wavering. And only Levi’s gentle grasp on my hand, pulling me along, keeps me grounded in this body.

The world feels unfamiliar.

Mikasa had gone in moments ahead of us, leaving our side to find Armin and catch him up on what happened.

The kitchen flickers eerily above our head, the light-bulb dipping and rising in brightness. Erwin, with his back leaning on the table, has a menacing presence that I’ve never associated with him before.

I don’t like it.

He doesn’t say anything for long moments of studying us. But when he does; his voice is as cold and smooth as ice. “Why did you not tell us that you were a Shifter, Eren?”

I don’t know how to answer.

I didn’t know myself until approximately an hour ago and even now, in the aftermath of the wet dewy morning in the forest, littered with sparks and pain, I have no idea what it means.

My world has been shattered into thousand shards of glass memories and pain, littering the ground where I stand. And when I try to move, I cut my self.

 _‘You have to promise to never ever take it off.’_ My mom says from a memory made of glass, lying among the grass and sparks and soft soil, but it’s as if the memory has a shadow cast over it, the voice sounding as if it comes from another room and I can see it distantly dark things about the memory that were never there before.

My mom did this to me.

I can’t _un-know_ it and it’s killing me.

I’m a monster.

I’m saved from my fumbling for something suitable to say by Levi, speaking what I was thinking. “He didn’t know.”

“That brings up an interesting point, Levi. Why did _you_ know he was a Shifter? And why did you not tell us this?” Erwin asks bluntly, each word as sharp as the knives that Levi wields, and yet, underneath the pointed edges, is hurt. Hurt that Levi didn’t tell him and something else, something dark and red and bleeding, and I’m reminded of their infinite and broken fight that I glimpsed in the kitchen last night.

They walked this path before, among the overgrown lies and deceit and secrets.

The stretched out tense silence of Levi’s unspoken answer is broken by Mikasa entering the kitchen with Hanji following closely behind, their footsteps nearly as silent as the kitchen is. Mikasa goes to me; and I’m acutely aware of how I’m still wrapped the stained blanket and my bare feet are still covered with the soft dirt from the forest floor. When Mikasa reaches me, she stands protectively at my shoulder, her presence ominous to all, but comforting me.

She ground me back in the _now_.

Silently, I reach out my trembling hand from the warmth of the blanket to brush fingers with her.

She pulls my hands into hers and I’m incredibly grateful for her familiarly, our interlocked fingers a safe haven from the chaos that is sprawled out messily and bloodily before us. All those who stand before me are strangers.  They’re people who I don’t know anything about anymore, all my past knowledge of these people as worthless as copper pennies.

I’m afraid of them in a way that I’ve never been before.

But my sister stands strong by my side, her presence warming the frostiness of the room in ways that I could not explain.

Hanji approached Erwin and there is a soft conversation between them in muted voices. He must have told them what was said because they too turn expectantly to Levi.

When Levi does start speaking his voice is soft but he won’t meet anyone’s eye, his body tense, coiled as if he could flee any second. “It’s a long, old story.”

“We’ve got nothing but time, Levi” Erwin drawls and there is a hidden order underneath his cold words.

“Ok.” Levi says, sighting, “Let me just make a cup of tea first.”

 *********  
** Erwin, Mikasa and I are already in Erwin’s office when Levi clicks open the heavy door, a steaming mug of tea in his hand and Hanji following close behind.

At the exact moment that Levi demands “Why is she here?” indicating to Mikasa, Erwin poses the same question about Hanji.

“I’m here because Eren is my brother,” Mikasa says primly, her voice firm and precise, leaving no room for any others questions.

Hanji however, glares at Erwin over the top of their bulky glasses, “Mutual secret pact, ‘member?” They say, a hard note in their falsely casual voice, and across the table, a flicker of shame darts across Erwin’s features. “Also,” They say, “As a primary member and leader of the base, this affects me as well and I have a right to be here to listen and help make the decisions that concern the subject.”

Erwin nods and Levi slumps into the plush arm chair that is facing the heavy mahogany desk that Erwin sits behind, towering and ominous. Hanji however joins us on the wooden chairs that we had brought in from the kitchen table, dragging the remaining one over to sit next to Erwin. We had brought an extra by fluke, thinking that Levi would need one, but instead Hanji collapses into it.

I’m no longer only wearing the ratty blanket. While Levi went to make tea I had slipped into a soft well worn pair of jeans and my favorite green flannel shirt is wrapped protectively around my shoulders.

Levi’s fatigue is palpable and there are dark bruise coloured patches underneath his pale eyes. He sets his mug down on Erwin’s desk with a mild clink and that is the only sound in the room. Behind Erwin’s chair is a large window and golden morning sunlight is steaming in, sending ripples of warmth across the room.  With the sunlight and the silence, time seems almost to stop. The pause is finally broken by Erwin harshly saying Levi’s name.

The black haired man sighs almost imperceptibly, “I don’t know where to start. It would be easier if you gave me questions to answer.”

“Start from the beginning,” Erwin says and the look that Levi sends him in response could only be described as _scathing._

However, moments later he does begin. His surprisingly soft low voice rises and falls as it fills the room with his story. “A little over ten years ago, I was in San Francisco with Farlan. It was October I think. Or maybe November. I’m not sure. There had been a frost that year and it was cold. Wickedly cold. We had come to the city following a job that didn’t end up working out which we didn’t get paid for. Leaving us stranded in San Francisco without any money or a place to stay until we could figure out how to get back home.”

“During that time, Carla tracked us down and commissioned us to find a very rare object. How she found us or who we were and what we did is beyond me. However, she wanted us to find a _Custos Corporis_ specifically for a fire demon.”

He was cut off by Hanji’s soft gasp and Erwin’s question, “I’m sorry, a what?”

Levi looked slightly uncomfortable with Erwin question. “It’s an ancient type of magic that was created specifically for Shifters, to be able to control them and their shifting. It fucks with a Shifters natural balance of both bodies by trapping them in the human body and leaving them unable to shift unless the object containing the magic is taken off or the magic wears off.”

“I thought that they were outlawed shortly after they were discovered because it’s very dangerous for the Shifter?” Hanji’s asks slowly, the question hanging uncertainly in the still air.

“You knew this was dangerous and you still gave it to Eren?” Mikasa hissed at Levi without giving him a chance to answer.

“We didn’t know it was dangerous at the time,” He protested helplessly, “And by the time that I did know, many years later, I had already given an unbreakable vow to Carla that I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Levi is technically right,” Hanji said, “It was only two or so years ago that new discoveries and research was made about _Custos Corporis,_ revealing their harmful effects on the shifter.

I lifted the key in my hand when they said that, pinching the ornate metal ribbing of the bow between my fingers and lifted it up to eye level with the light steamed thought the openings in the designs. In the early morning sunshine, the key shines gold and shimmery, casting a trembling shadow on my hand and face.

It was a beautiful thing for something so dangerous.

Erwin held up his hands in protest, stopping Mikasa and Levi from hissing at each other. “Can we go over this again?” He asked irritably, “Are all _Custos Corporis_ keys?”

“Oh,” Levi said, “Not at all. _Custos Corporis_ literally translates to ‘keeper of the body’. The creator of Eren’s key just had a sense of humor. It’s not an object but rather a type of magic that is focused into an object. But because it is a type of magic, it has different…” He trailed off searching for the right word. “It has subtypes, I guess, within the main broad branch of the _Custos Corporis_ magics. And since there are many different types and classifications of demons, there are correlating types of _Custos Corporis._ Due to this there are certain types of _Custos Corporis_ that only work on certain types of shifters. The classification of the shifter’s demon form has to match or be close enough to the same type of magic inside the _Custos Corporis_ for it to be effective. For example, one could not give a _Custos Corporis_ meant for a water demon to a fire demon. However, one could give it to an ice demon and it would still work fine.”

We were all staring at Levi when he finished speaking.

“I’ve been trying to uncover the stories behind _Custos Corporis_ for years,” Hanji said, almost longingly, “I’ve read _everything_ I could find on them and yet all the information that you just said was completely new.”

“And I thought you said you didn’t know anything about them?”  Mikasa snapped cruelly.

“That does bring up an interesting question.” Erwin says hesitantly, steepling his hands together on the desk and leaning forward to study Levi intently. “ _Custos Corporis_ were banded nearly a _decade_ ago. How do you know this and furthermore how did you know where a _Custos Corporis_ was when Carla asked? Specifically one pertaining to fire demon shifters?”

Levi shifted uncomfortably in the plush armchair, not meeting any of the gazes directed at him. He pushed his teacup a micrometer across the desk and then picked it up, grasping the mug in the oddest way I had ever seen someone drink tea. After taking a slow swallow he set the cup down and said bluntly, “Uhh… A couple years before Farlan and I went to San Francisco and Carla commissioned us the find the key, I had to help someone find the same key. Because of that I knew, coincidently, where it was when Carla asked.” He didn’t say anything about Erwin’s first question.

“So how did I receive the key?” I ask nonchalantly, my tone filled with a lightness I didn’t have and speaking for the first time since sitting down in the office.

“Long story short, Farlan and I successful pulled of the heist of stealing the key and sold it to Carla. I don’t know what she did with it from there,” Levi paused and gestured vaguely to me, “But I can guess.”

“Why long story short?” I ask, “What else happened? And am I the only one who doesn’t know what you’re talking about when you say ‘job’”

“Oh,” Levi said again, “Farlan-”

“Farlan? Stop acting like we know who you’re talking about.” Mikasa questions sharply. I glance quickly at my sister and then back at Levi, my own curiosity about Farlan rising to the surface.

“My lover” Levi says evenly, his voice flatter than an Ohio highway, but underneath his cool answers are the barest traces of long buried and still aching grief, showing only in the cracks of his charade of indifference.

I can feel myself blush and besides me, Mikasa is as well, although she is trying valiantly to ignore it.

I feel embarrassed for Mikasa asking and at myself, for wanting to know. There was something intimate and deeply personal about that knowledge, and I wished I had learned of it in a better situation or a time when Levi willingly told me.

“Anyway.” Erwin says, breaking the awkward moment, “Please continue,” motioning for Levi to finish talking.

“It was just that Farlan and I lived in a pretty shitty living situation and we were…” He trailed off once again, seeking for the right word, “…desperate for money. So people would pay us to do odd jobs. Mostly finding and stealing illegal magical items that they couldn’t find anywhere else.”

It’s a short definition and everyone in the room knows that there are layers and layers of more answers and stories and definitions than what he said but none of us want push him into going into more detail.

I think we were all afraid of what more details would mean.

“So you were a thief?” Mikasa sneers, maliciousness and spite dripping from her voice.

“Drop it ‘Mika.” I say surprising everyone, including myself, for standing up for Levi.

The silence afterwards hangs like the thick misty fog that often comes in the mornings, wallowing around the base in damp tendrils and muffling the world in whiteness.   

“How does the _Custos Corporis_ affect the shifter?” Hanji asks after a moment, their curiosity a sharp glint in their eyes.

Levi absently mindedly scratches the back of his head, brushing the short undercut with his pale hand, “I don’t actually know that much. All that I know is the magic overpowers the shifter’s regular balance of both bodies. It stops the Shifter from feeling both the desire to shift, but also the need to shift to keep both bodies in harmony since for Shifters to be healthy they have to spend fairly equal amounts in both bodies. Because of this, when the _Custos Corporis_ is removed from the presence to the shifter, especially after it has been worn for long periods of time, a shift will happen without either thought or consent. The Shifter no longer has control of either their bodies or Shifting. And since they were generally worn for large stenches of time, when the shift happens after a _Custos Corporis_ was removed, it is often brutally painful and the human aspect and mind is gone.”

Everyone in the room makes a valiant effect to _not_ look at me at Levi says that.

“Also, after a while the body develops immunity to the magic and the _Custos Corporis_ becomes much less effective and if it is worn long enough, it is possible for it to not work at all anymore.”

“And how long do you think that would take?” Erwin asks slowly.

“What?”

“How long do you think that it would take to develop immunity to the _Custos Corporis?_ ” Hanji says, clarifying Erwin’s vague question.

“I think Carla said something about it taking anywhere from eight to twelve years.”

The room is terribly quiet as that sinks in.

“So basically now?” Mikasa spits at Levi.

“How long have you had this _Custos Corporis?_ ” Erwin asks me, stumbling mildly over the pronunciation of _Custos Corporis,_ putting too many ‘ohs’ and soft vowels for it to be the same word that Levi spoke _._

“A little over ten years, Sir. I got it on my tenth Christmas.”

“And you are twenty now, correct?”

I nod slowly.

“And what happens when the magic loses its power?” Mikasa says slowly, asking what we were all wondering.

“Your body has to relearn how a shifter be again,” Levi says.

How do you relearn something you never learned the first time around?

“Ok,” I say, holding my hands up almost defensively and changing the subject, “Ok. What happened on the first solo mission?”

“What?” Levi says at the same time that Erwin does.

“Mine. I mean. What happened on _my_ first solo?”

“Why does this matter now?” Erwin asks. I don’t think he meant to ask so bluntly, the question sort of slipped out because he tries to correct his mistake to be more polite. “I mean, how is that relevant to _this_ discussion?”

I don’t respond to Erwin, instead I stare at Levi who won’t meet me gaze, curling his hands protectively around his teacup, holding it as if it was a newborn bird. Erwin trails off when he sees Levi, who hasn’t spoken yet holds himself like he carries all the answers and pain of the world.

“Levi…” I prompt.

He clears his throat, “I think, I’m not sure, but I think that you shifted then too.”

The packed room is silent as a fresh snowfall, each one of us taking in what that means. Finally Erwin demands, “Levi what is happening? Why didn’t you tell us about this?”

Levi holds his hands up defensively, mirroring what I did moments ago. “I tried.” He protested. “I swore and unbreakable bond to Carla that I wouldn’t tell anyone. I kept dropping hints however.” His pale features are painted with a cloud of guilt.

Erwin pinches his brow, leaning his face in his palm on the table. “Levi.” He says, his voice muffled by his hand. “I get that. _What_ is Eren talking about thought?”

“Oh. Ah. Remember a couple mounts ago at the end of May when I was on that big job by Portland and then there was that massive anomaly energy surge?”

When Erwin nods slowly, he continues, “I followed the trail which took me to a place a little outside of the city and about an hour from where I was, where I found a badly burned building, almost nothing but the charred stones and ashes left over. My first thought was it was just a rouge demon attack but when I followed the trail of left over energy I found Eren tried up in a barn with not nearly enough injuries to have survived both a demon attack and a burning building.  It was only when you said you were Carla’s kid did I think that you might of shifted.” He turns as he says this, talking directly to me now instead of explaining to Erwin.

“Wait?” Erwin says exasperation clear in his voice. “Did everybody but me know about this?” He turns to Mikasa, “Did you know about this?”

She nods. “Armin and I came to pick Eren up after the job.”

“Did you know?”  Erwin said levelly, turning to face Hanji who only shrugs and shakes their head.

“So you met Levi before coming here?” Erwin says.

I nod and Erwin looks frustrated, running his fingers though his golden hair forcefully.

“What did you mean when you said ‘I found Eren tried up in a barn’? Could you not skimp out of all these important details? Who tied Eren up?”

“Wait!” Mikasa snapped, I don’t think she heard Levi say it the first time and I had never told her, all those mouths ago, just exactly how I had met Levi. “What is he talking about?”

“I don’t know.” Levi says, irritation clear in tone. “Why would I know that?”

It’s a lie. I can distantly remember him asking the man who tied me up ‘where is he?’ But I don’t push him on his lie, I forced him to reveal many things today and while most of them where better off being spoken aloud, this one doesn’t seem as important.

“But…” I say slowly to Levi, changing the subject, “I think I was still wearing the key.”

Levi’s nod is stiff and jerky and utterly forced, “I think that was the first time that the magic waned a bit and your body forced you to shift, even thought you were still wearing the key. Something may have happened that startled you and you unfortunately had fire in your hand at the time, which you lost control of when you shifted.”

I glare at the black haired man, pushing my jaw forward in aggravation. “I don’t remember shifting thought.” The memory of shifting only hours before in the dewy forest is still clear in my mind and I don’t think I’m going to lose that sensation anytime soon.

“One of the main purposes of the _Custos Corporis_ is to hide the secret of being a shifter. It altered you memory.”

I purse my lips thoughtfully. “Will this happened to the… Will I lose my memory of shifting this morning?”

“No. At least I don’t think so. This morning you took to key off which prompted the involuntary shift from the lack of shifting. When you shifted in Oregon, you were still wearing the key.”

“Ok,” I blurt out, “what happened to the old bloke?”

At my question, Levi looks uncomfortable, shifting slightly in the chair and breaking our eye contact.

I can feel the dark seed of dread settle into the pit of my stomach as the silence stenches out. All the past mouths I had held onto the small hope that maybe the old man hadn’t died after all and maybe his death wasn’t my fault. But when Levi doesn’t speak, that small hope is snuffed out as easily as a candle flame.

“So he died then?” My voice is small when I ask, “It was my fault that he died?”

“What?” Mikasa and Erwin demand at the same time. To me, Mikasa says, “You never said anything about an old man. Who died? What? Why wasn’t I told this? Why wasn’t I told any off this?”

Erwin whirls on Levi, “I don’t give a damn about the oath of silence that you swore. Death of citizens is an offense and there is necessary paperwork and a hearing that go with it.”

“Actually,” Levi says unhurriedly.” The man didn’t die.”

“What?” I ask, confused at the same time that Erwin hisses at Levi not to lie.

“Do you have so little faith in me?” Levi falters at Erwin, mild hurt lacing his tone. “He didn’t die at all. But he saw you shift and I had to make sure that you didn’t talk to him or have any contact with him so he didn’t tell you.”

“You let me think he was dead!” I shriek, “You let me think I fucking killed someone, Levi. For months! _You let me think I killed someone for months_!”

“I’m really fucking sorry, Ok. But I swore an unbreakable oath of silence to Carla that I would protect _your_ secret. I couldn’t have that jeopardized by someone else.”

Its only when my jaw pops loudly do I realize that I’ve been clenching my teeth in anger.

“Look.” Levi says softer, “I’m really sorry that I lied. Too all of you. But I never expected to meet you or have any scenario where I would actually be affected by the key and the oath. I didn’t know what would happen when I took the oath.”

“That’s a shit apology.” Mikasa says starkly.  

“What else do you want me to say?” He asks, and if before his voice filled the room in its harshness, now it is small.

“Say sorry and mean it.”

“I do mean it!” Levi retorted, a myriad of emotions playing across his face and then a softer. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Who was that directed at?” Hanji asks.

“All of you.” He says quietly and his voice sounds as fragile as glass. He hangs his head and the black fringe of hair hides his eyes

“God damn it Levi!” Erwin snaps, slamming his palm down on the dark wooded desk. “Everytime I start to think I can trust you, you prove otherwise.” His voice is a pointed as glass and the words he saying.

Even from across the room I can see Levi flinch.

“Erwin!” Hanji chastised.

Erwin gets up nosily, storming out of the room and slamming the thick door solidly behind him.

“Ok” I say. “Ok.” Then surprising even myself, I stand up. The chair clattering to the floor with the force that I had stood up, and I too leave the room with Mikasa following me out.

***********

I make sure that the redness and puffiness of my eyes from crying are hidden before I come back inside the base.

Jean is in the kitchen when I enter. His hair is mussed and sticking up on one side. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of pajama pants that ride low on his hips and in his hand he holds a mug of steaming coffee.

For the first time, the smell makes me feel nauseous.

“Bro.” Jean says as a greeting, adding an obscene amount of sugar to his coffee, shoveling scoop after scoop into the hot drink.

“Don’t fucking call me ‘bro’,” I bite, “And don’t you think you’ve added enough sugar to your coffee.”

He stops, dumping to the last of the spoonful and looks up quickly. “The fuck is your problem? What is everyone’s problem today? Levi’s fan club is here and they’re never here and they’re all jumpier than springs. Erwin is fuming and both Mikasa and Levi are ferocious. It’s terrifying. They’re having a silent screaming match with slamming things down and glaring at each other.”

“You know what, I’m done, and I’m not dealing with your bullshit today.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Jean hisses, narrowing his eyes at me. “Who pissed in your cheerios?”

I don’t bother answering, leaving the room, slamming the cupboard behind me.

In the living room I find Mikasa and Levi. Their faces inches apart and both of their pale complexions flushed with fury.

“This is your fault,” Mikasa spits at Levi.

“Excuse me?” Levi hisses, his eyes slitted like a feral cat.

“This is your fault,” Mikasa only repeats.

“Which part?” he demands, “The part where _I_ asked Carla to commission us to find the fucking key? Because I can assure you that didn’t happen. That was purely her idea.”

“Don’t try to shift the blame” She cursed.

“I’m not-”

“Shut up!” I yell, cutting Levi off and shutting them both up. “Just shut up, ok? Just fucking shut up.”

Both of them shift guiltily, edging away from each other.

“I’m not the one who did anything wrong.” Mikasa says, facing me but the comment is directed at Levi.

He sneers like a lion sneers right before a kill.

“Shut up!” I say again. “Figure out your own shit later. I can’t deal with this now.”

“Eren.” My sister says, starting forward with her arm outreaches.

“Stop.”

She swallows nosily, the sound loud in the stuffy room.  

She’s saved from answering by the loud pounding on the front. I’m instantly reminded of when the man knocked on the door in the black hours of the night the night before last. Without meaning to I exchange and glance at Levi who looks as worried as I feel. His silent composure is gone, shattered by the exchange in the office and it’s as if the floodgates on his emotions broke, finally spilling forth to colour and feelings to his face.

When the person outside knocks again, the sound booming in the base, Erwin strides into the room. He does look at Levi and shame flits across Levi’s features once more. He goes to the front door, trailed by both Hanji and Levi and when he opens it, his soft gasp and the voice of the people outside can be heard even from inside the base.

“We’re looking for Eren Jeager.”

 ***********  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think, Feedback and Kudos and Comments are the best thing ever. Thank you so much for all the lovely comments that people have left, they are wonderful and beautiful.
> 
> See you next Update! :)


	12. The Silence between what was Said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys and Gals, and Non-binary pals, remember me?  
> I sorry that this chapter has taken so long.  
> I am, and will be, exceptionally busy this year and unfortunately, I will not be able to update as much as I could last year. However, that being said, I still very much want to keep writing this story. Updates will be a lot slower, but I am aiming for a chapter every other month. And while that might not sound like very much, the chapters are hopefully rather long, and it is the best I can do. Thank you for your patience and support. I hope you enjoy the chapter and continue to like Carry Me Home in the future!

Two women stand ominously in the doorway as I peer behind Levi’s shoulder to view who had asked for me. The first is a woman with startlingly red hair and freckles covering every inch of available fair skin. Her companion is as opposite as could be from the redheaded woman, she's a woman with darker skin and tight curls pulled back into a ponytail that bounces jollily when she moves. They are as different as day and night, and the only thing they have in common are the sharp tan jackets that they both wear over tight white shirts and jeans. On the lapels of the jacket and upper sleeve is an emblem of a green unicorn head.

Even I recognize the emblem of the Military Police, half hidden by a fold of fabric on the sleeve.  

In the parking lot is an unfamiliar car, the aura of wealth practically oozing from everything about the it,from its crisp, sleek design, to the leather seats in the interior and the gleaming silver colour that shines in the noon sunlight. All of the other cars next to it take on a shabby light that they didn’t have before. It feel like the wrong image for the warm sunlight.  

Levi, Hanji and Erwin exchange a glance and almost imperceptibly something dark flicker across Hanji’s face. I would of thought that I imaged the glimmer of fear that passed between them is Erwin hadn’t narrowed his eyes. At the same time, Levi stands up straighter and Hanji throws their shoulders back, widening their stance until they take on an almost a menacing undercurrent.

“We just wanted to ask him a couple questions.” The shorter, red-haired woman says lightly, her tone sweet. She stands with her arm on her hip, and she looks exactly like a middle school girl.

Erwin clears his throat loudly and nods in a faint way that didn’t match how noisily he cleared this throat several second earlier. “Come in then.”

Even from where I stand, I can hear him swallow.

Erwin turns and with Hanji and Levi at his sides, escorts the two women to the kitchen.

As we walk, I catch a fleeting glance out of the corner of my eye of Levi slipping a small electric pink glass bottle from the countertop into his pocket of his jacket. At the same time, Erwin stashes a bag of loose black tea back into the tea drawer along with a couple stray papers with it, snatching them from the table to hide them face-down in the bottom drawer. And Hanji accidentally bumps, with purposely clumsy steps, into the whiteboard, obscuring the runes written in blue and green markers on the surface into pale illegible smudges.

On the surface, it looked as if they were merely tidying up quickly, polishing the already spotlessly clean kitchen till it glimmered, but there’s something else to it.

They have something to hide.

The realization comes suddenly and I know with absolute clarity of a thousand stars in a moonless black night that I’m right.

They have a secret.

The irony of this is in Erwin’s fury about Levi’s own personal secrets, not even half an hour before the Military police came to the door.

Its funny in an absolutely not funny sort of way.

The realization is not a comforting one, but I don’t have time to dwell any longer on it because one of the women is asking for me again.

She has a high pitched, whiny voice and underneath her arm is tucked a tablet that I didn’t notice before, the silver back also branded with the green unicorn’s head of arrogance and cheated wealth.    

“Eren Jaeger?” She pronounces, bringing out the tablet and tapping lightly on the dark screen with her long pink nails to wake it up. I don’t like how she speaks my name, flattening it out until it was nothing but gracelessness and it felt as empty as the packed kitchen full of silent people.

“Here” I say thickly, my voice wavering slightly in the silent room.

The woman looks at me over the top of the tablet, her red hair long enough to brush the tabletop. “Tier 5?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you Tier 5?” She clarified impertinently.

As I nod, Levi moves to stand next to me, crossing his arms across his chest and gaining a mildly threatening air around him. Behind us, Hanji leans on the countertop and Erwin stands lightly off to the side.

There’s something protective about their stances and although the thought of secrets was not, this is a comforting one.

“Is your Hunter ID as follows: 002919?” she asks.

I have no idea if it is or not, I’ve never heard of Hunter IDs in general and never mine, but Levi kicks me agreeingly in the back of the shin, so sputtering I confirm that it is.

The woman nods, looking sickly pleased. She pulls out a chair at the table and pats the opposing spot, her long nails clicking on the wood, indicating for me to sit. Next to her the taller woman pulls out a chair silently.

I still don’t know what they want from me.

When I hesitantly stand facing the table, the darker woman speaks quietly, “Relax. We’re not here to hurt you. We just need to ask a couple questions.” She has a softer voice and the honest note in her tone is what convinces me to sit facing them at the round table.

So quietly I almost think I imagined it, I hear Levi scoff.

“Where were you, at 7:56am this morning?” She asks, her voice steady and lulling in its gentleness.

“Err... I was here then I think.”

“Here, as in the base itself? Or the nearby area? And if the base itself, would you mind telling us where precisely you were, the same for if you were in the nearly area.”

“The nearby area, I meant. The forest bordering the base, about a mile in, overlooking the ocean.”

“In which direction?”

When I look up hopelessly, Hanji answers for me, “To the west.”

“Ahh,” the redheaded woman says sweetly and with the confidence of someone who already knows the answer, “And what were you doing there exactly?”

I don’t like this integration, there are no right answers for their probing questions. They will know if I lie, but I am also not registered as a Shifter with the Military police. If I tell them the truth they will think I lied when I marked ‘no’ on the form question asked if I was a Shifter nearly five years ago, even if I didn’t know at the time.

“Err… I was… Shifting. I found out that I am a Shifter this morning by accident.”

The woman makes a humming noise and marks something down on the tablet screen, typing for what seems like an infinite amount of time with clicking of her nails marking the seconds.

“Was this your first time Shifting?”

“Yes.” I say, resisting the urge to point out that if it wasn’t, I would not have said that I found out I was a Shifter only this morning. But just as the words leaves my mouth, I remember Levi telling me that I might have shifted on my first solo job. But even if that was the case, I don’t rectify my answer.

“Ever?” the second woman inquires, while the redheaded woman marks more things down on the tablet, tapping her nails noisily against the screen.

“Yes.” It’s not the truth but I don’t know if it’s a lie either. And when I glance at Levi, he looks relieved.

“And are you in possession of an illegal _Custos Corporis_?” The freckled woman says slowly, drawing out the words and putting emphasis on ‘illegal.’

“Yes,” I say slowly, uncertain of what to say, “But I was not aware of it myself until this morning.”

“And how did this come into your possession?”

“I…Don’t really know.” I lie, the words filled with salt and shame against the roof of my mouth, “I think received it as a gift when I was younger but I don’t remember from whom.”

The woman makes an agreeable noise and starts to type on the tablet screen, occasion glancing up at me as I fidget in the chair. Normally the kitchen is a cheering place with everyone eating and laughing and arguing like people but right now, with the two women who ooze money and a lack of sympathy as thick as syrup, the rooms feels stuffy and tense.

“Don’t worry,” The second woman says, “You’re almost done.”

I nod, relief showing on my face.

“Was anyone who is currently posted at this base aware that Mr. Jaeger was a Shifter?” The short woman says, pursing her lips into a tight bright red diamond of maliciousness.

There is a pause, not long enough for them to be suspicions of deception but still long enough to make both women exchange a look and then glance upwards .

“No,” Levi says firmly. “Not that we are aware of.”

The lie surprised me. I half expect Erwin to correct Levi but he doesn’t, only meeting Levi’s gaze and nodding slightly.

“Were you aware of the massive amounts of energy released when you first shifted?” The first woman asks, once more directing the questions at me. The way that ‘Shifting’ falls from her mouth makes it sound like something vile.

“No, I was not.” I say, forcing myself to keep my voice even.

“Are you still in possession of the _Custos Corporis_?”

I nod.

“Do you have any control of the demon you become when you Shift?”

I barely have time to form the word ‘No.’ before they move on to the next question.

“Will you have any way of learning to control the demon?”

I shake my head.

“Do you have any training at this moment about Shifting?”

Once more I shake my head.

“Do you have anything planned for the future, in terms of learning to control the Shifting?”

I can only shake my head for the third time.

“Was anyone hurt this morning?”

I pause for too long and they guess my answer, _‘yes.’_

“Was this injury inflicted of your doing?”

I don’t even have to nod. They take my silence as the correct answer, ‘ _yes_.’

“What demon type did your Shift result in?”The woman says carelessly, the red curls in her hair bouncing as she talks.

I don’t answer. I don’t know how to.

Instead I fold my hands in my lap, twisting my fingers into a knot of anxiety and glance up to Levi and Erwin.

However, its Hanji who answers, their steady and familiar voice a reassurance, but underneath that, there’s something smug and hunting in their voice, dancing on the razor sharp and paper thin edge of cruelty. “Eren Shifts into a horned griffin. _Leaena Alati.”_

“Excuse me?” The freckled woman demands frantically, jumping up quickly and causing the chair fall to the hard floor with a sharp clatter, panic drawn in black lines on her features. “A _Leaena Alati_ ? Is that a joke? _Do you think that is funny?_ ”

“No. That is Eren’s Shifted form.” Erwin confirms what Hanji said, and like Hanji, snide paves a silver smooth path in his voice..

“I’m sorry,” the woman say without a trace of remorse in her voice, instead it is heavy with scorn, “You’re telling me, that Mr. Jaeger shifts into one of the _most legendary and powerful, along with deadly, demons that exists_?”

I start sharply when she says that. I had no idea that _Leaena Alati_ were _that_ powerful. The only knowledge I have of them is a grainy textbook photo with the fine print caption informing us that they are exceedingly dangerous and most commonly higher level Tiers and short paragraph about an incident that happened nearly fifty years ago that resulted in both the death of the demon and the Hunter that provoked the fight.

“Yes.” Levi says sharply and unlike Hanji and Erwin, his mockery is as bright and obvious as the sun.

“Is this your idea of a joke?” The black woman hisses, repeating what her partner had said moments ago and glaring at Levi with both hands flat on the table and enough hatred to poison.

I wondered why both of them glared at Levi with such passion and why he almost smirked when they did.

“No.” He says with contemptuousness.

“I’m sorry then, but Eren you’re going to have to come with us.” the woman says shrilly, frantically tucking her tightly curled hair behind her ear and snatching the tablet and folder of papers of the table. In her rush, she flings up the folder by accident and papers upon paper flutter up like sad broken birds.

“What?” I demand, also rising for my chair to stand.

“You’re a danger to the people you're around.” She says plaintively, her voice high pitched and trembling, as if explaining to a small child.She is still on her hands and knees picking up her papers. No one is moving even slightly to help her, and while it feels cruel, it also feel right in some sick twisted way. Even her own partner stands on the sidelines, hesitating, and jerkily moving forward, yet still she does not help. “You have no prior training and no training lined up to become less of a danger. It’s the best thing for everyone at this moment-”

“I can vouch for Eren.” Levi says quietly, the sharpness of his tone effectively cutting off the woman from finishing her ramble.

“Your word means nothing to us,” The shorter woman hisses fiercely at the small black haired man, finally standing up and brushing off her knees. On her other wise perfectly white jeans, there are now two dusty brown stains.  

“But, my word means something to these people whose word does mean something to you.” He spreads his arms wide, indicating to both Erwin and Hanji, and then me.

“I too will vouch for Levi and Eren.” Erwin says calmly, “Levi can train Eren how to be less dangerous.”

It’s only because I’m watching Levi’s face that I catch the glimpse of terror flit across his almost delicate features.

It breaks my heart.

I don’t want to be someone or _something_ that people fear.

However when the woman snaps, “Is this true?” Levi nods his agreement.

“Who better?” Erwin asks, spreading his arms wide to gesture to everyone who is in the room, “than our strongest Hunter? If you think Eren is dangerous now, Levi can tame that, make that power into a weapon, something you can wield as easily as a gun.”

I can’t stop the flinch and shivers that come with Erwin’s frigidly cruel words.

“Imagine it,” Erwin instructs, his voice dropping lower and lower until it was barely above a whisper and drawing everyone in closer to be able to hear him, “Having the raw power if a _Leaena Alati_ as an asset. Image what you could do.”

Even Levi looks taken aback by Erwin’s brisk, heartless, proposition.

I’m not a weapon.

But I don’t say anything, I only stare down at my socks and will myself not to cry.

The red-haired woman starts to argue, rising her voice to an almost shriek, but she is cut off by her companion throwing out her arm to cut her off. “We will have to talk to our superiors about your proposition before we can answer. We will be back later this evening.”

They leave shortly after, showing themselves to the door and then their car purring away from the parking lot silently.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin says as soon as they are gone, grief lining his face. “I didn’t mean to talk about you as if you weren’t a person.”

‘ _I didn’t mean to talk about you as if you were a monster_ ’ he doesn’t say.

Tears are rising up in my throat making it impossible to speak, but at the same time, fresh hot biting anger is coloring my world with a red paintbrush.

I am not a monster, or a weapon, or an asset.

I am only me.

“So you’ll do it?” Erwin glances at Levi as he speaks.

There’s a pleading note in Levi’s voice when he looks up to answer, “Erwin, I can’t, you know this. I have my own things that I need to accomplish in a short time window.” He won’t look at me, shifting his gaze back to the floor.

“There’s no one else who can, Levi. You know that. No one else has the knowledge about Shifters or _Custos Corporis_ like you do.”

Levi looks miserable when I walk out of the kitchen, no longer able to bare what they aren’t saying. Tears are falling down my cheeks in hot streaks and I’m filled with anger. I’m angry at Erwin for saying what he did, I’m angry at Levi for being a coward when he might be the only chance I have to not be viewed as a monster and most of all, I’m angry at myself.

I don’t want to be something that people are afraid of. I didn’t want to see Mikasa’s tremor of fear as she gazed upon me when I had Shifted back or Levi’s flicker of terror at Erwin’s request. I never wanted to see Erwin’s caution or Hanji’s morbid curiosity mingling with apprehension again.

But  more than anything, I didn’t want to be something that people saw as a monster.

I didn’t want to be a monster.

I wished with all my heart that I had never taken the damn key. Or that I wasn’t a Shifter at all.

But I did and I am and no matter how hard I wish, I can’t change the past.

*******  
The two officers returned later that day. The midday sun was high in the sky when their sleek car buzzed quietly into the secluded parking lot, hidden by folds of trees and the vast vast sky.

Their presence was somber, and if before the the red haired woman had done most of the talking, she was silent and the darker woman spoke.

We met them in the kitchen again, Erwin, Levi and I. Everyone else was barred from entering by a sickly yellow pulsating rune in the doorway. On the other side, a worried Mikasa paced in time with the clock ticking.

The cramped room was silent for a long time, the stuffiness of things unsaid perpetrating the air like fog. Erwin sat at the head of the table and both Levi and I had taken up residence on either side of him.

Finally the dark haired woman spoke, her words slow and gravely, “We will accept your offer on several _non negotiable_ conditions.”

Levi’s swallow is the only sound in the room.

However, when Erwin nods, she continues, “First, you will have ten months to prove that the _Leaena Alati_  is not dangerous and can be controlled. During the entirety of this time, Levi Ackerman with be training him.”

They don’t even have the decency to refer to me by my name.

A dark shadow passes over Levi’s face and when he opens his mouth to speak, his face is feral and angry.

“Second,” The woman continues, oblivious to the scalding she narrowly missed, “ Levi Ackerman, Tier 11, will be the only one to train the _Leaena Alati_ . The training itself will take place at least a minimum of a fifty mile radius away from the nearest town. We have selected the location. Once a month, at the beginning, a  official military police official  will come check on the progress. No others are allowed to visit the area. Thirdly, If there are _any_ signs of malicious intends, the training will be shut down. If this happens, The _Leaena Alati_  will come with us and the suitable punishment with be selected for the trainer. _Leaena Alati_  are dangerous by nature and if there are any signs of treason, all things things will be stop immediately. This goes for you as well, Levi Ackerman, you are the highest ranking Hunter and the most suitable for the task, however we have not forgotten your criminal record and we have no qualms about taking you in again if we hear of see suspicious behavior. At the end of the ten mouths, we will check to make sure we have accomplished our needs.”

The shadow was growing darker and darker on Levi’s pale features, and there is scorn heavy in his gaze.    

“Is that understood?”

Once more Erwin nods and Levi glance over at me, meeting my gaze quickly and then moving back.

However when Erwin is the only one why nods, the woman asks again, “Is that understood?”

“Yes.” Levi says, his voice dripping with frost and disdain.

When I nod lastly and as well, the woman pulls out a thick sheaf of paper and slaps it down on the table. “If you understand and agree, then please sign here. The ten months will begin two weeks from today and end on August 25th of next year.

The paper is warm beneath my hand when the woman slides it over to me with a fancy black pen. The font is an elaborate script, flowing  from one compromising, binding point to the next.

But still, I  sign my name in a messy scrawl at the bottom on the long page, the letters barely decipherable.

I feel like I’m signing away parts of my soul and part of what it means to be Eren. I feel like I’m handing them to key to place their shackles on me.

When I push the sheet back to the woman she inspects it with a mild frown and then gives the page to Levi. His signature is different from mine, a small tight spiky font with an elaborate loopy ‘l’. He doesn’t bother pushing it back to the two women, he simply gives it to Erwin, who signs on the smaller line beneath the line meant for Levi and I.  

When Erwin is finished, red-haired woman snaps a picture with the tablet, frowning with satisfaction at the contract.

“One last thing,” The darker woman says as they pack up to leave and something rotten in her voice suggests that she left this for the last topic on purpose. “Since we are already in the area, Assessments will be moved up to Friday of this week. We will start the customary check-ins and pre-assessments on Wednesday. It would be wise to call in all out-of-office Hunters immediately and if some cannot make it back in time, we need to know as soon as possible.”

“What?” Demands Levi, his stormy grey eyes larger than I had ever seen them, “Assessments are scheduled for several weeks out. You can’t just move them up without notice.”

“Unfortunately we have too,” The redheaded lady says, not sounding as if she found it particularly unfortunate in the slightest. We will come around tomorrow to gather the list of who will be participating.”

They leave then, ignoring Levi’s panicked looks and Erwin’s apprehension, packing up the tablet and the thick sheet of paper that controls my future and my freedom. The dense front door slams heavily as they leave and we can hear the spark of the engine as they zoom from the parking lot, and disappearing into the misty tree that surround the base.

******  
Levi is in the kitchen when I come back in, hours later, when the sun starting to sink down behind the horizon and illuminating the tall tree of the forest in blues and golds and black.

My eyes are still puffy and it’s the second time in several hours that I’ve been crying.

Levi is elbow deep in soft pale bread dough  when I hover in the doorway, unsure about entering. On the stove next to him is a large pot of gentling burbling soup, its delicious aroma wafting out of the open lid. Next to him on the counter, is a plastic tub of flour and several smaller jars of spices.

He glances up a me as I enter, his steely gaze lingering on my red eyes for a moment, but he doesn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry’ I mumble, my words tripping over each other in their hurry to be spoken, I don’t really know what I’m saying, the words are just falling out like raindrops or tears before I can stop them. “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to have to give up something for me. I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to. I don’t-”

“Eren,” He says gently, and the very sound of it brings fresh tears to my eyes. “It's not about you, you don’t have to apologize for anything. It more of just that I have a short window of time to complete a couple of things that are really important to me and losing that suddenly was a bit of a shock. I don’t _not_ want to help you and train you, it's just about the timing and Erwin volunteering me without asking my thoughts on it. We can figure out a compromise that works for both of us around this stuff.”

I bobble my head a couple times in consent to what he just said, still subtly wiping away the warm tears that keep falling.

“What are you making?” I ask instead of acknowledging what he had said. I didn’t want to raise my disbelief, not now and not here.

The look Levi sends me tells me that he knows about my tactics, but like my puffy eyes, he doesn't say anything about it, “Soup. And Bread. It’s sort of a habit I got into when I was really stressed and needed a release. There was this one… restaurant, I guess might describe it, and the lady who ran it would employ me to make soup in exchange.”

I bobble my head again in a poor attempt at a nod. It’s an incomplete sentence, but I don’t ask for the second half.

Half of this conversion is unspoken. And another quarter of the spoken half are long pauses.

Levi looks at me out of the corner of his eye, still kneading the dough in an efficient pattern of practice, “Sit.” He says. It's not a request.

I fall into a chair, making sure it's not the same chair that I sat in earlier this morning or the chairs that either of  the two women sat in. Slowly I drop my head into my arms, resting my face on the cool wood. It's only the soft clink minutes later that prompts me open my eyes again. Levi has gently set a cup of steaming tea on the table in front of me, and once more I can feel tears starting to form in the corner of my eyes.

I sit up slowly, taking my tea in small sudden gulps to unsuccessfully avoid burning my mouth, while Levi kneads the dough. After a while he, pulls out a sharp kitchen knife and starts to chop the dough into smaller and smaller pieces until that is a growing pile of fist size lumps of bread dough on the cutting board.

Its then that Mikasa comes into the room, her footsteps as silent as the shadows she paints with.

I expect her to go to the table with me, but she only cast me a concerned look and an unspoken promise to check-in and talk later, the remains of our long talk still on her face. Instead she goes the Levi.

“Can we talk?”

He slams one of the small lumps of dough with excessive force into the cutting board. “I know I made a mistake with the _Custos Corporis._ But I can’t change that, and I can’t talk about that anymore today.”

“It's not about that.” She says quietly, folding her arms against her chest in a vulnerable air. “I was wondering if we could talk about _before_ . Before the _Custos Corporis_ and before I met Eren and before Carla.”

I stare at her in confusion and shock, but it’s not me to whom she is talking and so Mikasa turns her head, her sleek black hair obscuring her features from my view.

When Levi nods, she clears her throat and starts, her voice small and wavery.

“Ok,” She says, sounding nervous and I get the first inkling of the feeling that I shouldn’t be listening to this. “We’ve been fighting… We’ve have had this same fights multiple times… But we haven't really even talked about what happened and I think we both hurt. Or, at least, we both have emotions about things that we are holding the other person accountable for even though it's not really their fault.”

It's only then do I see the first shiny streak of a glistening tear sparkling as it falls down her face.

“I was…” Mikasa trails off again, wiping her eyes on her sleeves of her shirt. “I was in a really hard spot right after Mom and Dad... died, and I was really struggling, and… And as much as I loved Carla and I love Eren, but I didn’t want a foster family. I wanted my _own_ family to be there for me and to take me in and when you didn’t come and I heard from Carla that you were never coming, I was really hurt.”

Mikasa had said ‘ _her own family_ ,’ and with both of them standing side by side, it's hard not to see the resemblance in both of their pale features with stark black hair and almond shaped eyes.

Did that make Levi Mikasa’s _sibling_?

“I get that,” Levi nods, “I really really get that, and I am so sorry that I couldn’t take you in, or even come to say myself that I couldn’t and why. It is one of my biggest regrets that I wasn’t able to and I’m so very sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Mikasa has given up on wiping away her tears, they fall silently, like diamonds, onto her hands.

“Ok,” She hiccups, “Ok. It just really fucking _stung_ to lose the only hope I had that somehow it would be alright and I would still know who my family was and what they were like, even with them being dead. I needed someone strong who could chase away my nightmares and… I just needed someone who was there. Someone who I could count on.”

Levi looks miserable, but also in some ways, relieved, he opens his mouth to say something but Mikasa barges on without letting him finish, “And when you didn’t come then or even after Carla died, I started hating you, and I thought you were a horrible person because there had to be some reason why you weren’t there for me and I made up all there reason to hate you, and… I started to believe them. So when you found Eren and saved his life a couple months ago, I was surprised, I had never thought I would meet you or that you were a Hunter and I didn’t give you a chance to explain why, or the chance to prove that you weren’t a awful person are just any chances at all. I just kept hating you.”

The silence is heavy with unspoken sorrows after Mikasa says that.

“Would it make you feel any better to know why?” Levi asks finally, his voice soft with remorse.

“Yeah.” Mikasa sobs, her body racked with tears, she’s curled protectively over herself, folded as elegantly as a paper crane

Levi is quiet for a moment, kneading bread thoughtfully as he ponders his words. When he finally starts speaking, his voice rises and falls like the ocean outside on a sea of emotions, “We… Err, Farlan and I-”

“Right, your lover.” Mikasa murmurs, cutting him off.

Levi nods, looking uncomfortable with Mikasa bluntness, “We lived in a very poverty stricken area with, and among other things, it had an immense crime rate. It wasn’t really a place for anything but leaving and not a place for anyone to live, especially not a little girl. Half the time Farlan and I didn’t even have enough to even feed ourselves and the other half of the time it was either because we stole it or we stole something else and sold it for cash to be able to afford to eat…”

He trails off, looking lost and hunched over with the weight of the past. “Also, I had just turned seventeen and in the past couple months, some pretty fucking traumatic things had happened that left me very fucked up, both physically and mentally. I wasn’t in a place where I could even look after myself, let alone someone else.”  

“What happened?” Mikasa murmured.

“I'd rather not go into that, if it would be ok. At least not now.”  Levi says joylessly.

“I’m sorry.” Mikasa mourned. Her tears are falling slower now, but they are still trickling down her pale cheeks. “I’m sorry you had to go thought that.”

“I’m sorry too,” Levi sighed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you and if I could have taken you in, I would have. I wish with all my heart that I could have taken you in or, at the very least, come myself to say so.”

“I know,” Mikasa whispered. She wipes her cheeks with the back off her hand and then looks up surprised when Levi offers her a towel to dry her face. She accepts the towel, but she doesn’t let go of Levi’s hand, twisting and wringing her fingers around his.

“Can I ask you a question?” Mikasa asks softly, finally lifting her head.

“You just did.”

“Oh don’t be like that.”

“What’s your question?” Levi says.

Mikasa is quiet for a moment, but I can see the words biting her tongue in their urge to be spoken. “How… Did you end up in such a bad place? The Ackermans… are not a poor family…”

Levi snatches his hand away and shifts his eyes, “No the Ackerman Family is not a poor family but they are wrought with tradition and generations of superstitions and religion. However to answer your question,  my mom got pregnant with me when she was still a teenager and was kicked out of the Hunter Training Program. Her parents kicked her out of the house shortly after.”

“Oh my god” Mikasa says horrified, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. “Oh my goodness. I didn’t know that. What happened to her?”

There are decades worth of grief on Levi’s face when he speaks, “She became a prostitute.”

“Oh my goodness” She repeats. “That’s awful. What happened to you guys?”

“She joined a brothel house. That’s where I spend the first ten years of my life.”

“I’m so sorry!” Mikasa exclaimed, her eyes downcast and her cheeks are flushed with embarrassment from asking. “I didn’t know.”

Levi shrugged slightly, “You had your own trauma.”

I can feel my face burning as I listen to their conversation.  It's not so much that shooed me out of the room, but both are so entangled in the conversation that they completely ignore me.

This does not feel like a conversation to be listening to. It's too intimate and honest and painfully painfully broken.  

“Can I ask another question?” My sister prompts.

“Yeah.”

“What happened after you were ten? You said that you lived the first ten years at that brothel. Then what?”

Levi frowns, purses his lips and frowns again. “My mom died of sickness when I was ten.”

“So then what?” her voice is casual but the topic is heavy with the past and sticky with tears and grief.

“I went to live with… Kenny” Levi hesitated, pausing before speaking the name and once more I remember the cord of fear that overcame Levi face when the man brought up the name, tossing it out into the open where it fell like an unlit paper lantern.    

“Why didn’t Grand-mère and Grand-père take you in?”

If before there had been sadness in Levi tone, now it was laced with sparkling red anger, still livid even after all the years. “They couldn’t be bothered. Mum and I went back to them when I was seven. She knew she was sick and so she was trying to find a place for me after she died but they turned her down. They wouldn’t even give her any money to survive or medicine. Nobody wants to take on the burden of  a street rat child.” His voice is laced with poisonous bitterness, all sharp edges and spite.

Mikasa is silent then, her ebony black hair falling in front of her eyes as she ponders what he had said.

Levi stirs the soup slowly and places the flattened bread dough in the oven one at a time. The oven door closes with a snap and Levi meets Mikasa gaze. “Can I ask one more question?” She murmurs. “Who was Isabel?

“Isabel was my sister.”

“Wait, What? Your sister? I thought you were an only child. I have another cousin?”

“Well no. She was my self-proclaimed sister in all but blood.” Levi says thoughtfully slow.

“‘ _Was’._ ”

“What?” Levi says, the faintest trace of an accent lingering on the ‘a’ as he speaks.

“You said ‘ _was_ ’.” Mikasa says, but even as the question takes from in the air, I can see that she already knows the answer.

“She and Farlan died a little more than five years ago.”

“Oh.” My sister fidgets on the counter, her cheeks still wet with tears but she looks lighter than I had ever seen her, as if the conversation with Levi had given her years and wings back. She was crying but she was filled with relief and a small bit of  contentment was in her face and eyes.

Later, Levi would pull out the bread from the oven and serve dishes of piping hot, delicious soup. I would burn my tongue and Mikasa would let out a surprised, a small gasp when she took a sip and fresh tears would spill happily from her eyes. Later, She would explain that her Mum had also made the same soup when she was younger. Even later, they would spend hours in the living room, Mikasa curled up in a blanket on a chair and Levi sitting cross legged on the couch. They would talk far past the time everyone else would go to bed and in the morning both of them would be sound asleep when Erwin would find them.

And in the nighttime hours that they talked, I would forget about the word ‘monster’ for a short short while.


End file.
